Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be the second or third most important person to the man you date? Because if you’re dating someone who doesn’t prioritize his children you shouldn’t marry him because he’ll be a disastrous father, but if he does, you’re going into your relationship already in third place. That wouldn’t work for me.

I posted up thread about waiting till you are older to date divorced dads.

This. I feel very second place. It’s not an equal partnership.

Anonymous wrote:I hate to sound shallow, but only if child support isn't leaving him broke. Can he afford a home and 2000/month for your kid? If not, I would move on. It is sad, but truth speak.

This isn’t shallow. A relationship with this man where you mingle your finances means that you are underwriting his children from a prior marriage unless he is making a high enough income for money to not be a consideration. Your own children, should you have any, start from an economically disadvantaged position. Unless all the prior-marriage kids would be finished with child support before my hypothetical child started grade school, I would want no part of such an arrangement.

Seems like there’s a huge difference between dating a guy with a 2 year old versus one with a 16 year old, or a 10 year old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something happened to me I would hope that woman wouldn’t write DH off just because he was a dad.

They would be missing out on a great, handsome, funny, caring man and some incredible sex.

You sound insane.

How so? I think she sounds eminently reasonable.

I recommend dating men with teenage kids or kids in college. But be mindful getting truthful info about reasons for divorce (check court records etc). Could be adultery, narcissic traits etc

Look, I have 3 kids. I think it’s insane to date a man with kids if you have any other options. It’s signing up for so much messiness, work and baggage.

As long as he’s kind and caring as a person, and is also attractive (and good in bed is a plus such as doing special stuff like eating your booty-hole) then I would go for it.

I hate to sound shallow, but only if child support isn't leaving him broke. Can he afford a home and 2000/month for your kid? If not, I would move on. It is sad, but truth speak.

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be the second or third most important person to the man you date? Because if you’re dating someone who doesn’t prioritize his children you shouldn’t marry him because he’ll be a disastrous father, but if he does, you’re going into your relationship already in third place. That wouldn’t work for me.

This is an honest answer. The only exception for me would be if the kid or kids are in their teens or older. At that point, I think it would be possible for someone to prioritize another person while still being a good, involved parent. Healthy, even. But if the kids are young and especially if the divorce is fresh, I think this is an unfortunate truth.

I am also thinking about the difference between someone who married and had kids really young, and then realized it was not the right situation for any number of reasons, versus someone who divorces in their 30s with younger kids. There is so much more baggage in the latter situation and you could be walking into a really complicated situation with debates over custody, money, lingering hurt feelings, etc. Whereas if someone married his high school sweetheart and then they got divorced a few years later, by the time they are in their 30s, they are probably totally different people.

Anonymous wrote:I was your age and met a widower with three young children and while it was a bit overwhelming it has worked out fine. I know that it is different and simpler than being with a divorced dad.

Are you the nanny from a few years back?

I was your age and met a widower with three young children and while it was a bit overwhelming it has worked out fine. I know that it is different and simpler than being with a divorced dad.

Anonymous wrote:If something happened to me I would hope that woman wouldn’t write DH off just because he was a dad.

They would be missing out on a great, handsome, funny, caring man and some incredible sex.

You sound insane.

My divorced friend didn’t want to be a stepmom at age 37 so she dated only childless guys.

Now she is 43 and divorced twice and is open to dating single dads.

Do you want to be the second or third most important person to the man you date? Because if you’re dating someone who doesn’t prioritize his children you shouldn’t marry him because he’ll be a disastrous father, but if he does, you’re going into your relationship already in third place. That wouldn’t work for me.

It depends what your goals are. If you are looking to get married, and want to deal with someone else's baggage for the rest of your life, then sure. If not, why not keep looking?