Anonymous
07/05/2021 14:32
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
So I won’t be rich to her if they live six miles away? You think I should deny them the guest house and have them find their own place?
Not the PP. This defensiveness is honestly giving me second thoughts about whether this is a good idea. This almost-teen will be changing schools, moving away from friends and support, and going from being in the majority at her current school to the minority at the new one (either racial or socioeconomic or both).
If you aren't 100% prepared for there to be some bumps in the road, and to extend some grace when this sweet 12 year-old becomes a resentful 14 year-old, then you need to dig deep and figure out if this is really a good idea.
+1. OP seems to have made up her mind that this is a good idea and is going to be great. I’m mostly interested in the question of what happens when you no longer need a nanny? Do you ask her to move out? Is that even legal in the state you’re moving to? This just generally sounds like not a great idea.
I know a family with 4 kids who took their nanny to live with them about 2,000 miles from her home. They all agreed from the onset that it would be a one year gig. They paid for her flights home for the year, all moving expenses to and from their new house, and were very strict during that year about her space and time (to make sure the kids weren’t bugging her when she wasn’t working). It worked well for them, but I think because there was an end date.
All live-ins eventually move out. It’s the nature of the nanny arrangement.
PP here and it’s definitely worst a try if everyone wants it. Worked for us.
Anonymous
07/05/2021 14:29
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
So I won’t be rich to her if they live six miles away? You think I should deny them the guest house and have them find their own place?
Not the PP. This defensiveness is honestly giving me second thoughts about whether this is a good idea. This almost-teen will be changing schools, moving away from friends and support, and going from being in the majority at her current school to the minority at the new one (either racial or socioeconomic or both).
If you aren't 100% prepared for there to be some bumps in the road, and to extend some grace when this sweet 12 year-old becomes a resentful 14 year-old, then you need to dig deep and figure out if this is really a good idea.
Whoa! Way to live in stereotypes?! So you assume this girl is some Latina from the barrio who can’t hack the rich, white suburbs?! You assume she isn’t coming from a wealthy suburb?
And I have a 15 year old we moved at the same age who is neither resentful nor unhappy to be at a better school.
NP here, btw.
OP, our nanny moved with us and loves her new city. She lived with us until she met her husband and got married. We have younger kids too so she’s still our nanny.
Anonymous
07/05/2021 08:06
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
So I won’t be rich to her if they live six miles away? You think I should deny them the guest house and have them find their own place?
Not the PP. This defensiveness is honestly giving me second thoughts about whether this is a good idea. This almost-teen will be changing schools, moving away from friends and support, and going from being in the majority at her current school to the minority at the new one (either racial or socioeconomic or both).
If you aren't 100% prepared for there to be some bumps in the road, and to extend some grace when this sweet 12 year-old becomes a resentful 14 year-old, then you need to dig deep and figure out if this is really a good idea.
+1. OP seems to have made up her mind that this is a good idea and is going to be great. I’m mostly interested in the question of what happens when you no longer need a nanny? Do you ask her to move out? Is that even legal in the state you’re moving to? This just generally sounds like not a great idea.
I know a family with 4 kids who took their nanny to live with them about 2,000 miles from her home. They all agreed from the onset that it would be a one year gig. They paid for her flights home for the year, all moving expenses to and from their new house, and were very strict during that year about her space and time (to make sure the kids weren’t bugging her when she wasn’t working). It worked well for them, but I think because there was an end date.
Anonymous
07/05/2021 07:57
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
So I won’t be rich to her if they live six miles away? You think I should deny them the guest house and have them find their own place?
Not the PP. This defensiveness is honestly giving me second thoughts about whether this is a good idea. This almost-teen will be changing schools, moving away from friends and support, and going from being in the majority at her current school to the minority at the new one (either racial or socioeconomic or both).
If you aren't 100% prepared for there to be some bumps in the road, and to extend some grace when this sweet 12 year-old becomes a resentful 14 year-old, then you need to dig deep and figure out if this is really a good idea.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 23:44
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
So I won’t be rich to her if they live six miles away? You think I should deny them the guest house and have them find their own place?
Anonymous
07/04/2021 23:41
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Are you paying moving expenses?
Yes.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 22:16
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Are you paying moving expenses?
Anonymous
07/04/2021 22:16
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Yep. Key being "six miles away".
Anonymous
07/04/2021 22:13
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Then I was also rich to her for the last 1.5 years when she lived six miles away.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 22:10
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
You are rich compared to her.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 22:00
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
The house isn’t that big! It’s three bedrooms, single story. OP here and we are far from rich. And we employ her mother - we don’t support her. Her mother works for a living like I do.
But I’m sure there will be bumps in the road. I was a teenager too. She’s really a great, secure kid. And will still have privacy from us and her own bedroom. And whatever lack of independence she endures will be her mothers call not mine.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 21:50
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
If I were that girl, I'd be resentful being the poor nanny's daughter living in a pool house. I'd resent not having privacy or independence. I'd resent doing this all to support the rich lady in the big house.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 21:48
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:The biggest issue I would talk about is you’ll soon have a teenager living in your pool house. I’m sure she’s great but a lot older than your kids so bound to do things you don’t expect.
Yep. She may be lovely now, but teens are difficult. I remember, I was one. If you really are like family and you're willing to help with any problems her daughter has as she grows up, then it might work. But that's a long way for a girl who is moving into HS, leaving her friends, being dragged to a new school she may hate to a town she may hate. This could go wrong pretty easily. That's way too long a drive for them to visit more than 1-2x per year.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 21:36
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
The biggest issue I would talk about is you’ll soon have a teenager living in your pool house. I’m sure she’s great but a lot older than your kids so bound to do things you don’t expect.
Anonymous
07/04/2021 21:30
Subject: What’s involved in moving to another with our nanny.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
How far away is the new city?
About a six and a half hour drive (425 miles).
One hour flight
Will this be enough income for Nanny to fly with her kid when she wants to see her old friends? Will she have a reliable car and enough time off to drive?
She has a very reliable car and every weekend free plus vacation, all holidays and pro. The flights aren’t bad.