Anonymous wrote:Any high earning women in a good relationship with a low earning man? Does the earnings differential cause any problems?

The way that you have phrased this makes me think it will be a problem.

I wouldn’t call myself “low earning” but my wife has consistenly made 2-5x what I have for the entire 20+ years that we’ve been together. It has not caused any problems.

Anonymous wrote:I make 12x what my DH makes. Similarly to a PP he is a construction worker on $80k. We got together when we were really young. I was doing my postgrad and he was already working so at that stage he was making a lot more!

When you have a lot of money it seems to matter less who is the higher income earner.

What do you do?

No. God no. There may be an occasional example of a low earning man, such as an educated guy who chose to be a teacher (I have a neighbor like this) who is highly functional and can serve as good partner, but for the most part that's not the case. And there's nothing less sexy than a guy who can't get it togeher.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious about this myself. I have a PhD and make 200k+, but I love fitness and I am tempted to get serious with a personal trainer who makes like 1/3 of my salary. He seems great and it definitely does not bother me now but could this become an issue later? Is he going to feel insecure by me being the main breadwinner, will there be tensions if I expect him to do more at home, will I be resentful we cannot afford the type of holidays and house we could if his salary was more comparable to mine? Of course a lot of this will depend on me and the quality of our relationship, but I was wondering what others experienced after the honeymoon phase wore off.

These questions are specific to you two and your personalities, so we can't tell you. If it's not an issue for y'all, sounds great!

He will feel insecure only if you make him feel that way. I know several couples (law firm partner - governor worker, law firm partner - teacher in public school, bank CFO - police officer, doctor - researcher) who are in a long relations and doing very well. Money is not only thing that people bring into relations, sometimes less earning partner contributes much more on so many levels. Just decide what matters to you and proceed accordingly. You can always earn for your own and family vacation, house, etc. You cannot buy a great partner with any $$$ in the world.

I make 12x what my DH makes. Similarly to a PP he is a construction worker on $80k. We got together when we were really young. I was doing my postgrad and he was already working so at that stage he was making a lot more!

When you have a lot of money it seems to matter less who is the higher income earner.

I know two such marriages— one worked one did not. The one that worked was a teacher married to a lawyer. He did the primary parent role and did it well, his hours complemented it. He also actually believed he was an equally responsible adult at home so his wife wasn’t bringing in the bigger paycheck and working longer hours and ALSO keeping track of all the shoe sizes and doctors appointments.

The one that did not work was a guy in an NGO married to a consultant. He assumed that doing “more than his dad ever did” was equal and he was deeply defensive about his job/tearing down her work. They divorced and he got 50/50 which he constantly flakes on.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a Program Manager make $200k. He’s a construction work with diploma. We both have one kid. Is this doomed before it starts?

It’s not necessarily the money per say, it’s how the second shift plays out with kids (i.e what’s the division of labor look like), potentially having raised your kids differently and how that plays out in a blended family (I.e. are you on the same page about college , what you buy for kids versus what they earn or don’t get or would it be two different messages) and how comfortable you both are with the differences in your background. Sometimes people reflect their own insecurities on you, worried you would look down or move on etc. or think they aren’t x enough so they want to humble you or bring you down about those things. I have friends that had that experience when they were dating guys with a different education level. At a minimum, I think you would both have to be really strong communicators to have a chance of making it work.

The people I know where the woman earns more than the man and it seems okay, they either met when they were young and by the time they had kids together the guy either caught up/exceeded her in salary or he makes enough now that he wouldn’t be considered low earner even though he makes less. The other scenario is he becomes a SAHD to support her highly lucrative, but not flexible career or he has a white collar, yet somewhat family friendly job, like being a teacher. Coming into it with each having their own children, difference in salary, and difference in education level - where you aren’t necessarily building together and learning together is more complicated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a Program Manager make $200k. He’s a construction work with diploma. We both have one kid. Is this doomed before it starts?

Thinking about another dcum post re: stepdad + daughter's college tuition. Before you get married, consider whether you're ready to pay for both your partner + their kids and their thoughts on that. Have an honest conversation with them about their approach to finances. I find that it's not only income coming in, but also how people spend their money.

That was one of the more interesting DCUM threads in the past year. Agree that there are things to talk about when blending families.

My wife makes 5x what I make, about $500K per year after bonuses. Neither of us makes a big deal about it.

The trades can make good money, OP. Is he ambitious? Smart? Hardworking? Entrepreneurial? He might end up out earning you.

I make 3x what my DH does. We made calculated bets that my career had more upside potential and he has always looked for a job with great benefits. He took FMLA when our kid was born and is a fantastic Dad. If you guys are on the same page financially and with your longterm goals and you each respect what the other brings to the table, it can work.

Why did successful women put on their husbands and complain after they cheat? Maybe you should stop complaining figure out a solution and they wouldn’t go behind your back.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a Program Manager make $200k. He’s a construction work with diploma. We both have one kid. Is this doomed before it starts?

If he’s in construction within the DMV area he can take a PM course at a university and start his own company would you be extremely lucrative. If the company was also owned and operated by a woman you could win contracts as a WOE. He has potential to make a successful company, if you don’t want him I’ll take him in a heartbeat. Maybe it’s you and your lack of understanding of the industry and his capability. constructions on easy work if he can do manual labor he will be successful. Get your priorities together and find out how you can become a partnership

I know a lady who works in finance and her husband is an artist. They seem happy and she still gushes over how handsome he is. She makes a lot of money so their kids are set but she has seemed resentful of times that she’d had to leave her babies to go make money.

Now that both are older, it doesn’t seem to matter.

I know one woman who supports her husband entirely during his sabbatical. During the day sleeps with his ex girlfriend. Silly woman honestly believes they are all friends.