Anonymous wrote:The DCUM bullies are all here!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your husband has gotten to go there and take his family there each year for 20 years doesn't make the house his. Whose name is on the deed? That is who owns it, regardless of whether your husband bought a new door one year, or contributed with six other families to fixing the roof or whatever.

Right now, I do not talk at all to my friends who are CPAs - it's their busy season. Maybe the nephew is in some sort of similar busy season - maybe he's directing a play or something. Who knows? But you want to do this politely, so the polite thing to do is to say "Don't worry about it - we'll rent a different house."

It sounds like you want to know how to actually be pushy though, while APPEARING polite, and you can't.

This is exactly what she wants. How do I get what I want when the other people who actually own the house OP wants for free during prime season have told me exactly how they want to deal with it.

Anonymous wrote:Just because your husband has gotten to go there and take his family there each year for 20 years doesn't make the house his. Whose name is on the deed? That is who owns it, regardless of whether your husband bought a new door one year, or contributed with six other families to fixing the roof or whatever.

Right now, I do not talk at all to my friends who are CPAs - it's their busy season. Maybe the nephew is in some sort of similar busy season - maybe he's directing a play or something. Who knows? But you want to do this politely, so the polite thing to do is to say "Don't worry about it - we'll rent a different house."

It sounds like you want to know how to actually be pushy though, while APPEARING polite, and you can't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you need to nail down the plan, then you need to rent a place on your own. This is not your house. It is mother in laws. She doesn’t want to create tension with the new phew by demanding a certain weekend.

Really the two families should divide the weeks early in the year and stick to that plan. But it doesn’t seem the mother in law wants to do that so there’s nothing you can do. Come up with a different plan for your kids birthday that doesn’t involve using a house for free that someone else owns and you don’t have control of.

Well, to be fair, we're not "using a house for free." We're going to the house DH has gone to every summer of his life for 50 years and helps to maintain. We're not mooching

While it's great your husband helps out, it's still not his house. It's his Mom's house and she doesn't feel like making this birthday thing happen for your daughter. It's not cool, but that's where she's at with it. If you want to do anything about it, ask you're DH to ask his cousin or bring up the importance of needing to nail down a date with your MIL.

This really isn't your place "to handle". If the IL's aren't cooperating and you really want to do a beach thing, then rent a house. You can't forcibly 'handle' the use of another person's property.

I know. It's not so much the beach location; it's the sentimental value for DD. We wouldn't just rent any house. This one is special for her. We just need to know his dates

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.

Wow. Struck a nerve?

Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.

Would you ask a grown child to pay rent on his childhood bedroom if he visited from college for a week off? Or would you tell him
to whip out his credit card? Good grief

If he was hounding me to set dates and make plans to use my property, when I already told him I wasn't ready to confirm? I'd certainly tell him to buzz off. If you "need to know now," get out your credit card and go book with a beach rental agent. You'll be confirmed and all set. Girl, bye.

Anonymous wrote:MIL co-owns a beach-house w/ her nephew (her brother died, and he was original owner with MIL, and it went to nephew/DH's cousin).

For about 20 years we have split up weeks during the summer between DH, DH's twin brother, nephew and nephew's family. MIL is typically the liaison coordinating the summer schedule. We've split up weekends all summer for years. As more people have gotten involved and kids have gotten older, it's become tougher. We rarely go and didn't at all last summer during the pandemic. Others go a lot more.

MY DD's 16th birthday is in July. Two of her camp friends are considering traveling a distance to surprise her at the beach house, which requires some coordination. We're trying to nail down summer dates and offered two possible weekends before/after her birthday. I'm trying to coordinate it with the camp friends' parents and keeping it a secret from DD.

MIL says she'd coordinate timing with nephew but we did not hear back. This was maybe three weeks ago. Yesterday we gently brought it up again and she said she doesn't want to press her nephew because he's really busy and doesn't want to make him feel like he has to arrange his vacation or change it based on anyone else. He lives 20 minutes away from the house and goes a lot, so it doesn't require as much coordination for him to plan. Meanwhile, our kids have camp, summer job, etc., and we do need to plan our travel soon, to say nothing of trying to coordinate with these other friends of DD and their families. And it means a lot to us to give my DD a nice birthday of course.

DH and I don't want to rock the boat at all, but we also just need to nail down our plans. I don't think nephew, who is 74 (he's MIL's age but is her nephew due to huge sibling age gap), remembers what it's like trying to organize kid schedules and stuff. And I get that he needs a vacation and is the rightful co-owner...we just need to plan around it accordingly. Everyone else is on board with our proposed dates. WWYD? MIL has asked us not to ask nephew directly, so we won't. Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.

Wow. Struck a nerve?

Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.

Would you ask a grown child to pay rent on his childhood bedroom if he visited from college for a week off? Or would you tell him
to whip out his credit card? Good grief

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your mil that you understand and that you will have your DH call his uncle/ nephew so she is not uncomfortable.

Your dh calls and says “ hi bill, can’t believe summer is almost here so thinking of our plans. We’d love to surprise Layla for her 16 th on July 10th. Does that work for you if we have that weekend? If not, no worries. We just need to lock in that date with you or rent something in Maine/wherever as everything is getting booked. ....How are you! A normal conversation.

But MIL, co-owner of the house, asked that they not do that.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell your mil that you understand and that you will have your DH call his uncle/ nephew so she is not uncomfortable.

Your dh calls and says “ hi bill, can’t believe summer is almost here so thinking of our plans. We’d love to surprise Layla for her 16 th on July 10th. Does that work for you if we have that weekend? If not, no worries. We just need to lock in that date with you or rent something in Maine/wherever as everything is getting booked. ....How are you! A normal conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.

With respect, you sound pointlessly aggressive and like someone who just doesn’t get the common dynamic of a large family sharing a summer house. Usually two elders or whatever “own” it, but everyone splits dates. This sounds typical to me, not like mooching. This board loves to hunt for ulterior motives. You need to take a step back.