I would simplify and just have a Maid of Honor & Best Man. Maybe have the twins be ushers.

It’s disingenuous to invite someone to be in your bridal party when you don’t care for them and yet say you want them by your side. It’s not Called a command performance for nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

Oh my goodness, I’m not included in the family photo card or newsletter by a certain family member but I don’t care. Why? Because that frees me from future obligations to this family member. No one owes anyone anything. Live your life OP.

As long as OP is cool with SIL and her brother cooling ties as a result

Do you think a man would care about being excluded? It's immature to harbor grudges over being not included when it's the person's own event. The concerns about SIL and her brother breaking away from the family are just overblown.

It’s not so much about holding grudges, but if I were the only family member excluded from a wedding party where all the other siblings/in-laws were included it would definitely make me feel like somewhat of an outcast and probably less inclined to prioritize spending future vacation time with them compared with people with whom I feel more welcomed and included. Since women tend to drive the social calendar for families it realistically is likely to result in brother also spending less time with the family.

And it's a very public thing. It's humiliating to be excluded like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

Oh my goodness, I’m not included in the family photo card or newsletter by a certain family member but I don’t care. Why? Because that frees me from future obligations to this family member. No one owes anyone anything. Live your life OP.

As long as OP is cool with SIL and her brother cooling ties as a result

Do you think a man would care about being excluded? It's immature to harbor grudges over being not included when it's the person's own event. The concerns about SIL and her brother breaking away from the family are just overblown.

It’s not so much about holding grudges, but if I were the only family member excluded from a wedding party where all the other siblings/in-laws were included it would definitely make me feel like somewhat of an outcast and probably less inclined to prioritize spending future vacation time with them compared with people with whom I feel more welcomed and included. Since women tend to drive the social calendar for families it realistically is likely to result in brother also spending less time with the family.

What about making the twins, groomsmen, so you'll have Best Man-2 Groomsmen, then MOH-2 bridesmaids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

Oh my goodness, I’m not included in the family photo card or newsletter by a certain family member but I don’t care. Why? Because that frees me from future obligations to this family member. No one owes anyone anything. Live your life OP.

As long as OP is cool with SIL and her brother cooling ties as a result

Do you think a man would care about being excluded? It's immature to harbor grudges over being not included when it's the person's own event. The concerns about SIL and her brother breaking away from the family are just overblown.

I don't even know how this is a question.

OP, I actually lived this. I included both )p(I half expected the one SIL would decline, but she accepted because that way she was with my brother the whole day doing bridal party stuff.). In hindsight, I wish I’d opted to leave them both out to keep the overall party size smaller, but it would have been bad to take one and leave out one. I’d suggest just doing your brothers, and barring that, including both. Do it for your relationship with your brother, not her.

Don't bother getting married at all. With your selfish attitude you'll be divorced soon enough anyway.

You need to include both SIL. I had two bridesmaids DH had 6. Doesn’t have it be even.

It is really not worth the drama to exclude one SIL. That is a terrible idea.

Include both. Or ask SIL to do a reading. What does your brother (SIL's husband) think? He might tell you don't ask her, she doesn't want to do it, or tell you that she would like to be included.

You will never regret being inclusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how old are you?

30

Skip the bridesmaids.

+1 you’re too old for the twenty something “look at all my friends!!” parade. Your brothers and bff are enough.

Just curious what it would cost you to include the SIL you don’t like? She’s your brother’s wife - the brother you are including and are close to. You don’t have to love her but he does. She’s in your family, for better or for worse.

I’m not saying this isn’t your “big day” and that it shouldn’t reflect what’s special to you and your fiancé; I understand that you don’t want stress or negativity up there with you. That being said, people want to curate perfection on their wedding day but this is really just such a small part of your life together. Think of it as a kindness to your brother (did you really not think he’s be impacted?).

I agree with PPs - both or neither. It really shouldn’t even be a question.

Anonymous wrote:Neither of them should be a bridesmaid - keep your bridal party small.

Yup!