Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Of course it's important to have dinner with your children. When you become a part then you put aside your selfish desires.

A part?

Parent

I remember dating a guy in high school. His mom plated the food and then they all scurried away to their bedrooms to eat. Strangest thing I’d ever seen. He said they are together at thanksgiving

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s important to a certain extent. I don’t see value in it at younger ages, especially under 5, on looking back. Too much strategizing for nothing. I made an effort to eat together as a family for my kids between ages 6-11, and I believe, they do remember, and it wasn’t any extra planning or work. Work and activities, dinner prep schedules, matched.

Once they hit teens, they started to chafe a bit, and I let it slide. Now, with the pandemic, I ask them to come down for dinner about 2-3 times per week, and they come down, chat a bit pleasantly, eat and go. Anything more, it’s going to be ‘ why do we have to eat at the same time every day?, why do we have to eat together, why do I have to eat when I’m not hungry?.’ I’ve learnt that with teens, the more I try to enforce strict rules, the harder, and less effective it is for whatever I’m trying to accomplish. I also cook something they like and won’t complain about 3 times a week to make it easier. Rest of the time it is eat whatever I cooked whenever you are hungry before 8.30 ish.

^^ I’m pp above. Haha, just noticed the subject line said toddlers. My opinion - feed the toddlers first, then enjoy your meal, don’t stress about what any one else says. No one will know or remember.

I think it’s important to a certain extent. I don’t see value in it at younger ages, especially under 5, on looking back. Too much strategizing for nothing. I made an effort to eat together as a family for my kids between ages 6-11, and I believe, they do remember, and it wasn’t any extra planning or work. Work and activities, dinner prep schedules, matched.

Once they hit teens, they started to chafe a bit, and I let it slide. Now, with the pandemic, I ask them to come down for dinner about 2-3 times per week, and they come down, chat a bit pleasantly, eat and go. Anything more, it’s going to be ‘ why do we have to eat at the same time every day?, why do we have to eat together, why do I have to eat when I’m not hungry?.’ I’ve learnt that with teens, the more I try to enforce strict rules, the harder, and less effective it is for whatever I’m trying to accomplish. I also cook something they like and won’t complain about 3 times a week to make it easier. Rest of the time it is eat whatever I cooked whenever you are hungry before 8.30 ish.

https://www.splendidtable.org/story/2013/06/07/its-not-the-family-dinner-thats-important-its-the-time-together[url]

It's really about spending time together and if dinner doesn't work that's ok. Maybe have a family meal where you all sit together for dinner once a week. Or maybe make weekend breakfast the time to sit together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Then why not eat next to them?

I think a lot of people on here have husbands who aren’t coming home early enough. That’s a problem. Log on later at night instead

Well setting aside that you are assuming that everyone on here is a SAHM with a DH working outside the home...

Very few professionals can leave work any earlier than 5 (and 6 is common if you work in private industry). Even if you have the most efficient commute ever, very hard to be sitting down as a family before 6 or 6:30. If bedtime is 7 or 7:30, that’s tight, especially with a toddler because bedtime reluctance is very common at that age.

So you’re suggesting people leave work at 4:30, eat dinner at 5:30pm? And then do bath and bedtime, and then sit down to finishes another hour or two of work?

I’m sure plenty of families work this way but it sounds like hell. We work hard to keep evening free from work so we can focus on family. And with two working parents, we have to divide and conquer, which means feeding the toddler early so that one parent can work on dinner while the other does bedtime. And most days, the 1-2 hours after our kid’s bedtime is the only time we get to check in with each other. I can’t imagine giving that up for one chaotic meal that will leave us both hungry again before bedtime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Then why not eat next to them?

I think a lot of people on here have husbands who aren’t coming home early enough. That’s a problem. Log on later at night instead

Oh yeah, because everyone has super flexible schedules.

I don’t eat the same foods as my kids because I have lots of dietary restrictions. They eat their broccoli as I eat my pasta. It’s life. We are fine.

OP just be sure you’re spending time with your family all together. It’s lovely that you and your husband can eat together without your kids.

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

I didn't have a problem transitioning my kids to more sophisticated fare when they were older, like preschool and early elementary. But at the toddler phases, it just depended on the day. Sometimes they would eat bits of my grilled fish and rice dinner, other times husband and I would order Indian or sushi and serve the toddlers chopped ham and green beans. It was fine! They love a variety of foods now including international cuisine (teen age).

Not important.

I do think sitting together most days once the kids are in elementary school is important. Doesn't have to be daily, and it won't be once you hit the age of various conflicting sports practices and after school extracurriculars etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Then why not eat next to them?

I think a lot of people on here have husbands who aren’t coming home early enough. That’s a problem. Log on later at night instead

Because neither DH nor I are hungry at 5PM when our toddlers is. Plus we don’t go to bed at 7 when he does. I don’t see the problem, honestly. We eat breakfast and lunch together. What’s so magical about dinner? And if you think DH and I wanting to enjoy or dinner alone is selfish, so be it.

My 2 cents - it was not important at all. I fed my toddler earlier and before he reached the hangry state. Adults ate dinner later and my toddler also sat in his high chair and tried adult food - usually.

Though, truth be told, both my children never sat in the high chair during adult meal times when my parents were visiting. Why? My dad insisted that children should not be "caged" in the chair and actually be allowed to "cruise" the dining table. Dad was a baby-whisperer and I listened to him. So imagine this - we all are eating and i have the baby on my lap, then the baby wants to move to my mom's lap so he is handed to her, my mom picks food from her plate, mashes it and lets the baby taste it, then the baby wants to move to my dad's lap and try food from his plate...I mean all of this was pre-pandemic and we were certainly allowing it. My parents were also super chilled and did not find babies and kids objectionable. They were also super tolerant about messes and somehow DH and I started to take it in our strides too. As a result, my kids associate meal times and eating together with family time, socialization, fun, pleasure, tasting new things.

We took the kids to restaurants from the time they were babies. They loved eating out and people commented on how well behaved they were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Then why not eat next to them?

I think a lot of people on here have husbands who aren’t coming home early enough. That’s a problem. Log on later at night instead

Anonymous wrote:So what are the kids eating if not the same food as you?! I think it’s super important for toddlers to see adults eat vegetables and everyone eats the same.

Same as us just no salt or very spicy hot. My toddler loves vegetables luckily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and infant. Toddler goes to bed at 7:30, infant at 7, and then DH and I sit down and have a nice dinner. Eating dinner with our toddler would be at 5 and not at all relaxing for us. Or enjoyable. I know it’s important to eat as a family but is it important now?

Of course it's important to have dinner with your children. When you become a part then you put aside your selfish desires.

A part?