Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 18:19     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?



I would email back the coach and say “Wow - really? So you are asking if my DS wants to come to each game, sit around and watch other kids - some who have significantly less experience then him - because he was cut from the team? How would you feel to receive such an invite for your DS? If you say you wouldn’t mind- perfect! Your DS can be the manager and my DS will take his spot. Shall I inform the league we will be making this swap? Otherwise, I expect an apology. And I assume by your email that you are acknowledging that you summarily cut my DD from the team for improper reasons and feel remorse.”

Then you need to step back from the friends including you with the moms for a while and move on to something else

because what i learned the hard way now that my child is older is that as the parent we have to make the decision bc kids will put themselves in situations to get hurt over and over again if we don’t actually model for them how to move away from bad friendships



Don't do this. Lots of kids get cut from teams and make it the following year, and this is a surefire way to ensure that doesn't happen.

Take a deep breath OP and focus on helping your son as he manages through this new diagnosis and treatment plan. One step at a time.

There isn't a mother around who wouldn't feel exactly as you do - hurt, sad for your child. Your feelings are completely natural.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 17:54     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:OP no to manager spot.

My DS was on a baseball team rec and soccer rec with neighborhood dads. He sat on the bench. The reasoning he was too quiet and nonaggressive personality.

At the end of the year we moved him to other teams. He just wanted to play. Rec again he gave up baseball (he wasn't a fan).

Years later HS, DS varsity Lax and State champion track. Divison 1 Lax. Those same kids nope.

You see boys grow a lot in MS and HS things change. Most important thing do not let others take his confidence away.


Every rec team has play time rules. Were these coaches not following the minimum playtime rules?
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 17:46     Subject: Re:Getting cut from the team
I would email back the coach and say “Wow - really? So you are asking if my DS wants to come to each game, sit around and watch other kids - some who have significantly less experience then him - because he was cut from the team? How would you feel to receive such an invite for your DS? If you say you wouldn’t mind- perfect! Your DS can be the manager and my DS will take his spot. Shall I inform the league we will be making this swap? Otherwise, I expect an apology. And I assume by your email that you are acknowledging that you summarily cut my DD from the team for improper reasons and feel remorse.”


I can't see that getting OP what she wants. Fine to decline the team manager spot, but no reason to create drama. It is kids' sports, keep some perspective. Just say, "no thanks, he's not interested," if that is in fact how the kid feels.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 16:31     Subject: Re:Getting cut from the team
I think there are a lot of different types of club/travel teams.

My older DS (12) started playing club this year and had fun. They played through fall/winter (we live in a warm climate)- 2 practices per week and one tournament a month. Tournaments were either in our city or in a city 2hrs from us. They stopped for spring little league (all the boys’ last year of LL). We didn’t find it particularly stressful. DS enjoyed it more than little league I think.. Most of the kids still played their “other” non baseball sport, if it was running. DS played in a rec flag football league too. However, this was lower level club ball (playing AA/AAA tourneys)- the serious Majors level teams seem to be a much different story.

Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 15:45     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a former collegiate baseball player, with a talented 11yo baseball playing son, this is one of the many reasons I have a hard "no travel teams" at this age.

In my experience, they do more harm than good


Agreed. Dh was D1 for a sport and even played in the minors before an injury ended his hopes for beyond. And doesn't want DS to do any travel leagues until he's older. He thinks the whole culture can be toxic


Exactly right. For the most part, they don't get that much better instruction, especially the ones run by "glory days" dads. But it creates a toxic culture.

It also forces specialization at far too young an age. The best athletes are the ones that play a different sport every season and don't specialize until they have to

But the worst is that it takes the fun out of it. If all the boys from OPs story had been in a rec league, they'd all be together having fun, making memories and loving baseball.

And lets be real, none of these boys are making MLB. So keep it fun for as long as possible
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 15:35     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:As a former collegiate baseball player, with a talented 11yo baseball playing son, this is one of the many reasons I have a hard "no travel teams" at this age.

In my experience, they do more harm than good


Agreed. Dh was D1 for a sport and even played in the minors before an injury ended his hopes for beyond. And doesn't want DS to do any travel leagues until he's older. He thinks the whole culture can be toxic
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 15:33     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?



I would email back the coach and say “Wow - really? So you are asking if my DS wants to come to each game, sit around and watch other kids - some who have significantly less experience then him - because he was cut from the team? How would you feel to receive such an invite for your DS? If you say you wouldn’t mind- perfect! Your DS can be the manager and my DS will take his spot. Shall I inform the league we will be making this swap? Otherwise, I expect an apology. And I assume by your email that you are acknowledging that you summarily cut my DD from the team for improper reasons and feel remorse.”

Then you need to step back from the friends including you with the moms for a while and move on to something else

because what i learned the hard way now that my child is older is that as the parent we have to make the decision bc kids will put themselves in situations to get hurt over and over again if we don’t actually model for them how to move away from bad friendships



Care to explain where the bad friendships are? The moms actually sound considerate and clearly the boys aren't about to ditch OPs kid because he didn't make the team. Your entire post seems like a complete over reaction.
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 15:28     Subject: Getting cut from the team
As a former collegiate baseball player, with a talented 11yo baseball playing son, this is one of the many reasons I have a hard "no travel teams" at this age.

In my experience, they do more harm than good
Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 10:33     Subject: Re:Getting cut from the team
OP what kind of team is this, and how old is your son? I ask because you mentioned he was cut but then mentioned tryouts...

Is this a rec league tournament team (all stars etc) or select team?

If that is the case, then yes- if it is close, they will take regular season coaches kids if it is close between a few kids. Sometimes even if it is NOT. Especially at the younger age groups. It is the way it is (BTDT).

Don’t be discouraged, and definitely don’t burn bridges (sounds like he is extremely well liked and probably barely missed the cut)- he may make the team next year.

Anonymous
Post 05/30/2021 10:23     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:My DS was the only kid in his group of friends cut from a summer travel baseball team. He's really upset. Part of it is that he wanted to make the team. Part of it is that it's all his friends are talking about. Part of it is the social aspect - kids hang out afterward et cetera.

I feel terrible for him. He is also justifiably upset. He had a good tryout, but two of the kids who made the team, one of whom struck out at each at bat, have dads who are coaches. It felt political too.

Three of the moms texted me asking if they should ask their sons not to talk about it around my son. Which made me feel even worse for him, like they're trying to now protect him out of pity.

Then one of the coaches emailed me asking if my son would like to "manage" the team, which means he would travel with the team but not play. I don't totally know what it entails. But maybe this would make my DS feel pathetic. I just got the email and have yet to bring it up to him.

Just kind of processing my thoughts here.

This comes hot on the heels of an ADHD diagnosis for my son. It's been a rough spring for him. He is upset about maybe needing medication and now this.

WWYD?



I would email back the coach and say “Wow - really? So you are asking if my DS wants to come to each game, sit around and watch other kids - some who have significantly less experience then him - because he was cut from the team? How would you feel to receive such an invite for your DS? If you say you wouldn’t mind- perfect! Your DS can be the manager and my DS will take his spot. Shall I inform the league we will be making this swap? Otherwise, I expect an apology. And I assume by your email that you are acknowledging that you summarily cut my DD from the team for improper reasons and feel remorse.”

Then you need to step back from the friends including you with the moms for a while and move on to something else

because what i learned the hard way now that my child is older is that as the parent we have to make the decision bc kids will put themselves in situations to get hurt over and over again if we don’t actually model for them how to move away from bad friendships

Anonymous
Post 05/29/2021 22:40     Subject: Getting cut from the team
Anonymous wrote:He’s in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. He wants to be around his friends. Yes, by all means let him “manage” the team. Also if anyone drops out or gets injured, sometimes they’ll pull the “manager” back into the team.


That would never happen. They don’t pull random kids, even managers, to fill in. They are not on the team.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2021 21:42     Subject: Getting cut from the team
As a wife of a travel sports coach, I can tell you my husband loses more sleep over cuts than anything else. It tears him apart that he has to cut kids. Especially nice hardworking kids. That kills him. He talks to me about it to the point I can't listen. I hate the concept of judging and cutting KIDS.

I'm guessing the coach thinks very highly of your sons work ethic and his attitude due to the offer to manage the team. I'd say go for it and if your son really wants it he will continue to work hard and earn his spot back. He would have never been asked this if he was not highly respected.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2021 21:07     Subject: Getting cut from the team
I agree with PP. Also, get a great high school/college player to practice with him to up his game for next year's tryouts.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2021 17:37     Subject: Re:Getting cut from the team
Not sure how old your son is (10 or under I assume)

This happened to my DS when he was 9. He was over it in a day. Make sure you, as parents, don’t overreact and make a big deal out of it.

My son made the team the following year.

The manager idea sounds awful. I wouldn’t have him do it.

I’d move on and have a great summer. Focus on other things. Play fall baseball, and work on skills on the side if he wants to.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2021 16:22     Subject: Re:Getting cut from the team
Find your kid another team and get over the fact that he didn’t make the team but the kids who have dads that volunteer their time and effort did.

As a volunteer for a travel team, no one is beating down the door to be a coach or coordinator or scorekeeper. There are people that help, and people that don’t. No coach is cutting a kid whose dad is going to help in favor of someone whose parents are likely going to sit on the sidelines and cheer. Sorry.