Anonymous
Post 06/29/2021 03:20     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
If you were raised in a culture that tells you men always sexualize women and virtuous women don’t let them then that’s why you don’t feel comfortable in a bikini and are jealous of your husband for talking with other moms.

OP, consider if talking to a therapist might help. The truth is it’s not a big deal here and everyone does it which takes away the context you have in your mind. I have family in a country where people go to the pool in rubber burkas and there a bikini would be a huge deal — simply wearing one is a declaration in a different way than here.

I also trust my husband completely. If you have doubts that either means you are feeling insecure or he is giving you reasons to — only you know which is true.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 23:09     Subject: Re:Uncomfortable in a bikini
Relax - very few moms have bikini bodies.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 23:05     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
OP seems to be talking about 2 related but different things. She herself doesn't want people looking at her body in a bathing suit. She also doesn't like it that her husband subtly or not so subtly checks out other women in bathing suits, or that he's even comfortable with other women in bathing suits.

I'm a lot more sympathetic about the first concern. Nobody should feel pressured to wear revealing clothes. Fortunately, there are modest options out there.

I wouldn't be so mad at husband. He promised to be faithful, not blind.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 22:45     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
So don’t wear a bikini. Wear a one piece. Plenty of women, probably more so than not, wear something other than a bikini to the pool. Why do you feel like the only way you can go to a pool is in a bikini?
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 22:27     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!


Just buy some bikinis and just do it! I swear you will be confident after like two times! You will feel amazing. Seriously. I used to feel self conscious and then I just decided to wear them. I’m fit and in my mid 40s. Not a super model, but I think I look ok!! Don’t do this tankini nonsense. Get out there and just do it!
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 22:11     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!



Why do you want to be like this? What do you think is so special about these women?


Both my kids just love being in water. I can see pool, beach, water parks, etc. being a big part of the next several years.


But that has nothing to do with what you wrote. You can be on the water with your kids without a bikini. I'd actually argue that bikini is the least kid-friendly thing to be wearing if you want to play in the water with the kid.s So what is it about thesee women that you perceive to want for yourself?

If you want to hallenge the beliefsyou grew up with tht's totatlly cool, but I'd caution you against attributing any particular personality to women who wear bikinis and drink alcohol at the pool.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 22:11     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!



Why do you want to be like this? What do you think is so special about these women?


Both my kids just love being in water. I can see pool, beach, water parks, etc. being a big part of the next several years.


The active moms are not wearing bikinis. They are impractical for horsing around in the pool with your kids, dunking them, playing water basketball, swimming laps, diving, etc. In my experience, most of the women wearing bikinis at the local pool are trying to tan, which is all fine and good. It's just like regular clothes. Different outfits for different activities.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 22:01     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!



Why do you want to be like this? What do you think is so special about these women?


Both my kids just love being in water. I can see pool, beach, water parks, etc. being a big part of the next several years.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:57     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!



Why do you want to be like this? What do you think is so special about these women?
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:48     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad to know there are others who feel uncomfortable like me in a bikini.

I understand it is me who needs to change or adapt. I want to be just like other women who are in a bikini with a drink in one hand and can confidently chat with men. I grew up in a culture where this is just not the norm.

So my question I guess really is, if this something that women just grow into it and if so, there is some hope for me. In that case maybe if I try wearing a few times I might slowly get comfortable after a while.

DH is white and is supportive of me in whatever I am comfortable. It is just as likely I am imagining things when I said checking out other women. But it how I feel.

Thanks for putting up with my rant and all the helpful suggestions!
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:35     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like you have a lot of issues. Both your body insecurity and insecurity in regards to your DH.

You can’t go to the pool because you don’t want to be around men?? Sorry, but that is your problem, not your DHs. Wear whatever you want to the pool. No one cares. Your DH is likely just being social at the pool, not creepy and leering. But your insecurities make your think it is because someone is in a bikini is the reason he is talking to them. Likely not. There are probably just a lot more moms than dads at the pool.



You sound like a terrible person.


No, you shouldn’t move to a neighborhood centered around a neighborhood pool if bathing suits, both on you and on other people, make your uncomfortable. OP can go to the pool in shorts and a t-shirt, in a maxi dress, in a “modest” suit, really she can wear whatever she wants. But she won’t go and if her husband goes he isn’t supposed to talk to women in bathing suits?? Sorry, this is nuts.



OP can move wherever the hell she wants. Stop derailing the thread by trying to demonize OP.


Sure she can. But then don’t complain about...people wearing bathing suits when you pick to live in a neighborhood revolving around a pool
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:33     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:Oh ok so DH is gross because he may take a few glances at a beautiful women in a bikini. Get real. Obviously OP is way jealous and thinks her DH is checking them out based solely on the fact he is wearing sunglasses and isn’t being anti social with the other parents.


I have to agree here. does he only talk to women who are wearing bikinis? You’re saying he doesn’t talk to any men? Only women in bikinis and staring at their bodies? Something doesn’t sound right here, definitely sounds like OP is a little insecure.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:31     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Oh ok so DH is gross because he may take a few glances at a beautiful women in a bikini. Get real. Obviously OP is way jealous and thinks her DH is checking them out based solely on the fact he is wearing sunglasses and isn’t being anti social with the other parents.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:25     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like you have a lot of issues. Both your body insecurity and insecurity in regards to your DH.

You can’t go to the pool because you don’t want to be around men?? Sorry, but that is your problem, not your DHs. Wear whatever you want to the pool. No one cares. Your DH is likely just being social at the pool, not creepy and leering. But your insecurities make your think it is because someone is in a bikini is the reason he is talking to them. Likely not. There are probably just a lot more moms than dads at the pool.



You sound like a terrible person.


No, you shouldn’t move to a neighborhood centered around a neighborhood pool if bathing suits, both on you and on other people, make your uncomfortable. OP can go to the pool in shorts and a t-shirt, in a maxi dress, in a “modest” suit, really she can wear whatever she wants. But she won’t go and if her husband goes he isn’t supposed to talk to women in bathing suits?? Sorry, this is nuts.



OP can move wherever the hell she wants. Stop derailing the thread by trying to demonize OP.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2021 21:23     Subject: Uncomfortable in a bikini
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm an American girl born and raised with what is considered to be a bikini body-and I don't wear bikinis. I don't feel comfortable in them. I usually wear a 1 piece with a long wrap around them or even shorts and a shirt.


You wear what you're comfortable in.

Also, your DH is gross for leering at and flirting with women when he's supposed to be enjoying the day with his wife and kids.


To be fair, she said he was chatting and looking at them while wearing sunglasses… which could just mean talking to other parents who happen to be women and looking in their direction as is generally considered to be polite.


Yes of course the OP must mean something other than what she said because she's just a jealous hysterical woman!


The OP reads to me that she understands that this is all a “her” problem because she doesn’t feel comfortable in a bathing suit and also doesn’t feel comfortable with her husband around other women in bathing suits. It’s a tough situation. That doesn’t mean her husband is doing anything wrong by being friendly with neighbors at the pool.


Stop derailing the thread with your agenda.