Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

You’ve clearly never dated anyone with kids lol

Much easier to deal with sons than daughters.

I’m dating someone with 2 daughters and I’ve had no issues.

In fact my bf says it’s usually women who are the problem - the women he’s dated get weirdly jealous of his daughters. To the point where they want him to give up custody and not see them anymore.

When I was a kid, my dad dated women who tried to act like my mom and tell me what to do or create rules and try to enforce them. He finally stopped dating when he realized most women didn’t understand boundaries and that he was the parent, not them.

My BFF is married to a man with a teenage daughter she can’t stand, and as an outsider, I can see the problem is 100% her and not the child. Again, she tries to be the mom and enforce rules and has zero boundaries.

I think there’s something seriously wrong with women who can’t get along with other females. It’s like those women who say they can only have male friends because all females are catty/manipulative/etc. No they’re not, the problem is you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

You’ve clearly never dated anyone with kids lol

Much easier to deal with sons than daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

NP and this was my first thought, too. You’re just meeting the daughter for the first time and you and your BF can’t refrain from arguing in front of her? That doesn’t seem appropriate, and I know it would’ve made me uncomfortable and protective of my mom back when I was a kid and she was dating. It doesn’t sound like your relationship has a healthy dynamic - to scapegoat a 12 year old girl and just totally dismiss her discomfort with the situation (”overprotective”)? C’mon.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship, and that has nothing to do with his daughter.

We don’t even know what the argument was about.
She could have said I’m getting the chicken for dinner and he said no get the steak.
A child seeing that kind of “argument” is whatever.

Some of you must really love your glass houses.

I also take it that OP and the dad have probably argued in the past.
If the relationship is argumentative, it’s on the father to protect his daughter not use her as a reason to stick it to his gf for arguing with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

NP and this was my first thought, too. You’re just meeting the daughter for the first time and you and your BF can’t refrain from arguing in front of her? That doesn’t seem appropriate, and I know it would’ve made me uncomfortable and protective of my mom back when I was a kid and she was dating. It doesn’t sound like your relationship has a healthy dynamic - to scapegoat a 12 year old girl and just totally dismiss her discomfort with the situation (”overprotective”)? C’mon.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship, and that has nothing to do with his daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the most toxic relationship of my life was one where I was dealing with constant drama from my boyfriend’s teenaged daughter. She was 13 when we started seeing each other and 15 when I finally walked. I loved her and we had some good times together - she actually keeps in touch with me now and is estranged from her father - but her drama basically undermined the relationship and I don’t honestly know if we couldn’t have made it just fine had she been living with her mother and not her father. Some days it just felt like she was jealous of me and we were in competition for the same man - it was weird. No, I don’t think there was anything inappropriate between them. I just think that preteen and teen girls can be very toxic and it can be really hard to parent them from the place of a solid long term relationship, much less a new relationship where you are de facto stepmother but without any really authority in her eyes.

If you’re not really in love with this guy, if you have reservations about him - I would say walk now before things get uglier.

This. I never date men with daughters. Of any age. I only date men with sons or men with no kids.

+1

I always said I would not date a man with young daughters. Even adult daughters can be problematic

Self hating women are fascinating to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.

Anonymous wrote:Am I reading this correct? You tried to break up and he wouldn’t let you? For me, THAT is a much bigger red flag than any drama with his daughter. He doesn’t get to decide if you want to date him or not. You don’t need his permission to stop being in a relationship with him for any reason. He sounds incredibly manipulative. It’s sad for his daughter, but you need to keep yourself and your son safe. Get out now!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not have argued in front of his daughter. You’re both adults and should know better. You stop talking about it immediately and discuss later when you’re alone.

He sounds absolutely terrible for making violent jokes. Cussing I don’t mind, but I don’t tolerate any sort of violence from men, even joking.

Sounds like the daughter is the most mature one here.

this part. Who behaves like this? Especially when you're all getting together for the first time. You and he need to do better. Even if you break up, you need to do better.