I would let them come. It is only 2 nights.

Step 1a) call the guests you actually invited and explain the dilemma. They may not be as open as you are to having the whole gang crowd in together.

Step 1b)If they say yes, have the same conversation about logistics with the interlopers.

Step 2) If either group opts out once they hear the actual logistics, look for a close by airbnb for the self-inviters. If you can find one then everybody can still be together during the day, but they also can all have hot showers. In a perfect world you would find one with a pool you can all hang out in during the day, or a back yard that would be nice for a barbeque. If no airbnb look into hotel rooms.

Step 3) If you can’t find an airbnb or hotel close by, you let BIL and his family know that you’d love to have them all spend the day with you one of the days and offer to make a big dinner for everybody.

It sounds like my childhood, which was fine, but was spent frequently in small houses with 1-2 bathrooms and a house crammed of people. It was always a party and the more the merrier. No one lingered for long periods of time in the bathroom but I don’t remember it ever being an issue. I frequently slept on floors, couches or if I was lucky in a bed with multiple siblings. It was fun during visits and holidays and having personal space wasn’t a priority. My grandparents were immigrants and sometimes several generations lived in the house together. Everyone would visit and no one got hotels.

As an adult I have a big house and each of us have a full bathroom, including my kids. We never host anyone and enjoy our space. You can have everyone stay with you, but I never would now. We need our space.

No is a full sentence.

We have two adults, 2 teens with one bathroom and it is a hellscape.

OP, I know you said you're leaning toward no, but your posts have me thinking you really really feel this should happen. The fact you mention how DH and his family talk blithely about how fun it was to have all the cousins jammed on floors together....well, they are seeing that through rose-colored glasses remembering their younger years. They're not thinking it through as adults.

You have SO many items on this list that would EACH be a reason to say no. It's surprising you don't see that. Add them up and it's just no after no.

DH is allergic to the dog (right? I didn't see it in the long OP but someone mentioned it). That is a HARD no. Dog dander will not magically disappear when the dog leaves--you do realize that, right? Your DH could continue to suffer for days or weeks after the dog is gone. Dander will get into your furniture fabric (even if the dog never lies on the furniture). Even the most well-clipped, short-haired dog has dander; it's not hair; it is invisible; it permeates things. (It's also incredibly rude to bring a pet to someone else's home but I won't get into that aspect. But, yeah, thoughtless and rude.)

The bathroom alone would also be a reason for a hard no to the extra family. Eight adults and one bathroom? Logistically tough but also, please think back to the start of the pandemic. Domestic bathrooms were having a lot of clogs and issues with SO much use. While your group would be going out some--right?--that's a lot of people using a single bathroom in a tight space of time. Our house is newer than yours and we have issues if we have a ton of people over. I know someone posted your bathroom will be fine but I think you're asking for clogs in your very very old plumbing. Not to mention, all eight adults will want showers daily, right? How do you schedule that and still get anyone out the door in a reasonable time? Do you want to be handing guests a shower schedule and saying someone's got to be up extra early if everyone wants a morning shower?

How will you work food? Breakfast buffet of all cold stuff like bagels and cereals? That's fine but do you have space for that, and space enough for eight adults and a kid to eat or will you end up eating in shifts? Are you cool with the fridge being raided and then discovering a guest ate something you had planned to use for a meal, so you're suddenly short?

I think you're twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate everyone and make everyone happy. You had guests already scheduled. They get priority. Invite-myself-along secondary guests could be fun in a big enough house but that is not the case. Tell the second set of guests, sorry, we already are full up. Your DH should have your back here. If he doesn't and insists, well, he can do the feeding, create the shower schedule, clean up the messes and buy his own allergy meds (and take them without complaint).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem like a sweet person with a good heart, as your husband is. But this is a no. Not with the size and 1 bathroom. You shouldn’t sleep on the couch in your own home

They need to get a hotel or Airbnb.

I think you're right. And thanks for calling me sweet instead of stupid.

It's hard because we do like being together... and I think especially because older BIL has owned a home and opened it up to us for... I guess 25 years now. And we just bought our first one 3 years ago and would like to reciprocate! But it's also true that his home, while not massive, is probably 50-75% bigger than ours... and has a second bathroom! I guess it also brings up complicated feelings for me as I feel annoyed that older BIL may be put off by this-- which is his own fault, since he has unrealistic expectations! At least his wife will likely knock some sense into him. "Larlo! They have one bathroom!" Yes, you can count on her.

Our neighbor 2 doors down literally does have an Airbnb... and I'm sure others in walking distance (streetcar suburb near the Metro). Maybe we can have some recommendations at the ready.

The air nub a few doors down is your solution. Everyone can hang out most of the day, but it gives more room to sleep and a second bathroom and shower. Not sure what you do about the dog. It’s pretty rude to bring a dog if your DH has allergies. Have you mentioned the flea problem?

I would tell my husband “it is great if you want to do this with your family, but I cannot share a bathroom with this many people. I will be at the holiday inn to sleep and shower, but will be around the rest of the time.” And then, I would see if my husband still thought this was so very awesome if I wasn’t going to be there 24/7 to help him problem solve his way through this. If he still wants to do it, great!! I would peace out to my hotel room after dinner while they deal with the sleeping logistics and show up freshly showered right after I had breakfast at my hotel.

My compromise would be that the BIL + family go to a hotel , but have dinners with your family. I have a big enough house, but won’t allow anyone to sleep in the family room because I wake up early.

Tents in backyard?

I say go for it OP. So what if it sucks, so things are annoying for a few days. And likely it will be just fine and everyone will have fun. The only problem I really see is the dog. Just seems a lot to throw a shedding smelly dog into the mix.

Eh. I'm going to be the sort of dissenter. My former in laws did group vacations in houses kind of like this. At one point we had about 25 people crammed in a 4 bedroom house with one working bathroom. I found it to be absolute hell on earth to the point that it was one of the reasons I divorced out of that nonsense, but I will say that most of the people on these trips enjoyed them and had lifelong fond memories. I'm too set in my ways to enjoy sleeping on a chair and waiting for the bathroom all day every day, but most of them just enjoyed being together even if the housing situation was less than ideal. And it's only 2 nights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still shaking my head at this whole dog situation. I love dogs but I don’t understand how you could even entertain this idea. How ridiculously disrespectful to think that someone with a dog allergy could host your dog.

No no no no

I agree. DH blows it off because no one in his family takes their health seriously (and he truly adores dogs!), but his asthma has only recently gotten under control, and dogs and cats are definite triggers.

For context, we did own both a dog and cat for many years-- actually we adopted older BIL's dog because of a conflict between her and their other dog! So we had her for 9 years. We always knew DH was at least somewhat allergic, but when both the cat and dog died 9 years ago, we moved to a brand new apartment and his asthma was 75% better. And we realized he should probably never own either one ever again.

BIL knows this in theory but is self-centered and-- to be fair-- DH does try to brush it off a bit. He's always happy to per cats and dogs and deal with the consequences later. But BIL does know he's allergic and that's why we haven't had either in almost a decade. He's just not thinking about it.

Pet! Not per.

Anonymous wrote:I’m still shaking my head at this whole dog situation. I love dogs but I don’t understand how you could even entertain this idea. How ridiculously disrespectful to think that someone with a dog allergy could host your dog.

No no no no

I agree. DH blows it off because no one in his family takes their health seriously (and he truly adores dogs!), but his asthma has only recently gotten under control, and dogs and cats are definite triggers.

For context, we did own both a dog and cat for many years-- actually we adopted older BIL's dog because of a conflict between her and their other dog! So we had her for 9 years. We always knew DH was at least somewhat allergic, but when both the cat and dog died 9 years ago, we moved to a brand new apartment and his asthma was 75% better. And we realized he should probably never own either one ever again.

BIL knows this in theory but is self-centered and-- to be fair-- DH does try to brush it off a bit. He's always happy to per cats and dogs and deal with the consequences later. But BIL does know he's allergic and that's why we haven't had either in almost a decade. He's just not thinking about it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you seen the movie Bridesmaids--the bridal shop scene? One bad takeout meal plus only one bathroom for nine people and...

We have done it. I cannot tell you how many times I have kicked my kid off the toilet to go. I always get first toilet privileges in an emergency.