Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:59     Subject: Wife Spending Money
This is the second time in as many days that I think I have been on DCUM way too long. Are you guys the same couple that was moving to Chicago or somewhere in the midwest? I remember that thread where there were two condos under consideration and I think the DW wanted the elevator and the DH wanted the unit with the patio.

I need to disconnect from this site!
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:54     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I was married to someone like you, OP - we *could* afford the things that were important to me, but he didn’t see the value in them and either said no or argued with me every step of the way. It ended in divorce.

Her values and wants are just as important as yours. If you can afford it and it makes her happy, let it go. Work with her to help her vision come true. If you always place your priorities above hers, it’s not going to end well for you.


OP here. She gets everything she wants. I never tell her she can’t get anything she wants. This is really the only time. We found two condos we liked and we went with her choice. I was happy with both but she wanted this one because it had an elevator. I didn’t care about the carpet she did. I didn’t mind the gray paint but she wanted a lighter gray so we painted. She is changing this condo to the other one. Same hardware, same light fixtures, and same backsplash. We could have gone with the other one instead of doing all of this.


So did the other condo have stairs? And you guys have a baby on the way? Are you nuts? Stairs and baby crap are not compatible. She “chose” the only realistic option, and is now furnishing it to her taste. She sounds very reasonable. You . . . do not.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:53     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why are you spending 5k on a baby? What the hell does a baby needs that’s 5k?


OP here. We will not be asking family/friends for anything on a baby registry because we are not having a baby shower. We will be buying everything.


I also didn’t want a baby registry/shower but people will still want to get you gifts so I suggest making a list of books on Amazon. It’s polite (because it makes it easy), books aren’t expensive and they’re great to have.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:49     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:OP, any chance you are female?


OP here. No.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:48     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I was married to someone like you, OP - we *could* afford the things that were important to me, but he didn’t see the value in them and either said no or argued with me every step of the way. It ended in divorce.

Her values and wants are just as important as yours. If you can afford it and it makes her happy, let it go. Work with her to help her vision come true. If you always place your priorities above hers, it’s not going to end well for you.


OP here. She gets everything she wants. I never tell her she can’t get anything she wants. This is really the only time. We found two condos we liked and we went with her choice. I was happy with both but she wanted this one because it had an elevator. I didn’t care about the carpet she did. I didn’t mind the gray paint but she wanted a lighter gray so we painted. She is changing this condo to the other one. Same hardware, same light fixtures, and same backsplash. We could have gone with the other one instead of doing all of this.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:43     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH above. What are your two incomes, how much did you put down, how much are you saving for retirement each month, what’s the balance in there now? And what’s the childcare plan?


OP here. We are finically stable and have the money to spend. I just don’t think it’s necessary to spend that money on something that won’t add any value to the condo.


Who are you to say whether it will add value? Are you some expert interior designer and Condo salesman? Maybe your wife has better taste than you do. It sounds like you can afford it. This is not a hill to die on.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:42     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:You’re having a baby... you need to get used to a LOT of unnecessary expenses for the next, like, 22 years.


+1 Best statement
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:39     Subject: Wife Spending Money
OP, any chance you are female?
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:38     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why are you spending 5k on a baby? What the hell does a baby needs that’s 5k?


OP here. We will not be asking family/friends for anything on a baby registry because we are not having a baby shower. We will be buying everything.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:36     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Yikes. I was married to someone like you, OP - we *could* afford the things that were important to me, but he didn’t see the value in them and either said no or argued with me every step of the way. It ended in divorce.

Her values and wants are just as important as yours. If you can afford it and it makes her happy, let it go. Work with her to help her vision come true. If you always place your priorities above hers, it’s not going to end well for you.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:34     Subject: Re:Wife Spending Money
While you are having the broader financial discussion you may also want to talk about life insurance and putting together a basic will, guardianship for your child, etc. A baby brings about a lot of changes and now is a good time to have the broader financial conversation and get a plan together that you are both comfortable with. Congratulations and best of luck to you.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:09     Subject: Wife Spending Money
This doesn’t seem like a big deal to me at all. She isn’t wanting to gut the kitchen. Well..she probably does, but knows not to push for that.

Set a budget on what you both think is reasonable for a kitchen update and work within that. Tile backsplash, light fixtures, hardware can come in a different price points. If you don’t want to spend 2k, tell her to keep it under 1000 and see if she is agreeable to that. Work it out. These are small updates and can be done within a modest budget.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 08:06     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH above. What are your two incomes, how much did you put down, how much are you saving for retirement each month, what’s the balance in there now? And what’s the childcare plan?


OP here. We are finically stable and have the money to spend. I just don’t think it’s necessary to spend that money on something that won’t add any value to the condo.


That's a tough position to take, OP.

My husband has said something similar about taking a trip to Paris. I want to go. He doesn't think it's worth the money. It's not that he wants to spend the money on other things, or that it isn't in the budget. If it were that, then I could pick up additional shifts at work, ask for a raise, cut expenses other places, etc., and put together the money for the trip. He has the same issue that you do. He just doesn't think it's "worth it," and never will. We have the money, but no matter how much money we have, he won't ever think it makes sense to spend it on a trip to Paris.

Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 07:51     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH above. What are your two incomes, how much did you put down, how much are you saving for retirement each month, what’s the balance in there now? And what’s the childcare plan?


OP here. We are finically stable and have the money to spend. I just don’t think it’s necessary to spend that money on something that won’t add any value to the condo.


The value is in the peace of mind she (and you!) will gain if she creates a space that's comfortable for her. If you have the money, which it sounds like you do, and she's not a frivolous spender, what's another $2k to continue with cosmetic adjustments? (You didn't NEED hardwood floors...) You're scared of something deeper here, and should do some soul searching to determine what that might be as you prepare to bring a new human into your life.


Not OP but I would change to hardwood floors. Only two rooms with carpet sounds weird and I don’t want carpet that was there when someone else lived in the home.
Anonymous
Post 02/19/2021 07:44     Subject: Wife Spending Money
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH above. What are your two incomes, how much did you put down, how much are you saving for retirement each month, what’s the balance in there now? And what’s the childcare plan?


OP here. We are finically stable and have the money to spend. I just don’t think it’s necessary to spend that money on something that won’t add any value to the condo.


The value is in the peace of mind she (and you!) will gain if she creates a space that's comfortable for her. If you have the money, which it sounds like you do, and she's not a frivolous spender, what's another $2k to continue with cosmetic adjustments? (You didn't NEED hardwood floors...) You're scared of something deeper here, and should do some soul searching to determine what that might be as you prepare to bring a new human into your life.