You asked if anyone can explain where the second wife’s rage comes from.

I believe that it stems from the very basic instinct if territoriality. Your wife entered her marriage to you believing that she owned her space with you and did not have to share your attention with anyone else. Unfortunately, for her, she ignored the fact that you are a father with important obligations to your daughter who needs you very desperately right now. This territoriality is unlikely to dissipate in time. Your daughter may leave for college in a year or so, but your wife will always feel threatened by your daughter’s hold on you.

Divorce her and concentrate on your child

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce her

+1

This is the most clearcut, easy, obvious answer to a marriage question I’ve ever seen.

Yup. This is a no-brainer. The kind of cruelty you describe is not compatible with a healthy relationship and your child comes first.

Your daughter needs to know that the adults in her life will protect her. Divorce now.

And I agree it would benefit you to explore in therapy why you’re attracted to personality-disordered types. Take a breather from dating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce her

+1

This is the most clearcut, easy, obvious answer to a marriage question I’ve ever seen.

Yup. This is a no-brainer. The kind of cruelty you describe is not compatible with a healthy relationship and your child comes first.

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Yeah, it sucks for current wife that she became insta-mom. And I can understand being angry that life isn’t what she expected. But holy-Moley, she’s the adult. And it’s her responsibility to figure out a way to move through the emotions and be a loving figure in your child’s life.

How can you still love your wife? I broke up with guys who were indifferent to my cats. How can you still respect a grown woman having a temper tantrum and hurting your child?!?! If anyone hurt my child, I would be so out of there.

Divorce her. Get your daughter into therapy. You get into therapy and figure out why you put up with a woman hurting your child. And apologize to your daughter. You F’d up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

And that causes the 2nd wife to forget she’s an adult? Aside from the immediate issue...look at the way your wife handles disappointment and problems. Rather than seeking resources or support her focus is self-obsessed and irrational. There will always be disappointments in life so this is actually a huge issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

I work at home so I'm always around. Daughter doesn't complain about 2nd wife at all. Daughter mostly avoids here and stays in her room when wife is home. Wife is the one that complains to me. Its not what you are suggesting.

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

or, separate from wife. Kid is 17. Assuming she's going to college next fall or fall of 2022, just give her the support she needs. Then you can figure out the wife situation after kid is gone.

Personally I agree with divorce, but maybe this is a stepping stone to alleviate the stress on your DD and get some peace until your DD leaves.

Also, while I understand that DW2 thought she was getting a childless marriage and she was surprised by DD's re-entry into your life, that is no excuse. Who here has gotten their fairy tale life? I have a teen with mental illness...wow that was not in the vision of my future life. DH is an East-coast guy and we are in California, it grates on him but this is his life right now.

And honestly, it's not like this DD was a surprise from a DNA test. She married you knowing you had a DD.

It's so important to show your DD that she comes first. Especially after the divorce from her mom.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce her

+1

This is the most clearcut, easy, obvious answer to a marriage question I’ve ever seen.

Anonymous wrote:Kid first. Divorce her.

Agree. Divorce. She’s acting like a spoiled child

Kid first. Divorce her.