Thanks everyone for responding. I am definitely going to take the time tomorrow to tell our nanny how much we appreciate her work and acknowledge clearly that we know this phase is very hard and exhausting. Our older child will be starting preschool at the end of August so no matter what happens with the baby’s nap schedule, she’ll get a break.

Absolutely, PP. I didn't mean you need to literally force them, sorry I assumed everyone saw that. with this age, nothing can be done by force. I should word it differently. Maybe "tricking" would sound better than "fighting"? When they completely refuse to go down for nap, I do not give up and sit and read to them for 2 hrs (I have no time for that, and we read a lot during the day), but put my energy instead into convincing them they need "quiet time", that's when most of "fighting" happens, and you need to get creative to actually get them to lie down even for quiet time, with toy or book. I usually make up some story (I need to take care of toys downstairs or they will be too sad, or find out what the dog is up to, to make sure he is not eating all the baby food) and tell them they have to be very quiet while I do my work. Very often just getting them settled for quiet time is quite an exertion BUT I found that the kids often fall asleep though they only "agreed" to quiet time.

Anonymous wrote:Children do not "give up" on their naps at that age. Do some reading. Inexperienced parents let them do that and there is no shame in that, it just comes with experience. I completely understand parents who do not wish to fight but please know that you only need to fight a few times and then the naps will start happening. Also, remember about all that brain development that happens during sleep. I know lots of kids who do not nap on weekends with the parents but DO nap in childcare settings, or with nannies, so it's more of the behaviour thing rather than "giving up". Very small percentage of children don't need nap at 2,5, in my 20+ yrs as a teacher 90% napped just fine in a daycare center. And, the worst behaving children typically didn't nap over weekend and were exhausted, napped at school better than others. And yes, of course all sleep training was happening after the parents asked to try and sleep train.
Most parents wanted to.

While I agree you don't want to give up on the nap too soon, lots of kids really do stop being able to or wanting to nap before 3. I've found the best approach is to convert it to a "quiet time" so that they still get a sensory and interaction break (as do you). Many daycares and PKs do something similar, where kids who don't nap anymore are expected to lay down fro 30 minutes and then allowed to engage in quiet independent play for the remaining time.

But telling parents "oh you just need to fight for the nap a few times and it will start happening again" can be really self-defeating. I was extremely committed to naps with my eldest and she simply would not nap past about 2 years, 10 months. Even before then, it was intermittent. But rather than fighting her on it forever because she was "supposed" to be be napping, I recognized that she was a very good sleeper at night (usually 12 hours and no bedtime fights or early wake-ups) and probably just did not need more sleep. So we moved gently to a quiet time and she did great with it.

In general, telling people they just need to force their toddler to do something a few times and then they will acquiesce is a recipe for disaster with many kids. So many toddlers respond very oppositional to any kind of order or command, and then people get locked into a combative relationship with a small child who has nothing to lose by simply resisting everything. Once your kid is old enough to have a mind of their own, you need to learn how to work with them, not against them. You can't force a child to do anything, really.

Anonymous wrote:why not take a good advice and re-establish napping routine with 2,5 yr old.

Some of us don’t want “a good advice”. I love my nearly 3 yr old not napping anymore. He’s happy, healthy, learning, and falls asleep at night happily and easily.

PP exactly right, OP's kids may need more of physically active time.

My charges were these ages not long ago, and it was by far the most difficult and exhausting phase. The baby was only sleeping 40 min at a time and the 2.5 yr old was going through an odd phase of 30 min naps or skipping it entirely. It doesn’t last long. Does your nanny take them out on a daily basis? When we started going to a playground, the zoo, museums, etc. everything synced. The baby was getting enough stimulation to make their second nap 1.5 hrs or more, and the toddler was so exhausted from running around that his naps also returned to 1.5 hrs. Now at 9 months and 3 yrs old, they both nap 1-3:30 like clockwork. Even if your 2.5 yr old doesn’t nap, he should be spending an hour of alone time in his room playing or looking at books independently. I would suggest introducing a hatch light, so he knows when his hour of quiet time is up.

it's really difficult to go without a break every day. The nanny will not last long. If it's temporary thing then it would be OK but in the long run, she would need break, how else she can have all the energy.

why not take a good advice and re-establish napping routine with 2,5 yr old.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just express to your nanny that you know this is currently a difficult phase and that you appreciate her. Taking a minute to do this will mean a great deal to her.

And ignore the above know-it-all nanny. Just be glad your nanny is on your wavelength.

+1. Always acknowledge that a task or time is hard to any employee. It makes a world of difference.

Anonymous wrote:We give our nanny permission to use TV in situations like this. She can put a show on for the 2.5 yo for an hour while the 5 month old sleeps and take somewhat of a break.

Ordinarily we prefer our nanny not use screen time but this is a situation of you do what you gotta do.

We also can work from home and during my lunch break I’ll take a kid and hope it aligns with nap time so the nanny can take a break.

Also $27/hour is great especially if you offer other perks.

This is what we do. When 2 year old is napping, 5 and 7 year old watch tv. Our nanny does not have this issue because the older kids are in school until 3 and she only takes care of the 3 kids 2 hours/3 days a week. On the weekends, though, this is what we do…

OP, just express to your nanny that you know this is currently a difficult phase and that you appreciate her. Taking a minute to do this will mean a great deal to her.

And ignore the above know-it-all nanny. Just be glad your nanny is on your wavelength.

Anonymous wrote:A 2.5 year old still needs a nap. Most four year olds still nap.

No, not all kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny has a lot to learn. I am a nanny and I learnt how to gradually adjust naps so that afternoon nap happens at the same time. With 5 month old, the first nap is probably 9-9:30 to 10:30 am, then they need about 2,5 hrs of play time, so the second nap would happen between 1-3:30ish, should would fine for 2,5 yr old. Don't see a problem, I do it with multiple kids all the time.

OP err. No, dear, neither our nanny nor DH and I have “a lot to learn”. Our 2.5 yr old doesn’t nap anymore and our baby takes very short naps. Nanny chooses to read to 2.5 yr old when the baby naps and so do we.

NP here. You all are choosing to make yourselves exhausted and then acting like it's a crisis. I really have no sympathy for any of you. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I guarantee you that the reason that Larla doesn't get into Harvard will not be that you or your nanny decided to let her play with some toys in a child-safe area for 30 minutes while you rested instead of reading her "Hop on Pop" one more time.

The child gave up his/her nap. While the baby is sleeping, the parents and nanny choose to use the time to read to the child.
Let it go, PP. You sound insane.

Yes, they are choosing to do read instead of taking a break, and then they are worried about being exhausted or the nanny being exhausted. The OP wants to know what she can do about this...one thing she can do is take a 15-20 min break instead of reading to the kid and tell nanny to do the same. They 2.5 y.o. will survive. This is a problem with a clear origin and a clear solution.

A 2.5 year old still needs a nap. Most four year olds still nap.

Children do not "give up" on their naps at that age. Do some reading. Inexperienced parents let them do that and there is no shame in that, it just comes with experience. I completely understand parents who do not wish to fight but please know that you only need to fight a few times and then the naps will start happening. Also, remember about all that brain development that happens during sleep. I know lots of kids who do not nap on weekends with the parents but DO nap in childcare settings, or with nannies, so it's more of the behaviour thing rather than "giving up". Very small percentage of children don't need nap at 2,5, in my 20+ yrs as a teacher 90% napped just fine in a daycare center. And, the worst behaving children typically didn't nap over weekend and were exhausted, napped at school better than others. And yes, of course all sleep training was happening after the parents asked to try and sleep train.
Most parents wanted to.