Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives a car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Yes, we are. First generation of immigrant.

That tracks.

We are not in a profession where we have to have to entertain wealthy clients lavish or have a flashy lifestyle. We are IT folks who are somewhat nerdy. When our HHI increased, out SOL did not change drastically. What money gave to us was flexibility of options, convenience, financial security and ability to help family and charities. Being aware how worthier people than us are making far less money makes us also save for the future and control mindless spending.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should spend your hard earned money to make yourself happy. It’s really more about how you talk about or not. I have a friend who did a major reno to their house and talked about it all day every day. Anything she picked out as appliances or fixtures, she would tell us about including price. She bought a fancy car and she gave it a name(!). She wants to buy a vacation home and talks about her price range.

All of the things she does are totally normal for her income bracket but bragging and talking about prices and money - our whole group is over it!

Your whole group sound jealous. If a friend of mine did that I would just think "good for her". The only time I would be over it was if the topic was incredibly boring. Usually, I am interested in most everything my friends share with me, even if it has nothing to do with me - their hobbies, their spending, their pets, their grandkids, their children's marriage, their dating lives, their divorces, their work drama, their weight struggles. I listen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's reasonable to not spend extra money on things that are status symbols or recognizable luxury brands, but it seems silly to avoid spending money on quality or experiences where you can afford it just to avoid looking rich.

e.g. don't buy a LV Neverfull, but go on the nice trip, buy the good sheets, order the nice meal, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You don't have to post it or talk about it to everyone you know.

THIS. But, for those who understand, no explanation is required. For those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives a car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Yes, we are. First generation of immigrant.

Anonymous wrote:I think you should spend your hard earned money to make yourself happy. It’s really more about how you talk about or not. I have a friend who did a major reno to their house and talked about it all day every day. Anything she picked out as appliances or fixtures, she would tell us about including price. She bought a fancy car and she gave it a name(!). She wants to buy a vacation home and talks about her price range.

All of the things she does are totally normal for her income bracket but bragging and talking about prices and money - our whole group is over it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

This is us. Are you by any chance an immigrant? We are Indian-Americans and live in a neighborhood with several Indian-American families that are certainly wealthy enough to live in a more expensive zipcode now. But we are happy where we are. We have our hobbies, charities and for our own self we spend on education, health, safety, good food and travel. Mainly we are helping family members with education so that they can become successful. And we also help siblings, extended family so that they can become surefooted in the future. We are actually not materialistic and got used to living on less because of our early years of financial struggle so now the extra money does not go in expensive anything. DH drives an car that he likes, we eat out, go on vacations and spend on hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised middle/lower class and am very uncomfortable with displays of wealth. We do very well now, in a way that is so different than how I grew up. However, our friends are mostly middle class (for DCUM, but still) and I feel very uncomfortable spending money in visible ways, even though I could and sometimes want to.

For example, we bought our house years ago and love our neighborhood. House is very in line with friends’ houses or maybe not even as nice. We have done some renovations but it would be amazing to build a custom home. I just feel so uncomfortable thinking about telling anyone that we are doing that or building a large home, even though I would love to live in something like that. It just feels out of sync with our social circle. And I don’t see myself making new friends or fitting in in a luxury home neighborhood or wealthy school district.

I similarly don’t feel comfortable buying luxury cars, because it looks flashy. I don’t care about that at all and run cars to the ground, but I know DH wants a certain car.

I’m ok with spending money on vacations (don’t brag on social media but talk about with friends) and on home furnishings. We save plenty, since our expenses are so far below what we earn. It’s important to me that our kids are not spoiled.

I know this sounds like the silliest problem to have. But anyone else in this boat?

We are the same. We spent our money helping nieces and nephews for their education, brother and sister in need of help, son and daughter need house purchase down payment, and charities.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but for different reasons: we were LMC but my parents saved to buy a house in a middle class area. They were the only ones who were never robbed, because we never looked like we "had anything."

It's not the lesson they were trying to teach me, but if you don't look flashy, you are less likely to be robbed. Our neighbors new cars have been sacked a couple of times, our 15 year old Toyota Camrys haven't.

Anonymous wrote:Our volvo cost 80k

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I despise ostentation because I think it’s a poor allocation of resources. For me I spend less out of principle and less so due to anticipated social repercussions.

Wow, you better hope the Democrats don't institute an insufferability tax. Whew.