Anonymous
02/11/2021 11:57
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
I get, “thanks for your call” like I’m the doctors office calling for an appointment reminder.
Or, after a 1/2 long conversation, “call me back when you can talk longer...we’ll catch up.”
Or, “let’s see...I haven’t talked to you since (insert specific day and time less than six days ago) so I need to tell you...(something unremarkable about her neighbor’s family)...
Or, “I haven’t heard from (sibling) in (specific number of days...maybe one week) so I know *something* is going on with sibling/family...{yes...life: work, children, marriage, school...}
And by the way to PP who urged us all to simply call our moms: some us us were raised by narcissistic control freaks and have had to set firm boundaries. One size does not fit all.
Or, after a 1/2 long conversation, “call me back when you can talk longer...we’ll catch up.”
Or, “let’s see...I haven’t talked to you since (insert specific day and time less than six days ago) so I need to tell you...(something unremarkable about her neighbor’s family)...
Or, “I haven’t heard from (sibling) in (specific number of days...maybe one week) so I know *something* is going on with sibling/family...{yes...life: work, children, marriage, school...}
And by the way to PP who urged us all to simply call our moms: some us us were raised by narcissistic control freaks and have had to set firm boundaries. One size does not fit all.
Anonymous
02/11/2021 11:48
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
What you do it make a bingo card out of her most used expressions. Then you mark off a spot when she says one. One day when she lays on the line of guilt you yell "BINGO YES!!!!" and when she's asks what you're talking about you say "oh nothing".
Make it game so it stops irritating you so much. Because she won't stop. I did this with my MIL who insists on saying something negative about anyone who cuts their hair, or in general complains about all food and how she doesn't like it. I have yet to yell Bingo in her face, but now when she says something that used to feel like a jab to me, I almost celebrate that I predicted it so well.
Make it game so it stops irritating you so much. Because she won't stop. I did this with my MIL who insists on saying something negative about anyone who cuts their hair, or in general complains about all food and how she doesn't like it. I have yet to yell Bingo in her face, but now when she says something that used to feel like a jab to me, I almost celebrate that I predicted it so well.
Anonymous
02/11/2021 11:43
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
When I used to call my mom more regularly, we would chat for a few minutes, and I would actually talk about real issues in my life. Then, I realized that she always hurried off the phone, and there was no follow up ever to what we discussed . So, I stopped discussing anything substantive and started chatting about the dogs and other unimportant topics (not much on my kids--she doesn't really care to know details there). She would also try to get off the phone after a few minutes. So, I have kind of stopped calling. Now, she calls me every few weeks or sends me texts that say "call me when you can" or other things that make it seem like an emergency. Then I call and she says she hadn't heard from me and was worried. Then we talk about the dogs, and then she says she has to go--just wanted to make sure everything was ok. Fast forward 3 weeks, same thing happens again. Honestly, I think she is too wrapped up in her own life to even realize this is sad, and I am much happier sort of having her be an older relative I speak with every now and again on a superficial level.
Anonymous
02/11/2021 11:10
Subject: Re:“I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
And I have 5 kids.
Anonymous
02/11/2021 11:09
Subject: Re:“I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
Anonymous wrote:CALL YOUR MOTHER PEOPLE!
They were bending backwards for 18 years for you. Yes you call your parent. This is not about
equality or justice. It is you calling your mom showing that you care and giving back.
Call her, soon she will be gone, you will be glad you did. Don't listen to all those DCUM regular
mother bashers. They never had kids, they were never mothers. They have no idea how it feels.
Once you will feel your call to be a gift to your mom, you will feel different.
Truly, your mother gave you enough.. give back a little. Once you will be a mother you will know how it feels. Parents often don't call because younger people have tons of things to do and after calling few times
at the wrong time they feel like it is so much easier for you to pick the time and call when you feel like it.
Isn't it a gift that you can still call your mom, you still have her and you can pick your time to call
when you are rested, and have a good mental moment?
For once.. GIVE without being so greedy and so whinny..
Next time you are near cemetery, stop by, walk around the grave, one of them will be your mom
soon... good luck calling then.
BS. She never bent over backwards for me It is about me. Abusive b*these and I won't be sad when she's gone.
Anonymous
02/11/2021 10:49
Subject: Re:“I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
I don't understand why you can be honest with your mom: "Mom, when you say that, it makes me feel bad, and since I don't want to feel bad, that in turn makes me want to call you less often so that I don't have to hear you say that to me. I'd like our conversations to be positive, so that we both feel good about our interactions. Can you please just sound happy to hear from me, rather than laying on the guilt?"
Maybe someone else has a better way to word this. My mom kept saying that to me, and finally I told her that she knows how to use a phone and can call me, too. And I also said what I wrote above. Now she doesn't say anything negative to me and our phone conversations are much more pleasant.
Honesty HELPS mature relationships. If you want a mature relationship, then be honest!
Maybe someone else has a better way to word this. My mom kept saying that to me, and finally I told her that she knows how to use a phone and can call me, too. And I also said what I wrote above. Now she doesn't say anything negative to me and our phone conversations are much more pleasant.
Honesty HELPS mature relationships. If you want a mature relationship, then be honest!
Anonymous
02/10/2021 09:12
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother does it and her excuse about not calling me is “I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.” Well, then respect that I’m freaking busy and be grateful I used my personal time to call you, because I’d rather be curled up on the couch watching Netflix. LOL No advice, just commiseration. It’s best to just ignore the BS.
My mom is the same way and I used to play this waiting game and see how long we'd go without talking. Then when a coworker/friend hadn't heard from her dad for awhile and ended up finding him dead on the floor in his house, I decided I didn't want my relationship with my mom to end without contact due to me playing games and just started calling. She's 78 and relatively healthy but she's about the only family I have left and who knows how much time I have with her. Just call her and be glad you can. Sure wish I had the choice to call my dad.
My mom was the same way and often said she didn't want to "bother" me either. This scenario PP described actually just happened to me two weeks ago and it's awful. My brother called me and asked how long it had been since I'd heard from our mom. I said I don't know a couple of days....he said he was worried. I said big whoop, I go a week or two sometimes without hearing from her (I call her or text her and she doesn't return them only to surface later and everything is fine). He sent the police for a welfare check and she had passed away in her bed. Now I feel terrible for saying big whoop. I wish I could just talk to her again and I wish I had not played that waiting game as much as I did.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m also sorry that there was an unbalanced, unhealthy aspect to your relationship that was caused by her choices and behavior. That dynamic was not your fault.
Anonymous
02/10/2021 09:10
Subject: Re:“I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
If I don't call for like two weeks (I usually call weekly) my mom calls and leaves a message that says "Hello?? Do you remember me? I'm your mother! Tall, dark hair? Anyway, call me back."
She thinks its clever, I find it annoying. But it's the kind of annoying that I can just say "argh" to and move on.
Moms gonna mom.
She thinks its clever, I find it annoying. But it's the kind of annoying that I can just say "argh" to and move on.
Moms gonna mom.
Anonymous
02/10/2021 09:03
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mother does it and her excuse about not calling me is “I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.” Well, then respect that I’m freaking busy and be grateful I used my personal time to call you, because I’d rather be curled up on the couch watching Netflix. LOL No advice, just commiseration. It’s best to just ignore the BS.
My mom is the same way and I used to play this waiting game and see how long we'd go without talking. Then when a coworker/friend hadn't heard from her dad for awhile and ended up finding him dead on the floor in his house, I decided I didn't want my relationship with my mom to end without contact due to me playing games and just started calling. She's 78 and relatively healthy but she's about the only family I have left and who knows how much time I have with her. Just call her and be glad you can. Sure wish I had the choice to call my dad.
My mom was the same way and often said she didn't want to "bother" me either. This scenario PP described actually just happened to me two weeks ago and it's awful. My brother called me and asked how long it had been since I'd heard from our mom. I said I don't know a couple of days....he said he was worried. I said big whoop, I go a week or two sometimes without hearing from her (I call her or text her and she doesn't return them only to surface later and everything is fine). He sent the police for a welfare check and she had passed away in her bed. Now I feel terrible for saying big whoop. I wish I could just talk to her again and I wish I had not played that waiting game as much as I did.
Anonymous
02/10/2021 08:49
Subject: “I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
Anonymous wrote:Next time open with "well I guess since you didn't call me again, I broke down and called you"
This. Is. Amazing. Haha do it, OP!!
Anonymous
02/10/2021 03:27
Subject: Re:“I’m glad you finally found the time to call.”
Anonymous wrote:CALL YOUR MOTHER PEOPLE!
They were bending backwards for 18 years for you. Yes you call your parent. This is not about
equality or justice. It is you calling your mom showing that you care and giving back.
Call her, soon she will be gone, you will be glad you did. Don't listen to all those DCUM regular
mother bashers. They never had kids, they were never mothers. They have no idea how it feels.
Once you will feel your call to be a gift to your mom, you will feel different.
Truly, your mother gave you enough.. give back a little. Once you will be a mother you will know how it feels. Parents often don't call because younger people have tons of things to do and after calling few times
at the wrong time they feel like it is so much easier for you to pick the time and call when you feel like it.
Isn't it a gift that you can still call your mom, you still have her and you can pick your time to call
when you are rested, and have a good mental moment?
For once.. GIVE without being so greedy and so whinny..
Next time you are near cemetery, stop by, walk around the grave, one of them will be your mom
soon... good luck calling then.
Wow dramatic much and apparently psychic. I am glad you know the fertility of every poster on DCUM, my you are special.
So much guilt and manipulation all dripping into one long post.
Funny story my MIL also told me she would be dead soon when we were first married, oh I won't be around much longer, with a hand pressed against her forehead. Its been 20 years and she's still here. We would all swoon around her, fanning her with handkerchiefs at her ordeal.
Op is on an anonymous forum, take a deep breath and relax. Its ok.