Hard no on this to your mom. If she wants to stop taking the kids on some weekends, then whatever. I suspect she’s only pushing because she thinks it will work. If that’s when she spends time with the kids, then she will get over it quickly enough.

If you bend on this issue, it will just continue to escalate.

So you don’t use her for “real” childcare - only on weekends to get some downtime? Since you don’t actually NEED her to watch the kids, I would put my foot down and decline her request. She’s way out of bounds.

Envision what she might say at the doctors with your child present in the room to overhear.

Your DH is at home without a job. You don’t need childcare right now. Your in-laws are obviously mentally ill. Why would you even trust them to watch your kids in the first place?

Anonymous wrote:Help always comes with a cost. I doubt the doctor will talk to her because she is not the parent and confidently laws will prevent this visit from getting off the ground. You all need boundaries with your parents and some maturity/ self reliance as parents.

No, help doesn't "always come with a cost". My mother gladly babysat our kids when she could. I have friends who helped out when necessary and I do the same for them. If you don't have anyone in your life willing to help you just because, it might be time to reevaluate your life.

Most likely they are allergy shiners.

She wants custody of your kids and is looking to throw you under the bus at the appointment.

Never leave them alone with your kids again. This will escalate.

It really sounds like she’s planning to say something to the pediatrician about your parenting. I would NOT be ok with that.

Anonymous wrote:
Your mom is insane. You and your husband need to figure out an alternative. If your husband is unemployed, why can’t he take care of the kids?

+1. Why TF isn't your DH taking care of the kids?

I’d give up the free childcare before I’d allow anyone else to take my kid to the doctor. I wouldn’t even allow them to go along. I suspect that this will be a relationship changer if you don’t agree with your mom. But it will also be a game changer if you allow it because there will be no limits to where this sort of overstepping will go.

Eff no! I would not play this manipulation game your mother is trying to play with you. Stop using her as childcare and suck it up and just be tired weekend parents like the rest of us. I can’t even believe you have one full time parent at home and feel the need for them to babysit on weekends. I could see if you were actually going somewhere or doing something , but it sounds like it’s just that you guys are tired. Sorry, that’s pretty ridiculous and not worth your mother’s manipulation.

How do you see this going badly? “I’m worried about those dark circles.” Doctor: here is what I think ______.

Free help is not free, and this is not a big deal.

She thinks you neglect the kids and wants to fill in. That’s sort of true so just let her come.

Either pay for childcare or deal with this overstepping. They don’t sound great for boundaries.

So your parents are watching them, what, 2-3 days a month?

Forget the childcare from them. A couple days isn’t worth what they’re putting you through. Swap with you DH on weekends - he watches the kids for a day so you get a break, then you watch the kids for a day.

If you really want that week off, play along and keep giving excuses for why you can’t get into the dr. Then cut them off.

Seriously, what TF is wrong with some people. I would never in a million years overstep like this with my grown children. Your lucky it’s not your MIL - my MIL would pull stuff like this and my (now ex) H would always side with her. Created a ton of problems in our marriage.

Eff your start up. Get a paying job, pay for childcare and tell your mom to back all the way up.

My in-laws are master oversteppers. I’ll tell you what I did in a similar situation.

I let MIL come to pediatrician and I brought up every stupid and outdated parenting thing she ever shoved down my throat. My brilliant, talented, high-EQ pediatrician (who I explained the situation to in advance) shut down MIL’s “advice” and she never asked to come to the pediatrician again.