Anonymous wrote:My sister has always been an odd duck. Maybe it's the whole "middle child" thing. She always kept to herself, never was the one to share, was very much into privacy. Absolutely hated family gatherings. I swear, one of her biggest wishes was to get sick right before family vacations. Never happened but she was miserable throughout our trips. We all thought she'd outgrow it eventually but it's gotten worse.

She eloped couple years ago without telling anyone. Ok, fine. She had a child we don't get to see at all despite living in the same area. None of us have been to her home. We know where she lives, we drove by her house, but she never invites us. If we want to see her, we can only do that in a public place, like a restaurant or a local park. She always comes alone, no husband, no child. She's been married for 4 years and we've only seen her husband twice!

I cannot comprehend this! None of us can! We are not horrible people. She was not abused (trust me, we asked!), our parents loved us equally. Why is she like this? What did we do wrong? How do we move forward?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your sister may have suffered something terrible during childhood that she has not shared. I think this goes beyond being an introvert. The behavior is off and spells something else happened or happening. Possibly abuse or mental illness. And before you deny abuse I unfortunately know of many families where one child was abused and the others had no knowledge of it.

Since she's willing to communicate and visit you I would start off small and meet her where she is. Let her know you love her and your always available.

Would she accept the occasional phone call from you or text? How about a card or letter?
Show interestsn in her interests ask about the baby.

Could be something tragic happened, or she’s on the spectrum and doesn’t see the need for people. Not sure how that jives with being a wife and new mother now though.

Enough with the everyone has ASD who isn't like you. OP is a nightmare sister and sister has appropriately pulled away.

Anonymous wrote:Just because you asked about abuse doesn’t mean you know the truth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your sister may have suffered something terrible during childhood that she has not shared. I think this goes beyond being an introvert. The behavior is off and spells something else happened or happening. Possibly abuse or mental illness. And before you deny abuse I unfortunately know of many families where one child was abused and the others had no knowledge of it.

Since she's willing to communicate and visit you I would start off small and meet her where she is. Let her know you love her and your always available.

Would she accept the occasional phone call from you or text? How about a card or letter?
Show interestsn in her interests ask about the baby.

Could be something tragic happened, or she’s on the spectrum and doesn’t see the need for people. Not sure how that jives with being a wife and new mother now though.

Enough with the everyone has ASD who isn't like you. OP is a nightmare sister and sister has appropriately pulled away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your sister may have suffered something terrible during childhood that she has not shared. I think this goes beyond being an introvert. The behavior is off and spells something else happened or happening. Possibly abuse or mental illness. And before you deny abuse I unfortunately know of many families where one child was abused and the others had no knowledge of it.

Since she's willing to communicate and visit you I would start off small and meet her where she is. Let her know you love her and your always available.

Would she accept the occasional phone call from you or text? How about a card or letter?
Show interestsn in her interests ask about the baby.

Could be something tragic happened, or she’s on the spectrum and doesn’t see the need for people. Not sure how that jives with being a wife and new mother now though.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your sister may have suffered something terrible during childhood that she has not shared. I think this goes beyond being an introvert. The behavior is off and spells something else happened or happening. Possibly abuse or mental illness. And before you deny abuse I unfortunately know of many families where one child was abused and the others had no knowledge of it.

Since she's willing to communicate and visit you I would start off small and meet her where she is. Let her know you love her and your always available.

Would she accept the occasional phone call from you or text? How about a card or letter?
Show interestsn in her interests ask about the baby.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she does not want to hang out with people who call her odd.

Anonymous wrote:Meet her where she is. It's clear she has some strong boundaries up about how your family interacts. If you want a relationship, meet her on her terms. Make it as positive as possible.

If she finally feels SEEN maybe she'll stop avoiding you all. Or not. But either way the relationship will stay positive, which is really the end goal.

Anonymous wrote:She probably has a different view on how she was treated. My parents will say they treated us equally, they didn't. My sister was always horrible to me and they encouraged it as they pitted us up against each other and were always comparing. Honestly, I have zero interest in seeing my family and only did it when my kids were little for them. Now my kids see right through them as they do the same things to them and want nothing to do with them. They were never very nice to my husband or his family (his mom was lovely to me) so I would always have to pick my family or my MIL for holidays. Since we were all my MIL had and she treated me better, I choose her. If I never see them again, I'm fine with it. I am sure my sister will get all the inheritance and our kids have specifically requested if something happens to us that they go with our friends vs. aunt.