Anonymous wrote:T

he depression rates of a gay person married to a straight person are *high*. Like, we are looking at despair. I am a former Mormon and the church used to encourage gay people to marry straight people to turn them straight. It resulted in terrible outcomes. I feel so badly for some of my friends, but they have all come out of it better. And their spouses are *all* on board. The spouses usually remain friends and they co parent well. Maybe there are exceptions but this is just what I have seen.

And it’s much easier to explain to a kid “I’m actually gay and shouldn’t really be married to a man” than it is “I found someone better to sleep with.” They are just fundamentally different.

Wut?

Your post makes no sense. Were you encouraged to marry a straight person to turn you straight? Did your spouse know you were gay when you married? How does this play into the DW in the prior post hiding her leaving from her DH so that she would be better off financially?

How do you know it is easier to explain this to a child? Are you a child psychologist, or do you have any empirical proof that this is the case? No. Then STFU.

1. Different commenter.

2. I suppose I don’t know what it’s like to tell a child you’re leaving because you fell in love with someone else, but my straight and gay friends who were in mixed orientation marriages say that their kids took it really well. When the issue is mixed orientation, there is no betrayal of the straight spouse. It is completely different. And it is great for kids to see their parents not suffer through a marriage just because our heteronormative culture demands it.

I am straight, two kids, first marriage, by the way.

Nope not seeing this happen. Maybe 20 years ago more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I realized I was gay a few years ago. The signs were there early in life, but I went ahead with marriage to a man and having kids. I was never able to climax with him but I thought that was just my lot in life.
When I realized what was up, I wavered, considered sticking things out a few more years, and kept it a little quiet until I was financially able to leave. Divorce finalized during pandemic. I met someone after I was separated - she came out late in life for other reasons/religious upbringing. It’s been a bumpy road and we are still figuring things out. But one thing is sure - I am GAF.

You kept it "quiet" until you were financially able to leave? To get "financially stable", did you drain the joint bank accounts? Saddle him with debt (including mortgage debt)?

If this poster would have been a man talking about taking these steps prior to leaving his wife for an AP (or just wanting to be single), this board would have crucified him. Please tell me, DCUM, how this story is different.

It is nice that you are GAF. How is he? Would he have been better if you did not keep it quiet until you dropped the bomb on your lives and finances?

Nice try. A woman leaving with children is nothing like a man leaving for an AP. It would be irresponsible for her to walk out without thinking through how she can support her children. And don't say child support, that's not nearly enough to give your children a stable quality of life if you were out of the work force or otherwise underemployed to mommy track.

NP : what ? Its a lot closer to that situation than you are willing to admit. The you can decide one day that you want to change teams but that does not push up the morality scale.

Holy $hit. I did not “decide” to change teams. I was a SAHM when I realized and acknowledged what was always true. When I realized I might not be able to stay in the marriage, I began busting my ass to find a job, then a better job, then better and better until I was in a place where I could support the kids on my own if I needed to. When I got there, I told him I was leaving. Honestly I might have left him anyway - he has never supported me in the career, only put me down, told me I would never be anything, constant complainer, happy to put his feet up after work while I did the second shift. Sorry, not sorry.
We split everything 50/50, split kid expenses 50/50, though he travels so I have them most of the time.
What would you have me do?

T

he depression rates of a gay person married to a straight person are *high*. Like, we are looking at despair. I am a former Mormon and the church used to encourage gay people to marry straight people to turn them straight. It resulted in terrible outcomes. I feel so badly for some of my friends, but they have all come out of it better. And their spouses are *all* on board. The spouses usually remain friends and they co parent well. Maybe there are exceptions but this is just what I have seen.

And it’s much easier to explain to a kid “I’m actually gay and shouldn’t really be married to a man” than it is “I found someone better to sleep with.” They are just fundamentally different.

Wut?

Your post makes no sense. Were you encouraged to marry a straight person to turn you straight? Did your spouse know you were gay when you married? How does this play into the DW in the prior post hiding her leaving from her DH so that she would be better off financially?

How do you know it is easier to explain this to a child? Are you a child psychologist, or do you have any empirical proof that this is the case? No. Then STFU.

Anonymous wrote:

Nice try. A woman leaving with children is nothing like a man leaving for an AP. It would be irresponsible for her to walk out without thinking through how she can support her children. And don't say child support, that's not nearly enough to give your children a stable quality of life if you were out of the work force or otherwise underemployed to mommy track

You have no idea who was the primary breadwinner in this poster's relationship. It very well could have been her. The PP's kids could have stayed with the dad.

I asked about her financial steps because I did not know. Are you the PP? If so, say so.

In any case, neither parent would likely be as well off financially post-divorce.

How is a woman (with children) leaving her husband for another woman (or to date other women) different than a man (with children) leaving his wife for another woman (or to date other women)?

She could have told him she would walk out the moment she knew she was going to do so and trusted that the father of her children would provide for their welfare.

The depression rates of a gay person married to a straight person are *high*. Like, we are looking at despair. I am a former Mormon and the church used to encourage gay people to marry straight people to turn them straight. It resulted in terrible outcomes. I feel so badly for some of my friends, but they have all come out of it better. And their spouses are *all* on board. The spouses usually remain friends and they co parent well. Maybe there are exceptions but this is just what I have seen.

And it’s much easier to explain to a kid “I’m actually gay and shouldn’t really be married to a man” than it is “I found someone better to sleep with.” They are just fundamentally different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

Please do the world a favor and take yourself out of the dating game altogether.

And you the gene pool. Now we are all happy.

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

Please do the world a favor and take yourself out of the dating game altogether.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian. My friends who are lesbian seem to have much better and more egalitarian marriages than me and my other straight friends.

Lesbian couples also seem to be leading the pack in terms of divorce rates-it seems like egalitarian and high emotional expectations may be better suited to serial monogamy than lifelong commitment. (I'm a divorced lesbian).

Nice try. A woman leaving with children is nothing like a man leaving for an AP. It would be irresponsible for her to walk out without thinking through how she can support her children. And don't say child support, that's not nearly enough to give your children a stable quality of life if you were out of the work force or otherwise underemployed to mommy track

You have no idea who was the primary breadwinner in this poster's relationship. It very well could have been her. The PP's kids could have stayed with the dad.

I asked about her financial steps because I did not know. Are you the PP? If so, say so.

In any case, neither parent would likely be as well off financially post-divorce.

How is a woman (with children) leaving her husband for another woman (or to date other women) different than a man (with children) leaving his wife for another woman (or to date other women)?

She could have told him she would walk out the moment she knew she was going to do so and trusted that the father of her children would provide for their welfare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

And men are done dealing with tired old hags like you who do nothing but complain about men.

NP. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

And men are done dealing with tired old hags like you who do nothing but complain about men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have your friends been married?

I have a few friends who have done this and they had all been married for about ten years at the time. One left about six years ago, one five, and one a year ago.

I don’t think it’s related to the pandemic but maybe when somebody is around their husband a lot (and they see a lot of lesbian TikToks, I actually know a lot of women who have realized they were bi because of tiktok) they are more likely to realize they aren’t sexually attracted to them.

What, are they 12 years old? How does TikTok make one realize they’re bi?

I don’t know, I’m not bi, it’s just what they have said. I guess they didn’t experience attraction to women until they saw *those* women.

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

So...men being annoying changes your sexual orientation? This is so dumb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

Always believed there is a large sub-sets of lesbians who are truly attracted to women only, and there are lesbians who are only lesbian out of a hatred of men.

Are you a straight woman writing this? As a straight woman who frequently gets frustrated with men, I can tell you that hating men isn’t enough to make you attracted to women.

Anonymous wrote:I think all women are tired of putting up with men. The me too movement also brought with it just being able to openly say how annoying they are. The pandemic had to have made this worse. Dealing with one 24/7 can feel pretty oppressive. I think I would rather be alone than find a woman to be with, but I get it. I’m hanging on by a thread.

Always believed there is a large sub-sets of lesbians who are truly attracted to women only, and there are lesbians who are only lesbian out of a hatred of men.