We are both the same age, from 35 to 45 we were together pretty much every other day, over the past few years it’s gone down to maybe twice a week. Over this past year with Covid and perimenopause becoming full menopause we are down to maybe once a week and sometimes I can see her in her face that this is purely a maintenance bang. I go down, make sure she is satisfied and she will usually have a few more on top of me me but I’m sad that it’s all going to end soon. I’m praying that after she adjusts to menopause we can figure something out but she doesn’t look at me the same way she used to.

I didn't ~ woman, age 60

Mine has varied with stress more than anything. I still had a drive after baby 1 but took a few months to recover from the birth. After second baby, came back 10 days after the birth.

It’s not been the same or felt the same throughout adulthood, but that’s life, and it still feels good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Guessing that people who have complaints are more likely to post. If, for example, you're in your 40s and kids and other responsibilities mean less time and energy, but things are still going pretty well, that's kinda a boring story. But it's true.

It's a mom's and dads board so it's going to skew towards parents of young kids and the truth is most women especially lose their sex drive in this window if they are married for a while. The PPs who say they have a great libido are second marriages and divorced. Duh. Everyone has a high libido early in s relationship

I’m 39 and divorced for 4 years. It has soared. I’m deeply thankful. I left a sexless marriage with a man that had low T, but was also cheating for egotistical reasons. I held a lot of blame for things I should have; and a lot of blame towards him. Forgiving both of us for being human helped me grow new wings.


Sex is amazing now. I’m very particular about whom I share the experience with. I’m also very realistic and forthcoming about expectations. It hasn’t failed me yet.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Guessing that people who have complaints are more likely to post. If, for example, you're in your 40s and kids and other responsibilities mean less time and energy, but things are still going pretty well, that's kinda a boring story. But it's true.

I married at age 19, the worst mistake of my life. Four children in 7 years. Divorced when youngest reached age 18. No sex the last 9 years...

When did your sex drive plummet?

"By the power vested in me by the State of Virgina, I now pronounce you husband and wife..."

FWIW...

I am a 56yo male and started dating a 58yo woman about 5 months ago. She had been divorced for many years and had survive cancer and a double mastectomy. Prior to meeting her, I had come out of a difficult marriage and a horrible divorce, and hadn't dated in years and had given up hope of a good sex life which caused my drive to plummet. I felt I was finally ready to date and we luckily crossed paths. Here is what I want to add to this thread...

I am completely in love with her and she with me. We both agree that the sex we are having is the best of our lives, and we are doing it a lot. Our sex drive(s) are what we both felt during our much younger years, but when combined with knowing ourselves, our bodies, and not being afraid to ask for what we want and try things, it's incredible. It feels normal, natural, hot, loving, and easy - and a regular topic of conversation. I never imagined that I would be having sex like this at this age.

And this is all despite the fact that our bodies are far from perfect. We often talk about, accept, and even embrace our imperfections. For instance, I make an effort to give her pleasure where her breasts once were because I want her to reconnect with those feelings.

So what I found is that our sex drives are largely fueled by our relationship; a bad relationship = low sex drive and visa versa.

Lastly, I will say that even though my marriage was in the crapper, I believe that it could have been saved and our sex life could have come back. She wasn't willing to go to counseling and put in the work so it unfortunately went to all out war. But I'm glad it did because the hell I went through was worth the heaven I'm living now.

I wish you all good luck in revitalizing, or continuing, this incredibly important part of your relationship... and life!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

I'm 35 and just had our 2nd, its non existent. I want it back so bad. My poor husband, I know he needs it and its hard for me to fake it, but I guess I need to

Early to mid 40s. Pregnant or breastfeeding continuously for about 6 years. Weaned the last child over a year ago at age 45 but little improvement in the libido department.

Wife's dropped at age 29 when we had our second kid and, except for a brief spike when she was 36 (and reading the 50 Shades series) hasn't really recovered in the past 15 years. I'm 5 years older than her - mine held strong until about 2 years ago when I hit 47.

I've mostly been patient, but there was a stretch of about 5 years or so when the libido mismatch was really causing tension in our marriage. As my libido has started to decline, that tension is much reduced.

It's usually in your early 40s, and yes, statistically most couples are down to sex 1x a week or less but YMMV. As a previous poster noted, there are exceptions to the rule, but I'd bet the exceptions are second marriages.