Anonymous wrote:I think treating kids unequally is a great way to sow resentment. Not sure why a parent would ever do this. It's asking for trouble.

Yup. I saw this with my DH and his siblings. His mother treated them totally differently. The one she favored the most got the most money- in life and in death. And who wouldve thunk it...that sibling was the wealthiest (BY FAR) all along. I'm talking she used the money to purchase multiple properties in multiple states, vacation home abroad etc. Meanwhile. DH is still repaying student loans, we have kids in daycare, and we have been saving for a downpayment for years....and sibling is childless, sitting in the Caribbean collecting checks....

My in-laws have given full-time childcare to the kids of several siblings, paid for tutors, camps, vacations, and airfares, restaurant meals, paid off student loans, and given expensive birthday and Christmas gifts to the siblings and grandchildren. My family received nothing. We are well-off and don’t need the help, but it hurts nonetheless. They have no relationship with my kids even though they live close by. They don’t care about their accomplishments but go on and on bragging about the other siblings’ and grandchildren’s accomplishments. Some of their information is not even correct, but they spout off anyway.

when I say *they*, the sibling not the parents.

OP here, sibling got $$ towards an investment property, that they will live in half and make money from the other half.

I thought it was kind of silly. The house is over 2mil. I just wouldn't have even looked in that range if I could not afford it though, which I couldn't. We bought what we could afford, period.

Anonymous wrote:Fairness is not the same as equal amounts. You can be fair by providing for your kids when they need it, not dolling out extra cash in even piles. If your kids don't understand that it's not their money to count and cannot empathize with their own family of origin, then a lot of other things went wrong along the way.

That's fine and then the child getting more should take care of you when you need help as you are playing favorites and your favorite should take care of you.

Anonymous wrote:My DH has just learned that his mother has cut our children out of her will. The eldest grandchild gets everything. It was a shock to him but that is the way it goes. I feel sorry for our kids, but there is nothing to be done When DH asked her why she said said that is what she wanted to do and was he upset? Yup, she's a real sweetheart.

Then the oldest grandchild can take care of her when she needs help.

My parents paid for my brother's three year grad school program. I got a scholarship to grad school. They also bought my brother a car. It is not a big deal to me.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My brother has a very spotty job history with 2 firings and 2 layoffs plus 1 short sale (lost all his equity). He was also arrested once over unpaid parking/traffic tickets and crashed a couple cars.

My parents have given him hundreds of thousands (most lost in the short sale). He was just fired again so I guess they’ll have to start paying his rent and stuff again.

He’s married with 3 kids and his wife refuses to work, which drives my parents nuts. But they don’t want the kids to suffer.

I p haven’t taken money from them since college and have a much better relationship with them.

This is very similar to my older brother. He can’t keep a job. My parents give him a lot of money. Is it fair? No, but I’d rather be self-sufficient than rely on my parents as an adult. He will probably get more inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My brother has a very spotty job history with 2 firings and 2 layoffs plus 1 short sale (lost all his equity). He was also arrested once over unpaid parking/traffic tickets and crashed a couple cars.

My parents have given him hundreds of thousands (most lost in the short sale). He was just fired again so I guess they’ll have to start paying his rent and stuff again.

He’s married with 3 kids and his wife refuses to work, which drives my parents nuts. But they don’t want the kids to suffer.

I p haven’t taken money from them since college and have a much better relationship with them.

Is this OP? I think no but not sure

My DH has just learned that his mother has cut our children out of her will. The eldest grandchild gets everything. It was a shock to him but that is the way it goes. I feel sorry for our kids, but there is nothing to be done When DH asked her why she said said that is what she wanted to do and was he upset? Yup, she's a real sweetheart.

Anonymous wrote:feel blessed that you dont need to ask for help from others

+1 Generally there is a family dynamic wherein one child fulfills the “permanent child” function, so the parents help, worry about, sympathize with, etc. this child and get to feel like parents and the child gets to be the child. It’s not necessarily healthy, but most families have one. Be happy it’s not you!