Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Do you explicitly say as early as possible “if we don’t see xyz change in behavior before the end of the year, this won’t be a good fit for him next year.” How clearly do your communicate minor things you’re working on from serious concerns. I’m on my 3rd kid and I swear every conference is the same vague pleasantries of good and bad info and it’s impossible to read when someone is elevating to a real concern

As a private school teacher you can’t threaten “if we don’t see improvement by this date your kid is out”. We make the seriousness known however and suggest ways to rectify the behavior at home. We would never say everything is fine unless it is. We’d give you positives but also negatives about your child at school. You’ll know when it’s a real concern if you’re listening.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive. [/quote]

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me? [/quote]

[b]The discussion is about being kicked out of a private school. You can go to public. [/b] What do I expect parents to do as another parent? Monitor your kid, work with your kid, model good behavior, have consequences. We had a friend whose kid was a nightmare for lack of better terms. Both of our kids had SN. The kid came over with mom and broke a bunch of my child's toys. Mom said a bit of glue will fix it and its no big deal. It was to us and our child. She refused to supervise, sit in the room with the kids, etc and just wanted to hang out. I didn't let her invite herself over again. I also expect you to get parenting help and get your child help. It goes hand in hand. If a teacher expresses a concern, you address it at home and have consequences at home. On the rare occasion mine has acted up at school, I expect apology notes to all involved and lose electronics or something else for a week. We don't take poor behavior at school lightly.[/quote]

That’s a good point. I’m sorry.
We did go public for a little while and ultimately ended up homeschooling that particular child. Honestly, one of the biggest regrets of my life is doing all of the things you describe to my child when he was in early elementary school. This wasn’t rate at our house. It was weekly. We had years of reports from school, apology letters, taking away toys, books, friends, etc. (we were a no electronics house), giving him stimulants and sedatives. All to this little, little boy.

I hate this trope that all behavioral problems at school can be managed with a big enough carrot or stick at home. Maybe that is true sometimes, but you are seriously messing with some children and families by repeating that over and over again. [/quote]

If you are a no electronics home then taking away toys and books is not a good plan. You don't take away books. If none of it is working, your child has much more going on and you seek out specialists to help and keep trying. You hire an advocate and get them into a SN school as they are entitled to an education via the school system and not all SN schools take private pay. No one is messing with children or families but the point is we don't want our kids going to school with kids who are disruptive or violent. For an entire year, my child was terrorized by another child in 2nd grade. My child was attacked daily by another child. It was horrible. The staff said the child was hugging but it was an unwanted hug and no child should be forced to "hug" another child in public school. We had to remove our IEP/services to get out of the classroom that was SN that we were forced into and told the only way to get services was to be in that classroom so so because of this child, mine had to go without services at school. Sometimes its not just your child impacted.

I'm sorry you family and child struggled like that and I hope you child is doing well now but understand that a disruptive child can have an trickle down effect on other kids.

And, maybe let the kid have some electronics. It should be about moderation and not all or nothing.[/quote]

He is in eighth grade now and doing well. He has been homeschooling for several years and is regularly evaluated by an independent teacher. He does have electronics now. He does not have special needs, (as usually defined as mental illness or a learning disability) and did not need an advocate or to go to a special needs school.

And I’m sorry about what happened with your child. No one wants to be the parent of the disruptive or violent child either, I assure you. But these behaviors should be addressed at the time and in the environment where they are occurring. Taking away that child’s electronics at home isn’t going to change his behavior at school. That really only works with children like yours (and like two of my three), who really don’t have much trouble at school anyway. [/quote]

If you need to homeschool because of behavior then your child does have special needs and it sounds like you are in denial. My child had SN and there is no way I'd pretend they didn't or get them help. You need to reinforce consequences at home for things that happen out side the house. You ignoring the situation isn't going to make things better or easier for him.

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Do you explicitly say as early as possible “if we don’t see xyz change in behavior before the end of the year, this won’t be a good fit for him next year.” How clearly do your communicate minor things you’re working on from serious concerns. I’m on my 3rd kid and I swear every conference is the same vague pleasantries of good and bad info and it’s impossible to read when someone is elevating to a real concern

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive. [/quote]

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me? [/quote]

[b]The discussion is about being kicked out of a private school. You can go to public. [/b] What do I expect parents to do as another parent? Monitor your kid, work with your kid, model good behavior, have consequences. We had a friend whose kid was a nightmare for lack of better terms. Both of our kids had SN. The kid came over with mom and broke a bunch of my child's toys. Mom said a bit of glue will fix it and its no big deal. It was to us and our child. She refused to supervise, sit in the room with the kids, etc and just wanted to hang out. I didn't let her invite herself over again. I also expect you to get parenting help and get your child help. It goes hand in hand. If a teacher expresses a concern, you address it at home and have consequences at home. On the rare occasion mine has acted up at school, I expect apology notes to all involved and lose electronics or something else for a week. We don't take poor behavior at school lightly.[/quote]

That’s a good point. I’m sorry.
We did go public for a little while and ultimately ended up homeschooling that particular child. Honestly, one of the biggest regrets of my life is doing all of the things you describe to my child when he was in early elementary school. This wasn’t rate at our house. It was weekly. We had years of reports from school, apology letters, taking away toys, books, friends, etc. (we were a no electronics house), giving him stimulants and sedatives. All to this little, little boy.

I hate this trope that all behavioral problems at school can be managed with a big enough carrot or stick at home. Maybe that is true sometimes, but you are seriously messing with some children and families by repeating that over and over again. [/quote]

If you are a no electronics home then taking away toys and books is not a good plan. You don't take away books. If none of it is working, your child has much more going on and you seek out specialists to help and keep trying. You hire an advocate and get them into a SN school as they are entitled to an education via the school system and not all SN schools take private pay. No one is messing with children or families but the point is we don't want our kids going to school with kids who are disruptive or violent. For an entire year, my child was terrorized by another child in 2nd grade. My child was attacked daily by another child. It was horrible. The staff said the child was hugging but it was an unwanted hug and no child should be forced to "hug" another child in public school. We had to remove our IEP/services to get out of the classroom that was SN that we were forced into and told the only way to get services was to be in that classroom so so because of this child, mine had to go without services at school. Sometimes its not just your child impacted.

I'm sorry you family and child struggled like that and I hope you child is doing well now but understand that a disruptive child can have an trickle down effect on other kids.

And, maybe let the kid have some electronics. It should be about moderation and not all or nothing.[/quote]

He is in eighth grade now and doing well. He has been homeschooling for several years and is regularly evaluated by an independent teacher. He does have electronics now. He does not have special needs, (as usually defined as mental illness or a learning disability) and did not need an advocate or to go to a special needs school.

And I’m sorry about what happened with your child. No one wants to be the parent of the disruptive or violent child either, I assure you. But these behaviors should be addressed at the time and in the environment where they are occurring. Taking away that child’s electronics at home isn’t going to change his behavior at school. That really only works with children like yours (and like two of my three), who really don’t have much trouble at school anyway.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive. [/quote]

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me? [/quote]

[b]The discussion is about being kicked out of a private school. You can go to public. [/b] What do I expect parents to do as another parent? Monitor your kid, work with your kid, model good behavior, have consequences. We had a friend whose kid was a nightmare for lack of better terms. Both of our kids had SN. The kid came over with mom and broke a bunch of my child's toys. Mom said a bit of glue will fix it and its no big deal. It was to us and our child. She refused to supervise, sit in the room with the kids, etc and just wanted to hang out. I didn't let her invite herself over again. I also expect you to get parenting help and get your child help. It goes hand in hand. If a teacher expresses a concern, you address it at home and have consequences at home. On the rare occasion mine has acted up at school, I expect apology notes to all involved and lose electronics or something else for a week. We don't take poor behavior at school lightly.[/quote]

That’s a good point. I’m sorry.
We did go public for a little while and ultimately ended up homeschooling that particular child. Honestly, one of the biggest regrets of my life is doing all of the things you describe to my child when he was in early elementary school. This wasn’t rate at our house. It was weekly. We had years of reports from school, apology letters, taking away toys, books, friends, etc. (we were a no electronics house), giving him stimulants and sedatives. All to this little, little boy.

I hate this trope that all behavioral problems at school can be managed with a big enough carrot or stick at home. Maybe that is true sometimes, but you are seriously messing with some children and families by repeating that over and over again. [/quote]

If you are a no electronics home then taking away toys and books is not a good plan. You don't take away books. If none of it is working, your child has much more going on and you seek out specialists to help and keep trying. You hire an advocate and get them into a SN school as they are entitled to an education via the school system and not all SN schools take private pay. No one is messing with children or families but the point is we don't want our kids going to school with kids who are disruptive or violent. For an entire year, my child was terrorized by another child in 2nd grade. My child was attacked daily by another child. It was horrible. The staff said the child was hugging but it was an unwanted hug and no child should be forced to "hug" another child in public school. We had to remove our IEP/services to get out of the classroom that was SN that we were forced into and told the only way to get services was to be in that classroom so so because of this child, mine had to go without services at school. Sometimes its not just your child impacted.

I'm sorry you family and child struggled like that and I hope you child is doing well now but understand that a disruptive child can have an trickle down effect on other kids.

And, maybe let the kid have some electronics. It should be about moderation and not all or nothing.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive. [/quote]

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me? [/quote]

[b]The discussion is about being kicked out of a private school. You can go to public. [/b] What do I expect parents to do as another parent? Monitor your kid, work with your kid, model good behavior, have consequences. We had a friend whose kid was a nightmare for lack of better terms. Both of our kids had SN. The kid came over with mom and broke a bunch of my child's toys. Mom said a bit of glue will fix it and its no big deal. It was to us and our child. She refused to supervise, sit in the room with the kids, etc and just wanted to hang out. I didn't let her invite herself over again. I also expect you to get parenting help and get your child help. It goes hand in hand. If a teacher expresses a concern, you address it at home and have consequences at home. On the rare occasion mine has acted up at school, I expect apology notes to all involved and lose electronics or something else for a week. We don't take poor behavior at school lightly.[/quote]

That’s a good point. I’m sorry.
We did go public for a little while and ultimately ended up homeschooling that particular child. Honestly, one of the biggest regrets of my life is doing all of the things you describe to my child when he was in early elementary school. This wasn’t rate at our house. It was weekly. We had years of reports from school, apology letters, taking away toys, books, friends, etc. (we were a no electronics house), giving him stimulants and sedatives. All to this little, little boy.

I hate this trope that all behavioral problems at school can be managed with a big enough carrot or stick at home. Maybe that is true sometimes, but you are seriously messing with some children and families by repeating that over and over again.

So sorry OP. Privates don't have to take any child they don't want to take for almost any reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me?

The discussion is about being kicked out of a private school. You can go to public. What do I expect parents to do as another parent? Monitor your kid, work with your kid, model good behavior, have consequences. We had a friend whose kid was a nightmare for lack of better terms. Both of our kids had SN. The kid came over with mom and broke a bunch of my child's toys. Mom said a bit of glue will fix it and its no big deal. It was to us and our child. She refused to supervise, sit in the room with the kids, etc and just wanted to hang out. I didn't let her invite herself over again. I also expect you to get parenting help and get your child help. It goes hand in hand. If a teacher expresses a concern, you address it at home and have consequences at home. On the rare occasion mine has acted up at school, I expect apology notes to all involved and lose electronics or something else for a week. We don't take poor behavior at school lightly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me?

Generally support and often an evaluation. A parent who gets a troubled report from school needs to observe their child in the room and work on the issues at home. All behavioral issues can be discussed at home with rewards from parents for appropriate behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

I’m sure that’s true but why would a school wait until now to be explicit? The parents deserve a chance to try to find a better fit.

How explicit do the teachers need to be? You tell the parents that this is a major problem and they do nothing. What did they think was going to happen? Also sometimes there is a last-straw sort of thing like hitting it hurting another child that calls for sudden action.

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Parent of a child with behavioral issues here (and other children without issues, so it isn’t 100% me). What exactly do you expect parents to do about behavioral issues that occur during school? I do not get the impression that teachers are asking my advice on how they should handle the situation. And I am not there to deal with it. What are you looking for from me?

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

Maybe some parents do this, but I suspect that some were also like me. My first had developmental delays, but the doctors were always pretty positive/hopeful about it, and told us not to be concerned. It wasn't until preschool that we really saw the gaps, and it was the wonderful teachers that pointed us to public preschool. Some parents might just not know what the next steps are, or that their child would be eligible for OT, PT, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.

I’m sure that’s true but why would a school wait until now to be explicit? The parents deserve a chance to try to find a better fit.

I think it’s really lousy that schools are doing this after the past crazy year. It’s not like any of us has been our best since March 2020.

Our kid was a WRECK when 1st grade was remote/hybrid with little classes of 10 kids all spaced out and not allowed to speak to each other going in 1-2 days/week (assuming the school wasn’t shut down yet again for a covid case). A complete and total wreck. Crying in school, refusing to do her work, etc. The teacher brought up ADHD, autism, oppositional defiant disorder, etc etc. they wanted us to explore schools for troubled children. Howecer, our kid’s psychologists said to try to wait out some of the covid craziness before we took decisive action.

Well, NYC elementary school came back full-time a month ago and the kids are back to normal classes 5 days/week. it’s like she’s a new kid - happy, doing really well in school, making friends, hasn’t cried in weeks. The teacher is pleasantly shocked - she said it’s like night and day. The school said they no longer think she needs an eval, and put it on hold.

These schools should not be allowed to pull this crud this year, specifically. Because who knows how much of this is situational. And this past year+ has been rough. For all of us.

Parents definitely play down issues or don’t see how disruptive certain behaviors can be in a group setting. While I don’t doubt you, OP, as a teacher I have reached out to many parents regarding behavioral issues and they blow it off. Then they’re shocked when their child isn’t invited back for the next year.

Yes, I’m sure some schools are “heartless” - some parents are completely dismissive.