Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 23:06     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Man, I am jealous of all the people on this thread whose parents and in-laws pay for their joint vacations. My DH and I not only pay our own way but also pay for our parents/in-laws to go to a place we don’t want to go and stay in a place we don’t want to stay. Last group vacation, we shared a house that only had 2 bathrooms for 11 people. Ugh. I’m not a fan of big family vacations, but it would surely sweeten the deal to have all expenses paid for plus my own bathroom to use.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 17:33     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:If they actually want this and have input and you pay for everything-great. Otherwise, let them be independent adults and don't stifle that with guilt trips.


+1. My parents try to plan vacations they want to go on and then “invite” us along to pay for ourselves. And they seem shocked when we decline.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 15:14     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I would like to begin a tradition of a yearly get away with our soon to be adult children. Our past vacations have been more road trip or travel abroads. We realize that with summer internships for our college aged children, these extended road trips aren’t realistic for the entire family anymore. I’m looking for ideas that have worked for you once your children have reached adulthood. Any ideas welcome.


Flexibility; something not too far away; ability to come for a few days or more (and not guilt the IL kids if they decline to come: I was that DIL and it was HIGH pressure to come; I just didn't due to few days off and dealt with the negativity); Do your big trips with your dh and plan something else with kids, esp as they get older, marry, have their own kids. I feel sorry for people that have to go on 2 family trips per year, one with each side of the family, same beach, similar house, and never get a say in having their own vacation. They seem to like it, so I guess it works. But in our family (only dh's side does this) it's getting harder and harder to get together with "everyone" like we used to. It's just how it is. We try to see each part of families on weekends or kids birthday parties. No big vacations for my family side, but I've taken a 20 hour road-trip with my sibling and it was awesome, one on one.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 15:10     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just requested that July 4th be “our” yearly gathering but it’s not a command just ask that they try. We have a lake house they love. We turned that over to them while dh and I took the smaller guest house. We provided the food, all activities were optional and I think it’s going to work. Even after reading this I’m hopeful!


Sounds lovely! The best family times we've had was when everything was flexible. Sounds like you're doing it right.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 15:09     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Vacation time is so precious for young adults. They have to burn a bunch of it on weddings, then if they go on a week vacation with you they may have nothing left.

Make it every other year, and maybe Christmas-New Years because offices are often closed.


I would rather go on vacation with my family than any friends' weddings. We only went to one or two.


+1. "Big weddings" we used vacation on in our twenties? About half are now divorced (probably more). I would then and now prefer family time or my own vacations. I hate weddings that take up all my time anymore. Over it.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 15:07     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Ha! We just requested that July 4th be “our” yearly gathering but it’s not a command just ask that they try. We have a lake house they love. We turned that over to them while dh and I took the smaller guest house. We provided the food, all activities were optional and I think it’s going to work. Even after reading this I’m hopeful!
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 14:53     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
If they actually want this and have input and you pay for everything-great. Otherwise, let them be independent adults and don't stifle that with guilt trips.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 14:07     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Weekend getaways or long weekend getaways.


This. Ones that are easy for them to get to from where they live/work.

If they live out of state, I'd spend your time and money visiting their new area and getting to know their life out there.

I spent much of my 20s going to friend's weddings, so I wouldn't have had a lot of time for family vacations!


+1

I would hope that if I am lucky enough to retire (especially if I was ever lucky enough to live in exotic places and barely work outside the home - but that is another topic), I will be able to spend time with my family on their terms - they are the ones who work and have obligations, time demands and time restraints! My traveling around the world, volunteering or golfing hardly qualifies as "demands".
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 14:00     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
Op, the answer you hoped for, the "where" is not likely to be answered. Even "what kind" of vacation won't be addressed much. But it's a great topic. Glad you asked.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:59     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Vacation time is so precious for young adults. They have to burn a bunch of it on weddings, then if they go on a week vacation with you they may have nothing left.

Make it every other year, and maybe Christmas-New Years because offices are often closed.


I would rather go on vacation with my family than any friends' weddings. We only went to one or two.



+1 all these exorbitant wedding expenses for people you won’t even be in touch with in ten years (probably 5). If we’re not genuinely close, gift only.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:54     Subject: Yearly vacations with adult children
My parents rent a house for everyone but it's every other year. I feel like that is just manageable, and sometimes feels like a lot. They pay for all transportation and expenses. Some years it's been a long weekend because of availability issues. I've missed at least one due to summer internships etc. and we've had people leave halfway due to work commitments.

I will say it works because there are grandkids. I don't think they did it before grandchildren were around.

We all work together to select a location. We do it someplace different every time, and we try to keep the travel easiest for the people with the littlest kids.

Now that we're all 40-50 and established in our jobs it's a lot easier. (Yes, I agree it's ridiculous they pay for all expenses but they insist, and they can afford it)

Beach locations have been the most successful trips for us.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:52     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:Vacation time is so precious for young adults. They have to burn a bunch of it on weddings, then if they go on a week vacation with you they may have nothing left.

Make it every other year, and maybe Christmas-New Years because offices are often closed.


I would rather go on vacation with my family than any friends' weddings. We only went to one or two.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:52     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:Vacation time is so precious for young adults. They have to burn a bunch of it on weddings, then if they go on a week vacation with you they may have nothing left.

Make it every other year, and maybe Christmas-New Years because offices are often closed.


This was never true for me. And as the youngest and newest colleague, I didn't get holiday time at the end of December for years (other than the actual federal holiday).
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:48     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Vacation time is so precious for young adults. They have to burn a bunch of it on weddings, then if they go on a week vacation with you they may have nothing left.

Make it every other year, and maybe Christmas-New Years because offices are often closed.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2021 13:47     Subject: Re:Yearly vacations with adult children
Anonymous wrote:I like traveling with my parents, and have done it a few times. We also have a pretty standard beach trip that has become pretty annual (covid threw it for a loop though).

But if my parents tried to start an "annual trip" - that would make me really uncomfortable. I can't commit to something like that indefinitely. I couldn't in my 20s, I can't now in my 30s. You don't know where you'll be working, where you'll be living, who you'll be dating, what your financial situation will be like, what your vacation day options will be like, or what you'll even want. Add in the potential for marriage and kids (and other people's weddings! The year I was 26 I went to SEVEN out of town weddings!) and it's just too much to fathom.

So - I would leave the concept of "annual" out of it - and just ask them to go on vacation with you. Go, have fun, and then go from there. You can always propose another one for the next year. But don't put your kid in a position of making a commitment to an annual trip - as a 20-30 something, that's a HUGE, and nearly impossible, commitment. And if you set it up like that, I'd be less likely to go at all because I wouldn't want to set up unreasonable expectations.

Even if it does work out, they like it, and you go most years - it will be most years, not all. That has to be okay.


I think your experience is very personal and not very hrlpful to the op. Op's adult kids may prefer to spend time with them rather than friends' weddings for example. You make vacations sound like a trip to jail.