Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your youngest?

My youngest is 4. I want to give the youngest a baby sibling.

I have 3, my youngest is 2 and I am 36 (DH 45) and I would not. I work FT and we need my income for private schools. If DH made enough and I could stay at home, maybe we would have one more... though 3 is already a lot of work and trying to keep all of them happy and thriving is a FT job already.

It’s also risky... you have 3 beautiful and healthy kids... I would not push my luck honestly.

I would get your youngest a puppy. It will be a lot less work and think of the savings. He already has plenty of siblings

In my mid-50s here and honestly, at 45 perimenopause hit me HARD and I no longer sleep 8 hours through the night. First, in my mid 40s, it was a hot flash waking me up at 4:30/5am - soaking wet - and I couldn't go back to sleep.

by my late 40s and continuing now, I'm up multiple times a night - hot flashes multiple times a night - they are no joke! You get SOAKING WET which means you toss off the covers - then are nearly immediately cold so you need the covers again - and it's nearly impossible to go back to bed. If I knew I also had to deal with some wakeups because a young child needed comfort, etc it would kill me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your youngest?

My youngest is 4. I want to give the youngest a baby sibling.

But that's a slippery slope - someone has to be the youngest - so the 4th child would need a 5th child for a 'baby sibling' and so forth... 19 kids later.....

Anonymous wrote:I’m older than that and expecting my first. So definitely not too old. In my opinion the question of whether you want a fourth kid is the salient one. I can’t imagine having 4 (but would definitely go for a second if circumstances/finances were more favorable.)

My grandmother had her 3rd at 47 but that was unplanned. And my aunts adopted a 2 yo in their early fifties and were thrilled to be parents.

Also should have a plan if you have trouble getting pregnant. That can be very emotionally taxing and hard.

There's a big difference between being 43 and having your first one and being that age and having a 4th one. Parenting is pretty tiring. You aren't tired yet.

Anonymous wrote:1) Don’t assume you’re still very fertile and that conceiving will be quick. 40 is a game changer for fertility.

2) I’d worry less about your age and more about the age of your other kids / family dynamic. There’s a blissful sweet spot when your kids are all able to travel or enjoy activities together without diapers and tantrums. It’s so nice.

This. And why do you feel the need to give your third a sibling (more than he/she already has)? No idea of age gaps of your kids, but you said your third kid is 4, so kid will be 5 by the time the baby is born. That's a pretty big age gap. It wil be years before they can play together and even then odds of them playing together a lot are pretty low due to age gap. Your 4th will a caboose child with no siblings close in age and sort of holding the family back (diapers, naps) when everyone else is wanting to out doing stuff.

Absolutely, for me. For you...only you know that.

Anonymous wrote:1) Don’t assume you’re still very fertile and that conceiving will be quick. 40 is a game changer for fertility.

2) I’d worry less about your age and more about the age of your other kids / family dynamic. There’s a blissful sweet spot when your kids are all able to travel or enjoy activities together without diapers and tantrums. It’s so nice.

This. I had 5 kids easily, got pregnant unexpectedly a couple of months ago, at 43, and just had a miscarriage earlier this week. I was sad but not surprised--the rates for women after 40 soar upward.

No. 42 yo here. I was seriously considering a third at 40ish, but the moment passed. My kids are 5 and 7 and I’m finally starting to think about all the things that I can do on my own once we are comfortable with aftercare and babysitters again (thanks covid!). I have some bike trips planned for me and DH. I know it can be easy to tote around an infant/baby wherever you go, but just thinking about how limiting a toddler is ugh! Also if I’m completely honest with myself, something has been “off” with my health for the past 20 years. I’m going to work on figuring it out after this pandemic but it’s not really fair to have another baby (for me personllly) when I’m healthy, eat healthy, good weight, but get winded on a flight of stairs.

I’m older than that and expecting my first. So definitely not too old. In my opinion the question of whether you want a fourth kid is the salient one. I can’t imagine having 4 (but would definitely go for a second if circumstances/finances were more favorable.)

My grandmother had her 3rd at 47 but that was unplanned. And my aunts adopted a 2 yo in their early fifties and were thrilled to be parents.

Also should have a plan if you have trouble getting pregnant. That can be very emotionally taxing and hard.

I just turned 45 and at 44, my body started going downhill with perimenopause, random back injuries and aches and pains. I could not parent a toddler/preschooler well anymore.

I’m just barely 44, have been fit and healthy up til now, and peri menopause is wreaking havoc on my body. Like a fairly rapid decline out of nowhere. If I had to deal with an infant/toddler on top of this, lord help me.

You have 3 heathy perfect children. At 43, I would not tempt fate.

I know several women who had children at this age, but all did with assistance. However, if you have had several kids already, this may not be a problem. Go for it if you want one more and your husband is on board. I would not, personally, as I am too tired to keep up with a newborn in my forties. But to each their own!

1) Don’t assume you’re still very fertile and that conceiving will be quick. 40 is a game changer for fertility.

2) I’d worry less about your age and more about the age of your other kids / family dynamic. There’s a blissful sweet spot when your kids are all able to travel or enjoy activities together without diapers and tantrums. It’s so nice.