Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To add context, I was molested at age 7 by a family member, so my radar is up. I spoke with my daughter yesterday and told her that no one should touch her without her permission, no matter who it is. I don't want to set her up for a "world of issues with men", but I also don't want her woken up sexually at age 9 by a cousin. Thank you for your guidance. I think the suggestion about cutting back on xyz might help mitigate and send the message without accusing him of inappropriate behavior. Thank you.

Glad you came to some resolution about this, OP. Always trust your instincts. Have a great visit with the family.

+1.

I was not abused as a child and I am a mom of 2 boys. Some of the responses on here are horrifying.
If my child/teen was doing something that was or could be perceived to be inappropriate, annoying, or creepy I would 100% want to know.
My or my son’s opinion about whether or not it was appropriate is irrelevant. No one has a right to touch another person.
The girl is 9yrs old. Anyone who says it’s ok if she doesn’t complain or speak up is wrong. She is 9 and away from home with people she doesn’t know well. She may be shy. She may be scared. She may not be able to articulate her feelings. I guarantee she is already indoctrinated by our backwards society that nice girls don’t cause trouble and that if you say once yes, you can’t say no in the future.

What is wrong with all you people who think this boy has some sort of a right to touch this girl? Why is touching needed or necessary in a cousin relationship? What is the impact if he doesn’t touch her? Is it somehow not as fun? I find it so strange that all these people think it’s ok and are defending the boy. So what if OP is overreacting or totally off base? It literally doesn’t matter. The boy (and all people) should keep their hands to themselves with people they don’t see often.

In a loud voice: Larlo, enough with the tickling and poking! It’s driving me nuts!

Gets the point across without making Larlo into a molester. Whatever the reason it’s annoying

Anonymous wrote:All of those who think a mother’s gut is always right — I wonder how you would feel if this were your 15 year old son.

As the parent of a 19 year old son, I would definitely want to know if he were behaving in any way that could be construed as inappropriate or actually makes someone uncomfortable. Wouldn’t you?

Anonymous wrote:I would say, in a loud, pleasant but serious voice (teacher voice): hey Pete, it’s not polite to poke other people. Let’s keep our hands to ourselves!

Then I’d keep a close eye on the kids.

Wow, way to shame the kid. Kids play this way. It's fine unless the daughter isn't comfortable with it, which she should tell her mom or dad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to process why this is making you uncomfortable. Unless your daughter has asked for your help, it doesn’t sound problematic. Please sit with your thoughts.

I wouldn't gaslight OP here. A mother's gut is her best tool. Always trust it. Always.

Disagree. A lot of women who were molested as children have lost all perspective. I grew up tickled by my brother and uncles, flipped upside down by my uncles, sitting in my dad's lap, having sleepovers, playing tackle football with older cousins and their friends, and was all around in a handsy family where nobody abused anybody. When I got to the age where I didn't want to be flipped upside down when wearing a dress because my underwear would show, I told my mom who told my uncles and they stopped doing it when I was dressed up. She didn't freak out, nothing was viewed as inappropriate, and we all had a great time and as adults have excellent relationships now, and are raising our kids the same way.

Anonymous wrote:All of those who think a mother’s gut is always right — I wonder how you would feel if this were your 15 year old son.

Wow, victim shaming?

What is wrong with you? He is 15 and she is little. Ridiculous.

The 15-year-old is plenty old enough to keep his hands to himself.

I have boys and they would never do this. And if they did I would 100% want to know.

They are taught in Kindergarten what to do with their hands for god's sake.

OP 100% tell his parents and talk to him. Make it very clear you will not put up with this garbage. Personally I would take him aside and no the conversation woul not be polite or nice.

I would say, in a loud, pleasant but serious voice (teacher voice): hey Pete, it’s not polite to poke other people. Let’s keep our hands to ourselves!

Then I’d keep a close eye on the kids.

I have two boys around this age and can’t imagine them doing this. If they did, I’d tell them to knock it off. It’s not appropriate or typical in the situation you describe. It strikes me as weird, honestly.

Anonymous wrote:All of those who think a mother’s gut is always right — I wonder how you would feel if this were your 15 year old son.

This would not happen to me. I have two sons that are 10 and 11, and I am teaching them to respect other’s personal space and read cues. And if I saw that my 15 year old son was continually tickling, poking and touching a 9 year old, I would nip that sh!t in the bud so fast his head would spin. NO ONE likes to be touched like this continuously.

I agree with those who say trust your gut. I have not been molested but several of my friends have and it was all done by family members under the pretense of playfulness, closeness and affection.

Anonymous wrote:I would 100% tell my husband and ask hiw thought on what to do. Also, if I were the parent of the boy (I have 3 boys), and my kid's actions towards another's child was causing discomfort, I would 100% want to know.

omg Trust your GUT, he's 15.

I would 100% tell my husband and ask hiw thought on what to do. Also, if I were the parent of the boy (I have 3 boys), and my kid's actions towards another's child was causing discomfort, I would 100% want to know.

Oh honey trust your gut!!!! It's very valuable.

I'd absolutely make sure she's sleeping in your room and I'd be aware of anytime they may be alone together.


If she seems to be irritated at all aboot he touching, I'd speak up. But I'd also just let her know that if she doesn't like it you will back her up 100%. "I don't like beingpoked Danny, please stop" goes a long way.

OP, I was not molested and you should definitely put a stop to this. I teach my six year old to keep his hands to himself let alone a 15 year old with a 9 year old girl. You're not going to set anyone up for any issues.