Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say essential but it is helpful. But we do have strict rules about them. They leave them downstairs when they're doing homework. They're not in their rooms with them at night. They can't be checking their phone throughout family dinner. They don't really complain about it because it's just the way it is and always has been.

We’ve taken a very similar approach. Got each of our kids iPhones the summer before 6th grade. They’re in 9th and 7th now, and the rules remain, for all of us (no phones in bedrooms overnight, no phones at dinner table or while watching TV/movies as a family, etc.).

I’d also agree with the 90% stat for 6th graders with phones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes today, middle schoolers have phones. It's not the 1950s.

My son had a flip phone until high school, then got a smartphone.

Not sure why the raging fear of phones. Your kids all have computes, don't they?

No.

So no iPad, no Kindle for your middle schooler?

No

It is easy to control, but I still the fear is there. Also, the fear that they'll miss out if they don't have it.

Anonymous wrote:The fear is that it won't take long for a kid to want to do nothing but stare at their phones

You can physically take it and only hand it over for certain periods of time. I find that to be the best parental control time limit.

You never know. I don't think it's fair to say, Every kid is different, not all kids will be interested in phones and social media.

Anonymous wrote:My 6th grader has never even mentioned getting one. So I’m guessing I’ll be able to put it off until 9th grade.

I doubt it will be another 2 years before it's mentioned.

I look back now that my kid is in high school ...

I should have just started with the iphone and monitored apps that were downloaded. As others have said, yes, kids plan their social lives and school work through texting and other messaging. The kids without them were left out of the loop.

And please don't do the "well all the adults will have a phone so my kid doesn't need one." I really hated letting kids use my phone and my kid hated asking other adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not really enthusiastic about my kid having a phone. I’d rather he find other ways to entertain himself and he usually does. But now I’m wondering if he’ll miss out on social interactions without one. He’s finishing sixth grade and says more than 90 percent of kids have them. Is that accurate? Has anyone held out longer than seventh grade?

Yes

+1 We also don't have a home phone, so if they are home alone, they need a phone.

They got an android initially, but everyone else had an iphone. Apparently, the imessage group chats don't really work with android phones. My DC was left out of a lot of the group chats. It was a huge group chat.

DC saved up and bought an iphone, and DC's social life expanded.

It sucks because as a PP stated, we do fight a lot about phones, but we have a rule where all devices are cut off from data at x time, and for the MSer, the device is left downstairs. We do what we can to make sure they are not on the phone 24/7.

The fear is that it won't take long for a kid to want to do nothing but stare at their phones

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes today, middle schoolers have phones. It's not the 1950s.

My son had a flip phone until high school, then got a smartphone.

Not sure why the raging fear of phones. Your kids all have computes, don't they?

No.

So no iPad, no Kindle for your middle schooler?

Anonymous wrote:
Yes today, middle schoolers have phones. It's not the 1950s.

My son had a flip phone until high school, then got a smartphone.

Not sure why the raging fear of phones. Your kids all have computes, don't they?

No.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In middle school they tend to communicate via text and chat groups. Kids have school, neighborhood, and sports chat groups. That’s how they meet up. For example a kid will text “who wants to meet at x park to practice (sport)? And they’ll arrange times. Same to inviting each other to a pool or to someone’s house. The groups are super helpful for school questions like “did Mr. A change the deadline to Mon or Tuesday?” It isn’t obviously a necessity but it is a social and communication tool for middle school.

I agree with this. At least get them something where they can talk/text. Doesn’t have to be an expensive smartphone.

Agree. But like a PP said, you don't have to allow unlimited internet or app usage on a smartphone. You can control this and institute downtime hours via the parental control settings (for an appleID set up for an under 13 year old). It's user friendly and those lockdown features have worked well for us.

It is really up to you, but I’d generally say yes. Mine all got one in 5th- once they started getting dropped off a lot at activities. I found it extremely handy for them to be able to call me directly and:or for me to contact them directly in the event of a rain out, me running late etc etc rather than having to communicate through coaches etc. We had a couple of annoying incidents around that age before my kids had phones (lightning at baseball practice so it was called off- coach only texted DH who was out of town and didn’t see the text- turned into a fiasco...and a time with DD when I was late due to a traffic accident blockage and she was very upset etc)

As for social interaction, yes, by 6th grade kids mostly communicate via text etc. directly rather than going through parents. Kids who can’t do that do tend to be left out.

An appleID and ipad would be fine for communicating- but I figured if I was going to allow that I might as well just get them a phone so that I can communicate with them etc.

My 6th grader has an old iPhone with strict parental controls and no access to the internet browser btw. She uses it to text her friends and take photos. She has some apps but I need to approve anything before it is downloaded (parental controls) and also has time limits.

Yes today, middle schoolers have phones. It's not the 1950s.

My son had a flip phone until high school, then got a smartphone.

Not sure why the raging fear of phones. Your kids all have computes, don't they?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In middle school they tend to communicate via text and chat groups. Kids have school, neighborhood, and sports chat groups. That’s how they meet up. For example a kid will text “who wants to meet at x park to practice (sport)? And they’ll arrange times. Same to inviting each other to a pool or to someone’s house. The groups are super helpful for school questions like “did Mr. A change the deadline to Mon or Tuesday?” It isn’t obviously a necessity but it is a social and communication tool for middle school.

I agree with this. At least get them something where they can talk/text. Doesn’t have to be an expensive smartphone.

I tried that initially with DS but he was missing a lot from texts because none of the emojis come through. He found it really frustrating. We switched to a cheap Android smartphone and really locked down the internet/app stuff via a parental control app.