There is always a place for him to play and work hard at improving himself. It will be good for him to hear you positively framing his hard work.

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing at this age is that they are enjoying the game, and bonus if there's some good character building as well, such as being a good teammate. If your son enjoys playing with his team and they are all good to each other, then that is the perfect situation for him. This board makes it hard to keep perspective because there is so much emphasis put on "top" teams, but reality is that half the kids who play are playing on teams in the bottom half of their club. That doesn't mean it's any less enjoyable or valuable for them than it is for the other half.

As for aggressiveness, I liked a comment I overheard this week during a game where my son's team got destroyed. One of the parents said, "They'd do better out there if they were more aggressive and threw their bodies around more. But the fact that they don't probably bodes well for their character later in life." That's not a judgment of players who are more aggressive, just a recognition that there's positive to find in all of it if you look.

+1 on all of this, especially re enjoying the game. I was a bit bemused to marry into a soccer family, but it has been so fun to see the kids embrace the game. We have learned that kids who are more marginal players have to get lucky to play at a very competitive level, but that’s not a big deal over the long term if they still like playing. Our DD is a decent athlete (but not fast) with excellent vision and good skills. Didn’t make her HS team, but has been a club soccer star in college—club or intramural sports in college are fantastic for community building. Our older son is a great athlete and player who plays for a very good D1 team but doesn’t have half the fun our DD does. Third kid is a good athlete who sounds a whole lot like OP’s kid at a slightly older age. While we would love to see hopim put it all together and become an impact player, we ultimately just want him to keep playing at a level that challenges him no matter what so he gets the benefit of the exercise, personal growth, and team bonding.

It is really hard to remain calm when your kid gets cut and his friends promoted, but it’s one of those opportunities to vow to be your best self. The kids move on more quickly, especially if you help them focus on other things that bring them pleasure.

The most important thing at this age is that they are enjoying the game, and bonus if there's some good character building as well, such as being a good teammate. If your son enjoys playing with his team and they are all good to each other, then that is the perfect situation for him. This board makes it hard to keep perspective because there is so much emphasis put on "top" teams, but reality is that half the kids who play are playing on teams in the bottom half of their club. That doesn't mean it's any less enjoyable or valuable for them than it is for the other half.

As for aggressiveness, I liked a comment I overheard this week during a game where my son's team got destroyed. One of the parents said, "They'd do better out there if they were more aggressive and threw their bodies around more. But the fact that they don't probably bodes well for their character later in life." That's not a judgment of players who are more aggressive, just a recognition that there's positive to find in all of it if you look.

Your son is in the same place 99 % of the population of the world is in. Hell, even the GREATEST young players in the history of the US have been middling at best compared to the young kids in soccer crazy countries, and that plays out. I know what you mean though big time. I have two boys: one makes every team he ever tries for while his brother seemed to miss all the athletic genes. I am a dad, and I tell ya my heart aches for my younger boy. It's been enough to be not good enough, but it is another thing to share living space with someone who always has been good enough. Here is the thing though" the sport is teaching my younger son a lesson that my older son will inevitably have to learn. My younger son , ironically, has a chance to explore more interests and to dabble in more things simply because he isn't intoxicated by glory in sport- because he can't be. My older boy on the other hand will get the eye opener a some point, and it will be a hard, hard lesson. But my wife and I are realistic- we don't have Messi or Ronaldo. We don't have Pele or even Pulisic ( not to denigrate Pulisic at all, he is a fantastic player, but on the world's stage he is middle of the road- our boy would not be middle of the road on the world's stage and will never even get that far.
It's funny how many ways we find to torment ourselves as parents: my son got rejected by a girl- what does that do to him? My son tries, but his grades aren't stellar- what does that do to him? That's really where we come in right? We have to mold the byproduct of the experience into something conducive to our child living a satisfying, meaningful life. We can't completely whitewash it, because our kids in their hearts really know where they are, and if we tell them "It's just a matter of time" they know you are just doing your parental duty and helping their battered feelings.
What I just wrote SOUNDS good to me, I just wish I always believed it or played the right cards.
Sounds like your child , OP, is in good, caring hands.

My son was similar but after he started wrestling in high-school came back to soccer with a very different mentality about the physical side of the game. Kids at 12 can change, encourage him to keep working on the things he's good at and be patient as he rounds out his game in his own time.

sign him up for football or rugby that will help him get over the physical contact part real quick

Unfortunately, unlikely that will work for him, since he is 25th percentile in height and weight. His other sports are swimming and track.

sign him up for football or rugby that will help him get over the physical contact part real quick

That's a tough age, but I hope he continues to stick with it if he's still having fun. So much can change in a few years. At U12, my kid was middle-of-the-pack on a mid-level travel team. A few years later, after a big growth spurt and confidence boost, they're starting for one of the top teams in the state. We've had friends whose kids moved on from soccer, but are excelling at cross country and track. Keep it fun, and yours will find their stride.

He can also ref. A great way to earn money, build confidence, and stay involved with the game.

There are so many other sports. Try ultimate frisbee, fencing, crew, squash, summer swim team. He’s obviously in great shape and may love one of these.

From having two kids go through the soccer thing, keep in mind that kids at U15+ are much different than they were at U12.

NP Really appreciate this thread. Thanks to all for these thoughtful and caring posts.

Same thing happened with my son. Great skills, but not aggressive enough as he got into the older age groups. He saw he couldn't really compete at that level anymore, so moved to a less competitive team. With the extra time he had, he tried a new sport which he turned out to excel in. He's happier than he's ever been. Soccer seemed so important at the time, and often made him feel bad about himself. And I felt bad for him too. No real advice here, but just know you are not alone.

Nothing wrong with your son. It will turn on in time, for now all you do is support him. My son plays in college now and it wasn’t until U15 when he really got big and along with that the confidence to challenge ever play. At U12 you see all shapes and sizes in the field, it can be intimidating. For now, focus on his passion and IQ for the game.

I encourage my DD to focus on personal goals, to meet not shrink from challenges regardless of the scoreboard - things she can control and let the rest fall where they will.
"When a door closes, a window opens" which could be second or different sport/activity - but always moving forward. Resilience and grit is so important in life.