I am the child of an alcoholic but I am not neither an alcoholic nor addicted to any other substances. I am a child of divorce but have been with the same person for over 20 years. My spouse comes from a ‘intact’ family pushing 50 years married and is emotionally stunted and verbally abusive. Never judge a book by its cover.

I wouldn’t date a person with that standard because it shows they are judgmental, rigid, and not very bright (illogical reasoning).

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

No, this is beyond stupid to generalize all people from divorced parents this way. I think it would be a deterrent if anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

Oh my ummm wow. Would he date a man with divorced parents? He doesnt seem very open-minded. Keep that in mind if you are thinking about having children with him. He will box them in too.

He's straight, so no he wouldn't date a man.

Sure he is. Why do you think he is so rigid? He is uncomfortable with his thoughts and decisions. Total red flag. Beta male.

Thanks PP - you get it!

Last two PPs are homophobic aholes. What are you some stupid redneck republicans who have been divorced multiple times?

Everyone has different standards; if they are concerned, it's a standard to have, especially while younger, but they are probably leaving out some good people. It's up to them.

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way when I starting dating with an eye towards a marriage and family. I never would have said it out loud though

+1. Although in my case, it was mostly men whose parents were never married at all. And knowing what I know now, those men 1000% weren't marriage/family man material.

I think the parental/family situation is a fair standard to have if it aligns with your values. If someone you're dating doesn't agree, well so what, you can disqualify each other as incompatible quickly instead of wasting time!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can't be his only great idea. What else does he say? Humor me.

one house one spouse

Oh, this one is also a good one. We subscribe to this too.

Anonymous wrote:I dated a divorced woman who was the child of parents who divorced multiple times.

Their family values (if we are allowed to say that again) were: marriage is temporary. Run away at the first sign of trouble.

We split. She married a second time and divorced again. Commitment is simply beyond her.

I think most people are shaped by their childhood and their parents marriage. Where do you have any sense of security if adults in their lives kept on divorcing or being with other people?

Anonymous wrote:This can't be his only great idea. What else does he say? Humor me.

one house one spouse

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

So he thinks someone should stay married even if they are being abused..either physiclaly or mentally? What about alcohol or drug issues? I would hate to marry such a black and white thinker!

No, he thinks they should divorce. And he doesn't want to be with the child of an alcoholic or abuser.

DP here. My DH and I think the same too. These people are victims but they are also very messed up. They can go both ways - become abusers or do everything opposite of their parents. I have seen too many people who are very destructive as adults because of what kind of childhood they had.

This can't be his only great idea. What else does he say? Humor me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way when I starting dating with an eye towards a marriage and family. I never would have said it out loud though

+1 this.
I didn't have a lot of actual experience with anybody who had divorced parents (that I knew of). But it was definitely something I had thought about. Not so starkly, but more like, yep, similar backgrounds, good to have stable families, close families.

+ 1
I am happily married to someone who has similar background as mine, and I feel it allowed both of us to not have baggage from childhood. Our parenting styles are also similar and like our parents, we do not think twice about putting our kids first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

So he thinks someone should stay married even if they are being abused..either physiclaly or mentally? What about alcohol or drug issues? I would hate to marry such a black and white thinker!

No, he thinks they should divorce. And he doesn't want to be with the child of an alcoholic or abuser.

I dated a divorced woman who was the child of parents who divorced multiple times.

Their family values (if we are allowed to say that again) were: marriage is temporary. Run away at the first sign of trouble.

We split. She married a second time and divorced again. Commitment is simply beyond her.

OP, I have been thinking about this. DH and I have come from a culture where people did not used to divorce. As the couples grew older they sort of made peace with their situation and of course put their kids first. Both DH and I came from intact and functional families and this has allowed a lot of the business of living to go on despite some extreme ups and downs in the families.

My kids are grown. Here is what I have told them - 1) don't marry a child of divorce, 2) don't marry a person who has addiction and genetic mental illness and 3) once you marry, don't have babies unless you have lived together for a few years. People show you who they are and you should believe them. Addiction, abuse and adultery cannot be tolerated, and children tend to mimic what they see in their homes.