Only sailors use condoms, baby!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.


That’s your experience but many women can’t take birth control. It’s not “ eazy breezy” for everyone. Some have real side effects do take it.

PP is just ignorant. Many women can’t take hormonal bc for health reasons. I am a woman with four daughters - none of us can do hormonal bc due to an inherited blood condition. So it’s not “easy breezy.”

That's rare. Most women CAN use birth control.

She just doesn't want to. There are also IUDs without hormones, diaphrams, etc.

He can use a condom. Problem solved.

OP, I’m usually a “get him snipped” person, but that’s when both parents agree no more children. In this case, if I were your, I’d probably consider an IUD (copper IUD) or IUS (like Mirena) for a set amount of time, like until you’re 40. Yea, it still changes YOUR body, but not to the degree that OCs would, but with a good success rate.

You could consider other methods, even condoms, but the risk becomes higher.

No cot slays wins, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be communication and compromise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

But he won't. So stop making excuses. You are the one being immature now.

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.

DP. People like you are not helpful. Did you not read the OP? If she has reasons for avoiding BC, that's that.

To the OP: give him the choice, condoms every time or vasectomy. You cannot force him to undergo a medical procedure, but you are the one who has to go through a pregnancy, so you can demand a condom every time.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are at an odds with him getting a vasectomy. We have two beautiful kids and I’m done. I’ve always said I wanted 2-3 kids but two is perfect for us. There are a lot of reasons I think staying at two kids makes sense - age, career, time, etc. I’m 38 and it’s really hard balancing work with equal time for both kids. My husband is very involved and we split most things 50/50. He’s a great father. He wants to leave the door open to a third but I know a third child is not an option. I want him to get a vasectomy but he wants to wait another 1-2 years until I’m sure. He hates using protection and I don’t like being on BC. I don’t really know how to come to an agreement on this.

Hmmm. This is very different than most "my husband won't get a vasectomy" posts because HE is not confident he doesn't want a third child - it's not just like fear of the procedure. I do not think it's fair to push him to give up his fertility when he thinks he might want another child, even if you're sure. I mean, asking, fine, but I would not push this right now.

I think if I were you, I would probably get something really effective and give him a couple of years before bringing it up again. Maybe like a non-hormonal IUD (isn't that a thing?) Seems worth a conversation with your OB/GYN about options - there are niche birth control options that aren't very popular that might be a good fit for you - like maybe a diaphragm?

I also think, particularly if you have to go with something that doesn't have a super high efficacy, it's very reasonable to say he has to wear a condom then.

Additionally - it's worth a conversation about what you would do if you became pregnant unexpectedly. If the answer is that you would have an abortion, I think that's worth disclosing now. If you wouldn't, a discussion about the fact that you might end up really resentful of him in that situation might also be reasonable.

I was going to get a vasectomy but freaked out when the doctor started talking about side effects and problems. I backed out. My wife was not happy and rents me since she has to keep taking birth control. I can’t help how I feel, even though it is selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.


That’s your experience but many women can’t take birth control. It’s not “ eazy breezy” for everyone. Some have real side effects do take it.

PP is just ignorant. Many women can’t take hormonal bc for health reasons. I am a woman with four daughters - none of us can do hormonal bc due to an inherited blood condition. So it’s not “easy breezy.”

That's rare. Most women CAN use birth control.

She just doesn't want to. There are also IUDs without hormones, diaphrams, etc.

This. Get a copper IUD if you don't want hormones. You can keep it in for up to 10 yrs. But you should only need it another couple yrs. By then it should be pretty clear if a third child is still in play.

Anonymous wrote:

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.


That’s your experience but many women can’t take birth control. It’s not “ eazy breezy” for everyone. Some have real side effects do take it.

PP is just ignorant. Many women can’t take hormonal bc for health reasons. I am a woman with four daughters - none of us can do hormonal bc due to an inherited blood condition. So it’s not “easy breezy.”

That's rare. Most women CAN use birth control.

She just doesn't want to. There are also IUDs without hormones, diaphrams, etc.

Anonymous wrote:FYI, I think the solution of not going on BC, not demanding a vasectomy, not getting your tubes tied ... is condoms and natural family planning. It isn't difficult, it won't kill anybody, and condoms aren't that bad. If he really hates them, he gets a vasectomy.

I wouldn't do hormonal birth control pills, either. Not for me. we used condoms until dh eventually got a vasectomy (after an oops)

Yeah why more people don't know about NFP options like the Billings method always surprises me. Even if you want to be ultra "careful" with it, some sex is better than none!

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.


That’s your experience but many women can’t take birth control. It’s not “ eazy breezy” for everyone. Some have real side effects do take it.

PP is just ignorant. Many women can’t take hormonal bc for health reasons. I am a woman with four daughters - none of us can do hormonal bc due to an inherited blood condition. So it’s not “easy breezy.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

OP here. Getting my tubes tied is more of an invasive procedure than getting a vasectomy.

Then don’t have sex unless he’s wearing a condom. His choice. Condom, vasectomy or no sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your tubes tied. He should man up and get snipped, but if he won’t, you take care of you.

OP here. Getting my tubes tied is more of an invasive procedure than getting a vasectomy.

Yes, we are all aware of that.

The issue here isn't that you both agree that you are done having kids but he doesn't want to take responsibility for birth control. He would like another child and you do not. The options are a compromise - you continue BC for a year and if you feel the same he gets a vasectomy, or you take the responsibility on yourself.

FYI, I think the solution of not going on BC, not demanding a vasectomy, not getting your tubes tied ... is condoms and natural family planning. It isn't difficult, it won't kill anybody, and condoms aren't that bad. If he really hates them, he gets a vasectomy.

I wouldn't do hormonal birth control pills, either. Not for me. we used condoms until dh eventually got a vasectomy (after an oops)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

Oh, well. You are SOL my friend. What do you want us all to say -- force your husband to get a vasectomy??

Anonymous wrote:Do the research

Tube tie for women results in far fewer long term health issues

Vasectomy for men correlated to more health issues.

Google is your friend
If not,
Ask a doctor

Getting your tubes tied is major surgery. Getting snipped is much safe and easier.