Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 10:42     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Generally speaking as I know every case is different--I also wonder if there is a difference if you have a boy vs. a girl.

As a mom of a girl, yeah I just cannot sleep as I worry about her safety. One extra thing of concern with girls is the vulnerability within their own friend group (i.e. guys in their friend group).

I mean--totally generally speaking, and also theoretically speaking, since I don't have an adult son...but my friend's son is 6'2" and was on the football team. He's also a level-headed, non-partier kid. My friend doesn't worry about him getting beat up or raped.

And I think another aspect is the personality of the kid--if you have a risk-taker etc or not. And even small things: I have one DD who sometimes forgets to shut the garage door or might not lock the front door. But I've got a younger one who is really good with that kind of stuff.

Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 08:48     Subject: Re:College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
I sympathize with you. I'm a really light sleeper, and I CAN'T go to sleep when other people are up.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 08:46     Subject: Re:College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
OP, I'm asking as gently as possible... what happens after college? When your child moves out and does not live under your roof? Can you think of this as training for that time? It will come eventually and if you work on stress/anxiety reducing efforts now, you'll be better off in the future.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 08:39     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
I've learned to sleep. They text me if they'll be super late.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 08:37     Subject: Re:College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
You need to let your college age CHILD be an ADULT, but it's reasonable to ask that they are home by midnight if there's a noise they make when they come in.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 18:55     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
This is one of the reasons I could not wait to move out after college. My parents were the same. They would say the same thing.."I can't sleep until I know you are home'.

I get it.. I have kids now, and maybe I might end up the same way, which is why I would ecourage my kids to leave the nest if they don't want to adhere to my rules.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 18:55     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
PP here. Can you ask them to text you/tell you when they plan to be home-ish? Even if the understanding is that you won't necessarily be awake? And explain that it helps you feel better? My kid has been pretty good about doing this and sticking to what he says. It does help.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 18:53     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
OP, I also have a college kid coming home, and I also worry like this...but honestly, my kid is an adult with good coping skills (mostly), and as others pointed out, hey, they were doing the same thing at college...

I wish I had better advice besides "try really hard not to worry so much," because I know it's easier said than done, but I don't.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 11:00     Subject: Re:College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
I’m dealing with this with my 18-year-old high school senior. It’s making me crazy.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 13:37     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Anonymous wrote:This is an anxiety issue that you need to address. Whether your adult child is going out until 1 am while staying in your home or while living in the dorm, the issue is the same. If you can sleep not knowing where he is at college, you can sleep when he is living out of your home!



+1
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 11:34     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.


Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

Agree that OP's child is an adult if they already graduated from college, so maybe 22-23 y.o.
But if they are 3rd year college student, then they should abide by OP's house rules. Mom's still kicking in the tuition and living expenses.

You are an adult when you can stand on your own two feet.


He is a legal adult regardless of whether mom wants to subsidize him financially.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 11:33     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
This is an anxiety issue that you need to address. Whether your adult child is going out until 1 am while staying in your home or while living in the dorm, the issue is the same. If you can sleep not knowing where he is at college, you can sleep when he is living out of your home!
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 11:26     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.


Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

Agree that OP's child is an adult if they already graduated from college, so maybe 22-23 y.o.
But if they are 3rd year college student, then they should abide by OP's house rules. Mom's still kicking in the tuition and living expenses.

You are an adult when you can stand on your own two feet.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 11:25     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We work up early. As a Mom I can’t sleep til kid home . I know I know. Trying to give freedom but also hoping for advice on compromise use at least during work week. 2nd summer after college.


Why are you worried about an adult? You have no liability for them.

Agree that OP's child is an adult if they already graduated from college, so maybe 22-23 y.o.
But if they are 3rd year college student, then they should abide by OP's house rules. Mom's still kicking in the tuition and living expenses.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 11:14     Subject: College age kid home out til 12 or later many nightd
Anonymous wrote:Yep. I never stop worrying but I need to sleep, and some mornings get up and go downstairs to work.

I explained to my daughter why her being out until early morning hours causes me such anxiety until she comes home or i know she is staying with friends for the night.

To her, she didn't understand why I worry so much when she's home versus when she's away at college. I've explained that it's easier to let the anxiety go, but when we are expecting her to come home to my house, I'm a mom and I will never stop worrying.

She understands that so we worked out me leaving the bedroom hall light on, I can see some light through my door, if I wake up in the middle of the night and worry if she's home, if the light is off, I'm can roll back over, if it's not I can check my phone to see where she is - she does share her location with me- and roll back over to sleep. She's almost always with her small group of friends from HS.


Thanks, PP. Not OP, but I'm so glad to know that it's not just me!!!