Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessible attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

OP I would and have just shut the door.

Enjoy him, because in the next few years his life becomes busier and you will get less time.

I totally understand it's annoying and bothering you but take it from me it is not worth the argument. Its clothes and stuff on the floor material things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Don’t sweat it. These summers go fast and then they’re gone for good. If it’s clutter and not actual filth, I wouldn’t make a stink about it. Once girls start coming around he’ll learn to keep his space tidy.

Or he will expect the girls to do it once the girls start doing it for them.

Expect and communicate to your boys that clean their crap up no matter their age. Signed, exwife of a manchild and mom to 3 teen boys.

So mothers of daughters should be telling their daughters not to put up with this crap.

OP, does your son know how to clean and just doesn't choose to, or are these skills he lacks?

Anonymous wrote:This is where having a regularly scheduled housekeeper helps. Ours comes every two weeks and DS gets a one day warning to pick up his room. So, for at least one day, everything is up off the floor.

He learned to cooperate the hard way, because, when he was younger, he didn’t put some things away and the housekeeper put them where he couldn’t find them.

+100. The cleaning lady goes into their rooms on a weekly basis to clean. So they must keep their rooms reasonably clean, or otherwise the cleaning lady will inadvertently put their stuff in places where they cannot find it.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a nag and he probably can’t wait to get away from 1/2 of you for the rest of his life.

How does she sound like a nag? Sounds like she has said nothing so far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for his future wife.

How do you know he’s getting married to a woman?

NP. Because a gay man is not going to put up with this kind of slovenliness from his spouse. Making excuses for grown men is something that women do.

NP. Wow. Way to generalize. My brother is gay and a HUGE slob. People are individuals, moron.

Anonymous wrote:He has a responsibility to his community, which is the people in your household, to meet their common expectations. I think you need to have a family meeting with all the members of your community, meaning your household, to discuss the most basic expectations you have for each other.

A lot of times when I suggest a family meeting to parents of kids I work with, the parents are scared that the expectation list or ground rules will be minimal. I think you (and your college son) will be surprised about what the other kids in your family have to say about their minimum expectations for their brother.

You sound like you either don't have college students or have never had a problem. He could be SO much worse. The same could be said for messy college girls that are doing all of the things in life that have a long-lasting impact.. Such as go to school, have a summer job, and an internship. Further, wherever he went, he probably was not drunk or doing drugs because he sat and talked with his mom for 2 hours. Unless a lot is left out he seems like a good kid who is messy. Is that worth laying the law down? not to me but I guess have a cleanroom is of much higher importance to the parents. I focus on things that can not be easily fixed.

^^^ Just want to add that the entire time they were home they cooked, pitched in with keeping all common areas of the house clean, and, of course, did their own laundry (as they have been doing since they were in middle school).

Anonymous wrote:OP..no there is no food there. That has been a house rule forever. Yes there is easily accessable attic for extra room. Really torn between just enjoying the summer with him and being appalled with his living choice.

Enjoy the time with him, but be firm that it must be clean when he leaves. My sons are 27 and 24, and each has been home for an extended period of time over the past year. We enjoyed their company immensely, but that was our deal with them. When they left, they both held up their end of the bargain.

Anonymous wrote:He has a responsibility to his community, which is the people in your household, to meet their common expectations. I think you need to have a family meeting with all the members of your community, meaning your household, to discuss the most basic expectations you have for each other.

A lot of times when I suggest a family meeting to parents of kids I work with, the parents are scared that the expectation list or ground rules will be minimal. I think you (and your college son) will be surprised about what the other kids in your family have to say about their minimum expectations for their brother.

This sounds great for a family crisis. We are talking about a messy room. Keep it in perspective.

He has a responsibility to his community, which is the people in your household, to meet their common expectations. I think you need to have a family meeting with all the members of your community, meaning your household, to discuss the most basic expectations you have for each other.

A lot of times when I suggest a family meeting to parents of kids I work with, the parents are scared that the expectation list or ground rules will be minimal. I think you (and your college son) will be surprised about what the other kids in your family have to say about their minimum expectations for their brother.

You sound like a nag and he probably can’t wait to get away from 1/2 of you for the rest of his life.

Close the door, and let him know his room should be clean (not just picked up, but actually cleaned by him) when he leaves to go back to college..

Anonymous wrote:This is where having a regularly scheduled housekeeper helps. Ours comes every two weeks and DS gets a one day warning to pick up his room. So, for at least one day, everything is up off the floor.

He learned to cooperate the hard way, because, when he was younger, he didn’t put some things away and the housekeeper put them where he couldn’t find them.

Okay, so your family has never had to clean anything. How is that a solution to a kid that won’t clean?

This is where having a regularly scheduled housekeeper helps. Ours comes every two weeks and DS gets a one day warning to pick up his room. So, for at least one day, everything is up off the floor.

He learned to cooperate the hard way, because, when he was younger, he didn’t put some things away and the housekeeper put them where he couldn’t find them.

He has an internship and a job. I take a laundry basket to his room and tell him to put all his dirty clothes and wet towels in there to wash so the room doesn’t stick. I prefer to do his laundry than nag. This might be the last summer he ever is home in his life. Last weekend he came home at 2am and I asked him nothing about where he had been just if he was hungry. Made him food and we talked and ate until 4am.