Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention the fact that shes literally giving up her summer so your family can have a more enjoyable one.

The sense of entitlement in this post is absolutely insane.

INSANE. I’m seriously shocked that not only does OP think that someone shouldn’t be paid more when responsible for an additional child (a CHILD, not even close to a teenager, likely still an elementary schooler), she believes the nanny’s job is actually EASIER taking care of an additional child. It’s a rare 11 year old who would be just thrilled to play with a 7 year old for hours at the playground.

Can you really not afford to give your nanny an extra 30 bucks a week??

For a full day, every week.

Instead of being happy to enjoy the occasional event, the nanny will have an angsty 11yo, upset 7yo and energetic (oblivious) toddler.

I think part of the issue is that OP doesn’t get that having him for a full day every week will quickly change the dynamic between the kids. Sure he is fun and helpful with the 7yo when they only visit a few times a year. But it will quickly become more like siblings and 11 yo siblings find toddlers and 7yos annoying and boring. So it will be work for the nanny to find ways to keep it fun and engaging for all 3 kids so the dynamic stays positive. I also wonder how recently they last visited this cousin.

If it’s so easy and fun to have him along, why not have him come on a weekend day when you will be watching the kids?

If the nanny is responsible for the pre-teen’s safety and well-being, you add 30% to her daily pay every damn time she is responsible for him.

If the nanny can completely disregard the pre-teen’s safety and well-being, not caring if he wanders off, fall out of a tree, drowns, or sets himself on fire, then you don’t need to pay. You would need to re-evaluate your standards and morals though, if you are OK with your nephew being ignored by nanny.

Your 3rd option is don’t pay her, make her responsible for your nephew, and then try to find a new nanny when she quits on you mid-summer.

Here’s what you need to ask:

“Nanny, my 11 yo nephew will be staying with us once a week through the summer. Would you be willing to take on the responsibility of caring for him on top of your other duties? I’ll pay you an additional $75 each shift he is here.”

Former nanny who 1) would have expected extra pay for this and 2) would be very skeptical about the 11 year old being game to hang out with a nanny, 7 year old and toddler (as PPs have said). At that age they want to be with their friends, biking/running around the neighborhood, enjoying some level of independence, and not being 'babysat'.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to mention the fact that shes literally giving up her summer so your family can have a more enjoyable one.

The sense of entitlement in this post is absolutely insane.

INSANE. I’m seriously shocked that not only does OP think that someone shouldn’t be paid more when responsible for an additional child (a CHILD, not even close to a teenager, likely still an elementary schooler), she believes the nanny’s job is actually EASIER taking care of an additional child. It’s a rare 11 year old who would be just thrilled to play with a 7 year old for hours at the playground.

Can you really not afford to give your nanny an extra 30 bucks a week??

For a full day, every week.

Instead of being happy to enjoy the occasional event, the nanny will have an angsty 11yo, upset 7yo and energetic (oblivious) toddler.

And lastly, if you can afford to take a vacation and you are wealthy enough to have a nanny then pay the lady! Why would you cheap out over this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 11 and 7 year olds. They don’t want to do the same things. The 11 year old thinks playgrounds are for babies. He’s be happy to play video games all day though.

Yes and some 11 year olds are earning money as mother’s helpers. It sounds like OP’s nephew is helpful.

Yes but, this nephew isn't!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family is going away for the summer (about two months) and we are bringing our nanny to watch our two kids, 7 and 15 months. My brother and his 11 yo DS live in the area and we've been talking about having my nephew spend one day a week with my family. They don't live that close (up to an hour's drive) and my brother works so he'd drop off my nephew in the morning and pick him up in the evening.

Our nanny's work day is 10-5. The one day a week our nephew spends with us, I'm thinking that the nanny takes my two kids and nephew out for a few hours to the playground or park in the afternoon and brings them home. Otherwise, my nephew won't be with her at all except when we all have lunch together, but nanny won't have to do anything for him.

How should I approach this with nanny? Is it necessary that I offer her extra pay? I'll be honest, I'd rather not give her extra $$ since 1) my nephew is an independent 11 yo who needs little oversight, not a small child and 2) while yes, an extra child is more responsibility, his being there makes nanny's job easier; he will play with my 7yo, freeing nanny up to focus on my toddler. If he weren't there, nanny would have to try to keep both the 7yo and toddler entertained, which is not easy.

How badly do you want your nanny to watch your 11 year old nanny? If you really want her than don't be cheap and pay her. You could ask your brother for the money. I don't care how "easy" your nephew is or how he would make it "easy" on your nanny. What if your nephew got hurt? Your nanny is in charge and would be responsible. Please offer her a fair amount. If I was the nanny and you asked me to watch an extra kid for nothing I would say no. And then what are you going to do? You can't force her to watch him!

If she likes you and her charges she may say no but, at least offer her money! If you don't offer you are acting like she isn't really valuable to you and that she doesn't do real "work".

Nephew, not nanny

Anonymous wrote:My family is going away for the summer (about two months) and we are bringing our nanny to watch our two kids, 7 and 15 months. My brother and his 11 yo DS live in the area and we've been talking about having my nephew spend one day a week with my family. They don't live that close (up to an hour's drive) and my brother works so he'd drop off my nephew in the morning and pick him up in the evening.

Our nanny's work day is 10-5. The one day a week our nephew spends with us, I'm thinking that the nanny takes my two kids and nephew out for a few hours to the playground or park in the afternoon and brings them home. Otherwise, my nephew won't be with her at all except when we all have lunch together, but nanny won't have to do anything for him.

How should I approach this with nanny? Is it necessary that I offer her extra pay? I'll be honest, I'd rather not give her extra $$ since 1) my nephew is an independent 11 yo who needs little oversight, not a small child and 2) while yes, an extra child is more responsibility, his being there makes nanny's job easier; he will play with my 7yo, freeing nanny up to focus on my toddler. If he weren't there, nanny would have to try to keep both the 7yo and toddler entertained, which is not easy.

How badly do you want your nanny to watch your 11 year old nanny? If you really want her than don't be cheap and pay her. You could ask your brother for the money. I don't care how "easy" your nephew is or how he would make it "easy" on your nanny. What if your nephew got hurt? Your nanny is in charge and would be responsible. Please offer her a fair amount. If I was the nanny and you asked me to watch an extra kid for nothing I would say no. And then what are you going to do? You can't force her to watch him!

If she likes you and her charges she may say no but, at least offer her money! If you don't offer you are acting like she isn't really valuable to you and that she doesn't do real "work".

OP, I think you have vastly optimistic expectations.
My son is 12, and he's a great kid. Responsible, mature, etc.
He's not interested in babysitting, but he'd be totally fine doing it if he wanted to.

He's much older than his cousins - the cousins range in age from 4 to 7. He is *so* kind and helpful when they are around - for a while. Eventually, he gets sick of giving piggy back rides and chasing kids around a playground. He's be super annoyed at me if I set him up for a summer of entertaining his cousins every week. And then if I told him that *he* had a babysitter?!? Oh no.

So I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with your brother about what will be best for your nephew. Maybe he comes and hangs out at your house once a week, but it's clear that he is independent. He can go to the park with the little kids if he wants, or he can stay home and play video games with his friends from home if he wants. And he's responsible for his own lunch, cleaning up after himself, etc.

If that's the case, you don't need to pay the nanny more.
If your nephew can't handle that level of responsibility (which is totally possible! There's a huge range of normal around that age!) then you need to pay her something more. You also need to expect that after the novelty of playing with cousins wears off, he may not be charming and helpful all summer.

Op’s title specifically says that the nanny will be watching the 11 year old. Yes she gets paid since she will be responsible for the 11-year-old, regardless of how independent or “helpful” he is.

Anonymous wrote:$40 - From your brother.

Out of courtesy.

Why should the brother pay? OP has invited the nephew and OP has decided to make these arrangements for the day. It’s up to OP to pay the nanny according to whatever arrangements the’ve agreed to. It would be nice if, at the end of the summer, the brother gives the nanny a thank you gift.

$40 - From your brother.

Out of courtesy.

What does the 11 year old do on other days while your brother works?? Is he in some sort of care? If so, he still needs to be watched and the nanny should be paid.

If not, and he's capable of staying home alone and is allowed too, then he can do the same at your house and the nanny should not feel like she has to watch him or even bring him to the park. If he's independent 4 other days during the week, he likely won't be interested in a set up where the nanny tells him what he has to do at your house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 11 year old is almost old enough to baby sit. You should pay more for a baby, toddler, preeschooler... not a kid in middle school that goes along with everything, needs nothing and helps watch the kids...

On the other hand, if for some reason he has LD or is agitated, and creates more work for the nanny, then yes... you should pay her more.... not for a normal 11 year old though

Serious question...have you ever met an 11 year old?

I have an 11 year old. They wouldn't want to hang out with a nanny and a toddler and 7 year old all day. If they were visiting after a while they'd get the hint if OP was never found as there is no point as that's not really a visit. They'd rather be with friends/play video games/camp of their interests/pool. It is not a huge favor to the parents if they have to drive 4 hours round trip. OP and parents would be better of switching off and just seeing each other weekends for a few hours.