I know what you mean, OP. The older my kids get the more potentially disastrous things could be, and the more I realize I have little to do with how things turn out. The super organized kid is going to have an easier time with college apps, the social one with college friendships, the amazing test taker is going to skate frigging by on that. I used to think that every little parenting thing I did was so critical to how my kids would turn out, but I really think now that so little of what we do really matters. Love them, care for them, help them move toward independence in fits and starts and in whatever ways feel ok to you at the time, and they’ll be alright. They are who they’re going to be and we as parents are just along for the ride for a really short time! Comparatively such a short short time! Don’t beat yourself up. They’ll go to college wherever they’re going to go! And they’ll mostly be okay in the end. (I need to hear this all for myself too! But now that my kids are in their 20s it’s easier to believe it…)

"Positive Parenting For Teens"

Take a parenting class

Focus on keeping a good relationship, and lay off the controlling behavior. (This doesn't mean no boundaries/rules/expectations.)

Deal with your anxiety.

Sounds you lucked out PP. Not everyone has kids who are capable of this. I have 3 kids. Two of them are very independent and the other one has ADHD. He has trouble following more than one direction at a time unless he is medicated. The few months have brought a shortage of his medication and while he is 16, he acts like a 10 yr old without the medication. It's a daily struggle with him.

Teens are easy, in my opinion. I have six kids, ages 16-29, and I raised all of them to be able to make adult decisions by the time they were 16. My 5th will be 18 this week, and she's been running her own life for years. I just give advice and moral support. She hasn't even asked for any $ in almost a year. My youngest will actually be 16 next month, and he is also almost completely independent. I pay only for necessities and he pays for everything else he needs. My mother raised me the same way. I made all my own decisions about my life long before I was 18.

Add in special needs and you have my life.