Anonymous wrote:If you are an older mom of a young toddler (I am talking mid--late-40s, not mid-30s), were you able to find your group of friendly moms? How do you go about looking? We don't spend a ton of time in the park and when we do, ppl in the local park seem to still be distancing. Plus I am not a great outgoing conversationalist. I'd love to connect with some peers though. So where/how to look?

Not really. I had a ton of traumatic medical issues prior to becoming a parent so I wasn't really into the complaining culture of parenthood--plus we are an adoptive family so I don't expect one tribe but many mini nuggets of tribes

I am only 38, but our situations may be comparable because most people in my social circles began having kids at 21-24, while I did not start until 31.

I have found it easiest and most convenient logistically to make friends with moms of same-age kids, regardless of my age difference with the mom. Most of the moms that are my age have elementary to teenage kids and are in a totally different stage of life than me and DH. Also, they're free of all the annoying baby/toddler burdens like diapers or potty training, so I feel like I wind up cramping their style. Our routines just don't mesh conveniently. So even though many of them would probably be great potential friends in 20 years when we are all empty nesters, right now my mom friends are all younger, with only one exception.

Why don’t you just find friends who are your age?

Most women in their mid-late 40s dont have toddlers. 35 is already advanced maternal age. I had a baby at 38 and it was labeled a geriatric pregnancy.

This thread is about an old mom wanting to find mom friends who are also old. There is another thread about a working mom who wants to find other working mom friends to delve into deep conversations with. Don’t you guys have any friends from before having kids???

I gave birth to two kids in nyc where I had lots of friends from before becoming a mom. I had friends from college, grad school, work and just friends of friends. I did not have friends and mom friends. I just had friends. I then moved to dc and had another child and stopped working. I made mom friends from the neighborhood and my children’s preschool and elementary. I only have mom friends here because I didn’t know anyone before I moved here with kids. There are moms of my kids’ friends. Some are moms I met at school or some kid event that I am friends with but our kids aren’t. There are mom friends I met in preschool when kids were friends but the kids grew apart but we still keep in touch and hang out. I don’t discriminate on age, race or book interests.

Pandemic makes things worse. I think it is a bit odd that you are specifically looking for old moms, not just older moms. Women in their mid-late 30s are on the older side. Women in their mid 40s are entering menopause and don’t normally have babies. I am in my mid 40s. My friends are not having babies right now.

I have never met a friend from a playground type place. I once thought I clicked with a mom at an indoor play place and exchanged contact info. I texted her a few times and she never responded.

Omg are any of you who are outraged actually from a tribal background? I am and I think the use of the word is appropriate-a group where you belong.

Anonymous wrote:I am 43 and my youngest is 4. I don’t find it difficult connecting with younger moms. My oldest is now 12. When he was in preschool, I befriended an older mom who I later learned adopted her child. She was probably mid 40s back then so definitely in her mid 50s now. I remember the mom I liked most was a decade older than me. She was a pediatrician from the UK and just really thoughtful. At the end of the day, I don’t think it matters if you are 2 years apart or 15 years apart.

Most of my friends are in their mid-late 30s while I am 43. I don’t feel that much of a difference. I’m a SAHM after holding some senior roles. I meet moms who are just starting out, never got started, trying to move up the working world or stopped working in various stages of their lives.

It's great for you, I am glad that my issue is not an issue at all for you. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's not universally applicable, just because it worked well for you.

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Anonymous wrote:If you are an older mom of a young toddler (I am talking mid--late-40s, not mid-30s), were you able to find your group of friendly moms? How do you go about looking? We don't spend a ton of time in the park and when we do, ppl in the local park seem to still be distancing. Plus I am not a great outgoing conversationalist. I'd love to connect with some peers though. So where/how to look?

I tried but failed and felt really bad at times with other new moms. I would think about what it is that you are looking for? The moms I met were generally involved with their own situation and child and there was no real connecting. We were all trying to do the best for our baby, when they got a little older I felt some moms were starting to reach out more maybe to find a buddy or some level of support? It's really the wild west out there. I remember attending a indoor playspace and I was cornered by one crazy non stop talking mom and then another time I sat a lone in a room filled with groups and pairs of mom/friends that attended together. I don't have the answers!

I’m a soon to be 53 year old mom with a 4 year old. (adopted) I haven’t had trouble making friends with moms of the kids in my son’s preschool class. In fact, one of the unexpected joys of motherhood is finding many awesome women I now call friends because I have my son.

My first group was my PACE group. They are the best, non-judgemental supportive group of women. They have made this adventure so much more enjoyable. We still chat about everything under the sun and a few have even moved overseas for jobs or their husband’s jobs and they still participate in our group chats. I’ve also clicked with several of the women who are the moms of my son’s friends.

Every single one is at least 8 years younger than me. I joke to another that I had a driver’s license and my first sexual experience before she was born.

None of it makes a difference, OP. Just befriend whoever you get along with.

Anonymous wrote:If you are an older mom of a young toddler (I am talking mid--late-40s, not mid-30s), were you able to find your group of friendly moms? How do you go about looking? We don't spend a ton of time in the park and when we do, ppl in the local park seem to still be distancing. Plus I am not a great outgoing conversationalist. I'd love to connect with some peers though. So where/how to look?

"Finding your tribe'? What a disgusting description!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Befriend younger moms. You don't want to get into some social group of old moms complaining about being old and ignored by the young moms. Young moms are fun. I was sort of in the middle. The young moms always wanted to go to the pool and the super old moms always wanted to drink while their nannies cooked for the kids. It was nice to have a mix.

Respectfully, I didn't ask for guidance who to be friends with. You seem to lack basic reading comprehension. You also have offensive generalizations about older people being complainers or feeling ignored. I had fun coming out of my eyeballs when I was in my early 30s. I am in a different season of life. I'd like to connect with people who are on a similar path to mine.

To all whom I offended by using the word tribe - apologies.

I get it. I think it really does come from being at in person school functions as well as simply meeting peers in non parental settings. It’s not easy. But there are bunches of us older mums out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im into finding my own murder of old crows. We could get t-shirts and create a hand sign to let others know we’re in peri.

Your parents must be so proud.

They are. Truly. My father passed a few years ago, but minus referencing perimenopause (which would mortify him), he’d laugh. Beyond that they love me. Thank you for the reminder, Internet person.

I’ll show you the hand sign in case you change your mind later. There’s a little dance and thing you do with your eyes too, but you’ll pick it up in no time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im into finding my own murder of old crows. We could get t-shirts and create a hand sign to let others know we’re in peri.

Your parents must be so proud.

They are. Truly. My father passed a few years ago, but minus referencing perimenopause (which would mortify him), he’d laugh. Beyond that they love me. Thank you for the reminder, Internet person.

Anonymous wrote:Im into finding my own murder of old crows. We could get t-shirts and create a hand sign to let others know we’re in peri.

Your parents must be so proud.

Anonymous wrote:Befriend younger moms. You don't want to get into some social group of old moms complaining about being old and ignored by the young moms. Young moms are fun. I was sort of in the middle. The young moms always wanted to go to the pool and the super old moms always wanted to drink while their nannies cooked for the kids. It was nice to have a mix.

Respectfully, I didn't ask for guidance who to be friends with. You seem to lack basic reading comprehension. You also have offensive generalizations about older people being complainers or feeling ignored. I had fun coming out of my eyeballs when I was in my early 30s. I am in a different season of life. I'd like to connect with people who are on a similar path to mine.

To all whom I offended by using the word tribe - apologies.

Im into finding my own murder of old crows. We could get t-shirts and create a hand sign to let others know we’re in peri.