Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:40
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
+1. Don’t stand for this OP. Please have some serious conversations with your DD about where she’s getting this and why it’s so attractive to her now. She needs guidance and moral clarity from her parents. Please do not leave this for her to “figure out” on her own. She’s entered a cesspool and needs help before she is completely sucked in.
Do you have recommendations for conversion therapy?
Don’t be an ass. “Conversion therapy” is not an issue because there is nothing to convert. OPs young tween is “experimenting.”
why do you need serious conversations and moral clarity about experimenting?
PP here and excuse me, I misspoke. OP did not say that her child is experimenting. She said that she is “confused.” Are you seriously telling me that parents should not step in with mature guidance and moral clarity when their child expresses confusion, especially about an issue this fundamental to their very nature?
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:39
Subject: Re:Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:An awful lot of people in this discussion, including OP, need to learn the difference between gender and sexuality.
Yes this is such a problem.
Sexuality is who you’re attracted to (and not necessarily in a sexual way, it can just refer to crushes).
Gender is more complicated but we can think about it by exploring how we would feel if somebody called “sir” if we are a woman or “ma’am” if we are a man. We might not be able to put a finger on why it is inappropriate but we all know that it feels wrong.
Gender and sexuality are not binary (there aren’t just two), they are bimodal. which is a statistical term where you can look at the spectrum of how people identity with their gender and you will see two humps where most people identify as a man or woman (with some being Uber-men and some super-(feminine) and then some are in between those two bigger curves.
Technically, this is incorrect. There are two genders, as determined by the XY or XX chromosomes. How someone feels is a completely different discussion.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:36
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just because exploring gender identity and sexuality is a trend right now doesn’t mean it’s harmful. So what if your kid comes up to and says she is pansexual? What is the harm in saying “okay I love you no matter what!” and leave it at that? Maybe they will change their mind later, maybe they won’t.
Exploring your identity is a very important part of adolescence. Let them explore.
I do think when you get into conversion therapy it’s different but hey guess what? There are mental and physical health professionals to guide you through that. If your kid actually wants to transition, the possibility that they will change their mind later is soooo small it’s not worth worrying about. What is worth worrying about is destroying your relationship and harming your child’s mental health by refusing to acknowledge that the kid knows their identity better than you do.
And yes I am very familiar with this phenomenon, I have a 12yo child who now identifies as non-binary and it seems like all their friends are identifying as something besides cis heterosexual. I have read their text messages and I know what’s going on.
Exactly. Leave them alone to explore. Do not tell them to go explore because they should question themselves. You are wrong about the chances of KID transitioning regretting it. The chances are over 90% they will identify with their birth gender in young adulthood. Beyond that age, the chances are very slim someone will eventually regret changing.
I’m talking about somebody who goes through TRANSITION chasing their mind. That is extremely rare.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:34
Subject: Re:Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:An awful lot of people in this discussion, including OP, need to learn the difference between gender and sexuality.
Yes this is such a problem.
Sexuality is who you’re attracted to (and not necessarily in a sexual way, it can just refer to crushes).
Gender is more complicated but we can think about it by exploring how we would feel if somebody called “sir” if we are a woman or “ma’am” if we are a man. We might not be able to put a finger on why it is inappropriate but we all know that it feels wrong.
Gender and sexuality are not binary (there aren’t just two), they are bimodal. which is a statistical term where you can look at the spectrum of how people identity with their gender and you will see two humps where most people identify as a man or woman (with some being Uber-men and some super-(feminine) and then some are in between those two bigger curves.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:34
Subject: Re:Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:An awful lot of people in this discussion, including OP, need to learn the difference between gender and sexuality.
^^^
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:32
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
I agree with both of you.
The entire idea of spending hours on the internet researching to decide that you are a “Demigirl” or whatever just reeks of self-centered attention seeking. I cannot imagine how far back my eyes would roll if my child told me this. I would probably limit internet time and try to get her to read more actual literature.
True they should read Tess of the Dubervilles and learn a woman’s value is only in marriage or the great gatsby where nobody works, they drink too much snd kill somebody driving recklessly and cover it up.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:32
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Girls like attention and claiming to be different in a fundamental way, especially a socially acceptable one for the time period, is a GREAT way to get attention and kudos in your social circles. In the 90s, a WHOLE bunch of girls claimed to be "depressed and suicidal" a la Kurt Cobain and would walk around literally talking all day about how sad and depressed they were. Magically this mostly went away in the 2000s when it was no longer en vogue to act like a crazy suicidal person. Bisexual was all the rage in the 2000s and all the girls were flaunting that they kissed their best female friend or whatever. Now it's parasexual transfluid whatever. I have no doubt that some people are literally gender nonconforming for valid biological or psychological reasons but I guarantee you 95% of these girls are just attention seeking. I have a colleague whose daughter claimed to start living her life as a man when she was 13, changed her name and everything. By 17 she was done with it. "just a phase bro"
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:31
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Just because exploring gender identity and sexuality is a trend right now doesn’t mean it’s harmful. So what if your kid comes up to and says she is pansexual? What is the harm in saying “okay I love you no matter what!” and leave it at that? Maybe they will change their mind later, maybe they won’t.
Exploring your identity is a very important part of adolescence. Let them explore.
I do think when you get into conversion therapy it’s different but hey guess what? There are mental and physical health professionals to guide you through that. If your kid actually wants to transition, the possibility that they will change their mind later is soooo small it’s not worth worrying about. What is worth worrying about is destroying your relationship and harming your child’s mental health by refusing to acknowledge that the kid knows their identity better than you do.
And yes I am very familiar with this phenomenon, I have a 12yo child who now identifies as non-binary and it seems like all their friends are identifying as something besides cis heterosexual. I have read their text messages and I know what’s going on.
Exactly. Leave them alone to explore. Do not tell them to go explore because they should question themselves. You are wrong about the chances of KID transitioning regretting it. The chances are over 90% they will identify with their birth gender in young adulthood. Beyond that age, the chances are very slim someone will eventually regret changing.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:30
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
I agree with both of you.
The entire idea of spending hours on the internet researching to decide that you are a “Demigirl” or whatever just reeks of self-centered attention seeking. I cannot imagine how far back my eyes would roll if my child told me this. I would probably limit internet time and try to get her to read more actual literature.
It’s normal for adolescents to want attention and to explore their identities. It is always a good idea to limit internet time and seek good sources, but I sincerely hope you don’t roll your eyes if your child seeks you out to talk to you about their identity. That would be a massive missed opportunity to connect with your child.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:28
Subject: Re:Confused about all the gender bending
An awful lot of people in this discussion, including OP, need to learn the difference between gender and sexuality.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:27
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Just because exploring gender identity and sexuality is a trend right now doesn’t mean it’s harmful. So what if your kid comes up to and says she is pansexual? What is the harm in saying “okay I love you no matter what!” and leave it at that? Maybe they will change their mind later, maybe they won’t.
Exploring your identity is a very important part of adolescence. Let them explore.
I do think when you get into conversion therapy it’s different but hey guess what? There are mental and physical health professionals to guide you through that. If your kid actually wants to transition, the possibility that they will change their mind later is soooo small it’s not worth worrying about. What is worth worrying about is destroying your relationship and harming your child’s mental health by refusing to acknowledge that the kid knows their identity better than you do.
And yes I am very familiar with this phenomenon, I have a 12yo child who now identifies as non-binary and it seems like all their friends are identifying as something besides cis heterosexual. I have read their text messages and I know what’s going on.
Exploring your identity is a very important part of adolescence. Let them explore.
I do think when you get into conversion therapy it’s different but hey guess what? There are mental and physical health professionals to guide you through that. If your kid actually wants to transition, the possibility that they will change their mind later is soooo small it’s not worth worrying about. What is worth worrying about is destroying your relationship and harming your child’s mental health by refusing to acknowledge that the kid knows their identity better than you do.
And yes I am very familiar with this phenomenon, I have a 12yo child who now identifies as non-binary and it seems like all their friends are identifying as something besides cis heterosexual. I have read their text messages and I know what’s going on.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:23
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
I agree with both of you.
The entire idea of spending hours on the internet researching to decide that you are a “Demigirl” or whatever just reeks of self-centered attention seeking. I cannot imagine how far back my eyes would roll if my child told me this. I would probably limit internet time and try to get her to read more actual literature.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:21
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
+1. Don’t stand for this OP. Please have some serious conversations with your DD about where she’s getting this and why it’s so attractive to her now. She needs guidance and moral clarity from her parents. Please do not leave this for her to “figure out” on her own. She’s entered a cesspool and needs help before she is completely sucked in.
Do you have recommendations for conversion therapy?
Don’t be an ass. “Conversion therapy” is not an issue because there is nothing to convert. OPs young tween is “experimenting.”
why do you need serious conversations and moral clarity about experimenting?
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:20
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
That is not what is happening. You can be a strong woman and I can be a strong Demigirl. How does that diminish “Womanhood”?
Nobody said women are week. Some femakes assigned at birth just don’t fit into your expanded box.
Our generation didn’t have a box. That’s the point. You could be any which way, you were still a woman. “Free to be you and me” and all that.
I don’t know, op. Every generation needs to rebel somehow. I think maybe this one had so few rules that they’re making up things to rebel against. The idea of tweens coming out as “pansexual” kinda boggles my mind though.
P
The fact that you think our generation "did not have a box" show how incredible off base you are.
Women were not free to fly jets, be football players, be CEO, be president, wear male clothes to prom/weddings/work.
I am 48. I’ve owned a tux for many years, it was tailored for me and I wore it to multiple events. I am female. The fact that some people believe that I can’t [insert as needed] does not change my gender. I also don’t color my hair, despite what DCUM says, and have a short haircut with a side fade. Still female.
Why are you making this about you, do you always do that?
So what, everybody does not have to be you... that is very narcissistic of you.
Also being demi or pan does not mean you are not female, educate yourself.
Anonymous
05/12/2021 08:19
Subject: Confused about all the gender bending
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Our generation worked so hard to expand the notion of what it means to be female--you can be strong, ambitious, loud, athletic, aggressive, whatever--and now it seems like kids are putting "female" in this small, weak box and identifying anything outside that stereotype as something other.”
OP here. This! It makes me so sad. Womanhood is so powerful, and I know I have set an empowering example. That is partly why I am confused.
+1. Don’t stand for this OP. Please have some serious conversations with your DD about where she’s getting this and why it’s so attractive to her now. She needs guidance and moral clarity from her parents. Please do not leave this for her to “figure out” on her own. She’s entered a cesspool and needs help before she is completely sucked in.
Do you have recommendations for conversion therapy?
Don’t be an ass. “Conversion therapy” is not an issue because there is nothing to convert. OPs young tween is “experimenting.”