Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

DH and I are both very polite, self-deprecating, considerate, tolerant, etc... We teach our kids to be considerate but I honestly sometimes worry they'll grow up to be pushovers. I see it on the playground already. It's a fine balance to strike. I like your approach that bargaining and pushback is acceptable to an extent. The difficult question is where exactly do you draw the line, without confusing the kids. We have taken the approach that they can try to talk to us politely about anything, but that whining, pushing, hitting, etc. will never be tolerated (let alone successful as negotiating strategies).

I think that’s a good line. I know that for some families, a no is a hard no, but I just can’t get it into my head that my child should have to obey me without question or pushback just because I’m an adult. Sometimes I say “I can’t articulate the reason I am requiring you to do this, I’ll try later, but you need to do it anyway,” or I might say “we need to do it this way because it is simpler for me even though it is harder for you, and I know that’s not really fair but otherwise I will lose my mind,” but it’s always understood that bargaining and reasoning and pushback are allowed.

My kids’ teachers say my kids are very respectful and well-behaved and sweet, and my kids get invites to other kids’ houses often (in line with pandemic severity), so I figure they can’t be that bad, right?

But this is a good reminder that the debates about rules and expectations need to stay at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

DH and I are both very polite, self-deprecating, considerate, tolerant, etc... We teach our kids to be considerate but I honestly sometimes worry they'll grow up to be pushovers. I see it on the playground already. It's a fine balance to strike. I like your approach that bargaining and pushback is acceptable to an extent. The difficult question is where exactly do you draw the line, without confusing the kids. We have taken the approach that they can try to talk to us politely about anything, but that whining, pushing, hitting, etc. will never be tolerated (let alone successful as negotiating strategies).

Anonymous wrote:I have found that kids, even babies, are basically just people. Some I like, some I don't like, some I can just tolerate. I have never understood people who profess to like a whole group of people, like babies, toddlers, old people, etc. It makes me wonder if they are able to see them as individuals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

We are rarely amused or impressed with a clumsy stranger's creative arguments to obtain permission to basically break shit in our house.
I appreciate that this is a higher SES family's approach to child-rearing. "Teach your kids to be confident and stand up for themselves; practice negotiating and winning what they want; practice challenging authority with eloquence." It really does create entitled pushy people, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

Anonymous wrote:I like other people's kids but I don't feel as comfortable around kids as I do adults. I feel like I never really know what to say to them other than the typical "how's school?" questions, which feels very fake. I have the same issue with my own kids sometimes TBH. It's not that I don't like kids, I just can't relate to them. I am really good conversationalist in general with adults but kids make me nervous. I'm a PTA president but the thought of being room parent freaks me out.

Babies are different because there is no need to have a conversation with them. I don't "love" all babies but I can appreciate them and like being around them.