Anonymous wrote:He does not see. He does pay child support. It was an ONS if that makes a difference, and the mom doesn't want him involved.

Dating a man with kids is a lose-lose situation for an unattached woman. If he's an involved father, you don't want this because you will always come #2, and your relationship will have to contort itself into the contours of their father-child life. If he's an uninvolved father, you don't want this because it doesn't say very nice things about him.

The best-case scenario of a man with child is someone whose child is grown and has launched.

Anonymous wrote:He does not see. He does pay child support. It was an ONS if that makes a difference, and the mom doesn't want him involved.

I would date a man with a child if he’s involved in the child’s life.

I started dating my DH in 1987 when he had a 1-year-old child out of wedlock. He fought hard to be in her life & won custody (rare for the late eighties). My estimation of him was wrapped up with his care and love for his daughter.

It was a tough, tough road, but worth it.

I was raised by a single dad (widowed), so dating a man with kids is not an issue at all.

But "mom doesn't want him involved" is a big, big red flag.

Absolutely not.

Call me judgmental, but I absolutely judge people (let's be honest, usually men) who split up from the other parent and then disappear from their child's life. I don't give a damn if you pay support - be a parent. I have no interest in being with a person like that. Major character issue.

Unless he gave at the sperm bank I see reg flags everywhere! Yuck . A man who wants nothing to do with his child and I’m sure because he doesn’t want to pay child support. Btw guarantee he’s telling you a fib about the baby’s mom not wanting him involved. Nearly every mom wants the baby’s daddy involved unless they are deadbeats or have issues. . Run!

Anonymous wrote:If the woman doesn't want him involved then why don't they go to court to give up his parenting rights?

Obviously because the woman wants to get CS and if his right are terminated she wouldn't get it? It's also nearly impossible to terminate the rights of one parent unless another person is willing to step in and adopt because the state doesn't want to be on the hook for supporting the child if there is an issue. Think about how many people would just exercise that option and stick the state with the bill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

Where did OP say he didn't want to be a parent?

I mean let's be real, how many guys that have a ONS want to parent with that woman? Isn't that kinda implied?

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Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort

can /= does

But she has the choice. A man doesn’t have that choice

Yes he has the choice to not have sex, use birth control or get a vasectomy. Everyone is responsible for their own birth control.

Women have those choices too and still end up with unexpected pregnancies. The difference is women have the final say in if an unexpected pregnancy results in a baby. Men have no say in the pregnancy outcome. I’m not saying they should, just that it should be equally acceptable for men or women to not want to be parents. This guy is doing the legally required minimum. Not knowing any details, I wouldn’t judge him for not parenting just as I wouldn’t judge a woman that had an abortion or have her child up for adoption

If the woman doesn't want him involved then why don't they go to court to give up his parenting rights?

Anonymous wrote:I dated and married a man with two kids. I would not date a man who was not involved with his child(ren).

+1 this says nothing good about him.

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Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort

can /= does

But she has the choice. A man doesn’t have that choice

Yes he has the choice to not have sex, use birth control or get a vasectomy. Everyone is responsible for their own birth control.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort

can /= does

But she has the choice. A man doesn’t have that choice

If a man doesn't want to be a parent he can avoid having sex with women who want to be parents. Having children due to a ONS is very outside the norm. Whenever you do something bizarre it's going to impact your options.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort

can /= does

But she has the choice. A man doesn’t have that choice

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Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort

can /= does

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So women that get pregnant but don’t want to be a parent can have an abortion, and their body, their choice. No judgement.

But if a man doesn’t want to be a parent but woman does and he financially supports, he is a total a-hole? Wow double standard

In what universe? There's a large segment of the population that would indeed judge a woman for having an abortion. And they wouldn't just call her an "a-hole" they'd call her a murderer.

If someone started a post saying would you date a woman that had an abortion from a ONS a decade ago? I doubt the overwhelming answers would be what a horrible person she must be, and no of course not

The more apt comparison would be "would you date a woman who had a child after a ONS, left it with the father, and never sees it but pays for it", and I think most men would rightfully respond with "that's a lot of drama/that's freaking weird".

Right. But that wouldn’t happen bc a woman that doesn’t want to be a parent can abort