Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:46     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:OP, here's an example from our family ~ DH and I think THE BEST time to be on the beach is from 4-8pm. We don't want "family dinner". We don't want to sit around/plan for a family dinner every night. This is our vacation (and inlaws are not paying, btw) So, we do family dinner a time or two, but it's not a routine we accept.


Yep. And our family thinks the best time to be on the beach is 7:30-10:30 AM. So we eat a quick breakfast out of the hotel fridge, get into our swimsuits, and go. No interest in getting everyone dressed and waiting in line for some mediocre hotel waffle. OP needs to accept they just don't want the same things as she does. Why is this breakfast so important anyway?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:41     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
OP, here's an example from our family ~ DH and I think THE BEST time to be on the beach is from 4-8pm. We don't want "family dinner". We don't want to sit around/plan for a family dinner every night. This is our vacation (and inlaws are not paying, btw) So, we do family dinner a time or two, but it's not a routine we accept.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:41     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to go to breakfast on your own. Meet up together at 10. You sound horrible granny


I’m not horrible! I end up cutting food and fetching more juice instead of enjoying my own food half the time.


Oh nooooooo! Sounds just so awful. This might be exactly why the parents do not want to go to breakfast, ever think about that?


So basically the OP wants to enjoy her own food, have the kids be happy to sit and eat with her, and she needs the parents to be there so that they, and not OP, are responsible for managing the kids' needs. And the OP thinks forcing and guilt-tripping and money-guilting everyone to get up before they are ready is the way to accomplish this. I dunno, why not just have lunch together instead?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:40     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
OP- I consider 8 and 5 years old small kids. Babies and toddlers would like be up at an earlier hour. Agree with most of the other posters, go eat breakfast when you want.

Family vacation does not mean 24/7 togetherness, that’s ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:37     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Well maybe they don't want to do as many activities or as many meals with you, as many as you would like. And that's fine.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:34     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Being together is rather the point of a family vacation


OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.


I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.


OP, I'm a little bit on your side. I think your DIL is acting entitled. There is such a thing as being a good guest, and the parents should be teaching the kids that. "Gram and Gramps were nice enough to give us this trip. It's important to them that we spend some time together, so let's get up for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Why do you feel so obligated to fund this family's vacation? What is your relationship like with them the other 51 weeks of the year?


Wow, only DIL is entitled?! How about, you know, OP’s SON? He also accepted a freebie vacay and is in no rush in the morning.

Typical sexist reaction. Let me guess: #boymom?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:34     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Being together is rather the point of a family vacation


OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.


I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.


OP, I'm a little bit on your side. I think your DIL is acting entitled. There is such a thing as being a good guest, and the parents should be teaching the kids that. "Gram and Gramps were nice enough to give us this trip. It's important to them that we spend some time together, so let's get up for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Why do you feel so obligated to fund this family's vacation? What is your relationship like with them the other 51 weeks of the year?


Next time they will likely say no thanks for a free trip! Fair warning.


No way.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:33     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
You can't control other people. Bend a little.

Get uo and have breakfast when you want.

Agree to meet up in the early afternoon for a mutually agreeable activity. Stop blaming your DIL! Why does your son escape your ire?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:33     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to go to breakfast on your own. Meet up together at 10. You sound horrible granny


I’m not horrible! I end up cutting food and fetching more juice instead of enjoying my own food half the time.


Oh nooooooo! Sounds just so awful. This might be exactly why the parents do not want to go to breakfast, ever think about that?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:33     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
What activities are you missing out on?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:32     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
pp again. And your kids will be happier!!
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:30     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least


Op, go on your own vacation. Just you. Go where you want. Do what you want to do.
- Don't pay for them. You can't do it and be gracious. Resentment is the worst. No experience is worth you being resentful.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:30     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Being together is rather the point of a family vacation


OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.


I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.


OP, I'm a little bit on your side. I think your DIL is acting entitled. There is such a thing as being a good guest, and the parents should be teaching the kids that. "Gram and Gramps were nice enough to give us this trip. It's important to them that we spend some time together, so let's get up for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Why do you feel so obligated to fund this family's vacation? What is your relationship like with them the other 51 weeks of the year?


Next time they will likely say no thanks for a free trip! Fair warning.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:28     Subject: Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before bed tonight, say to them, we are going to breakfast at 8 tomorrow. Would you like to join us or should we meet up after for x activity?


But the point of a family vacation is to do activities and meals together! We want to do activities with them.


Then you are going to have to bend to their schedule. You have to pick. Their schedule with them or your schedule without them. I would not be waking up my kids every morning on vacation for some made up schedule. Luckily, my MIL would never dream of imposing such nonsense on a vacation.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2021 14:28     Subject: Re:Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Being together is rather the point of a family vacation


OP, also you need to accept that your barometer of "enough" time together may very well be different than theirs. Both parties liekly want things to go well. But they may know in their bones that x hours of togetherness is the right amount, and not y. More and they aren't at their best. Again, you can not and should not impose your will.

You aren't in charge. The sooner you accept that the better.


I am not interested in imposing my will. But I do think rushed breakfasts and missing out while we’re treating is tough to take. I won’t say anything, because apparently only their desires and expectations matter. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. It was DIL’s idea to go here so next year if I’m paying, I’m selecting location at least.


OP, I'm a little bit on your side. I think your DIL is acting entitled. There is such a thing as being a good guest, and the parents should be teaching the kids that. "Gram and Gramps were nice enough to give us this trip. It's important to them that we spend some time together, so let's get up for breakfast tomorrow morning."

Why do you feel so obligated to fund this family's vacation? What is your relationship like with them the other 51 weeks of the year?