Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:58     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:Or you could have two middle names.


I have two middle names, with the second being a parent’s last name. (For me, I share my mother’s surname and have my father’s surname as the second middle name).

It never caused any issues. Plenty of people have 4 names. Just give your baby the four names you want. Then she can decide to professionally go by M. Summer S. Jones and have her name match her degree, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:28     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:Or you could have two middle names.


If you do 2 first names people will use the first first name and treat the second as a middle name. So if it works with the names would consider this and put grandma’s name as the second first name.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:21     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
You can call her whatever you want, the vast majority of people she encounters will never even know what is on her birth certificate. But it may make more sense to give her two middle names. My son goes by a nickname for his middle name. But every Dr. appt etc they call out his legal first name. If that will be hard on your DH, name her what you want to call her and use two middle names.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:19     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is really asking the wrong question. Sure having a nickname unrelated to the formal name is no big deal. The bigger issue is that the formal name and people using it will cause a huge issue for her husband. As has been pointed out you have limited control over how long she will be called by her nickname.


+1



The husband will be well past that part of grief long before the child can choose. He wants his daughter named for his mom - he just isn’t ready to hear it repeatedly yet.

Have you posters really never lost anyone close to you? You’re lucky.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:14     Subject: Re:Only called by unrelated nickname
Not a problem at all and actually a good idea.

My dad died six weeks before my son was born and I had the same feeling as your DH - I just didn’t want to feel sad hearing my baby’s name. So I didn’t give my son my dad’s name. 3.5 years later, I wish I had named him for my father.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:09     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is really asking the wrong question. Sure having a nickname unrelated to the formal name is no big deal. The bigger issue is that the formal name and people using it will cause a huge issue for her husband. As has been pointed out you have limited control over how long she will be called by her nickname.


+1

By the time the kid is old enough for this to come up, the DH’s grief won’t be so fresh and raw and it will likely be fine.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:08     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP is really asking the wrong question. Sure having a nickname unrelated to the formal name is no big deal. The bigger issue is that the formal name and people using it will cause a huge issue for her husband. As has been pointed out you have limited control over how long she will be called by her nickname.


+1



Naw, he’ll get over it. Loss is most acute in the first two years. He wants to honor his mother but he’s not going to tear up at them mention of her name in a year or two.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:07     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
This is me and all of my siblings. Completely unrelated nicknames. It has never been a big deal. Switched to my “real” name in college but family and old friends still call me by my nickname and it’s fine.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2021 00:06     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make her middle name grandma's name. Simple.



OP said no to that in her post.



Well someone, either OP or her DH needs to be the adult and realize life is no longer all about them and their preferences.



Ha ha! So it’s not the parents preference to name their child?! Whose is it, dear - yours?

The child can go by her nickname or formal name when she wants to. The family will probably always call her by her nickname.


Are you always an idiot or do you just play one on the internet? Where did I say they need to do what I say?

They have to consider the child and the child of the future as others have pointed out if the child wants to go by her full name they have to deal. If DH can't cope with this he either needs to pick a different name or go to therapy so he can deal. alternatively, OP can concede and have it be a middle name instead of using her surname. However, it seems they both rather inflict dram and stress on their daughter.



Yeah, idiot, a name and a nickname are so much dram and stress on the child. “My name is Margaret Smith Jones but my family calls me Summer”. What a tragedy for that poor, poor child! That was five extra words!!!

You’re a fool, PP. The husband’s mother just died. I don’t think therapy is called for.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 23:51     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:OP is really asking the wrong question. Sure having a nickname unrelated to the formal name is no big deal. The bigger issue is that the formal name and people using it will cause a huge issue for her husband. As has been pointed out you have limited control over how long she will be called by her nickname.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 23:26     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
OP is really asking the wrong question. Sure having a nickname unrelated to the formal name is no big deal. The bigger issue is that the formal name and people using it will cause a huge issue for her husband. As has been pointed out you have limited control over how long she will be called by her nickname.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 23:24     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make her middle name grandma's name. Simple.



OP said no to that in her post.



Well someone, either OP or her DH needs to be the adult and realize life is no longer all about them and their preferences.



Ha ha! So it’s not the parents preference to name their child?! Whose is it, dear - yours?

The child can go by her nickname or formal name when she wants to. The family will probably always call her by her nickname.


Not always my sister and BIL had picked out a nickname for my niece that she would go by niece was ging by her formal name since she was about 9 and no one calls her by her nickname anymore.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 23:21     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make her middle name grandma's name. Simple.



OP said no to that in her post.



Well someone, either OP or her DH needs to be the adult and realize life is no longer all about them and their preferences.



Ha ha! So it’s not the parents preference to name their child?! Whose is it, dear - yours?

The child can go by her nickname or formal name when she wants to. The family will probably always call her by her nickname.


Are you always an idiot or do you just play one on the internet? Where did I say they need to do what I say?

They have to consider the child and the child of the future as others have pointed out if the child wants to go by her full name they have to deal. If DH can't cope with this he either needs to pick a different name or go to therapy so he can deal. alternatively, OP can concede and have it be a middle name instead of using her surname. However, it seems they both rather inflict dram and stress on their daughter.
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 21:33     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Anonymous wrote:Is it a problem for a child later?

We want to name our baby for my recently deceased MIL but call her an unrelated nickname. My DH wants to honor his mother but thinks hearing her name will make him sad. Calling her by her middle name isn’t an option since it will be my last name.

Like (but not this) calling her Summer when her real name is Margaret.


It’s perfectly fine, OP. Your DD can chose either her real name or formal name when she’s older and your DH won’t be as raw. It is hardest in the first two years and I can understand how your DH feels about hearing his mom’s full name so often in the beginning. But he’ll get past it. My sister died when I was 24 and it was agony. By the time I got pregnant at 29 I was ready to name my baby girl my sister’s name. I’m so glad I did.

Anonymous
Post 05/08/2021 21:29     Subject: Only called by unrelated nickname
Or you could have two middle names.