Anonymous
Post 01/30/2021 16:33     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.


OP can you please explain what more you are doing than you were doing before other than drop off/pickup and feeding your child? Did your husband help around the house before? Did he make dinner before? Did he STOP doing anything or is this what your life was like before and you're just complaining about 3 extra hours a day with your child?
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 19:24     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.


That’s messed up. My spouse and I both WOH due to the pandemic. He does drop offs. I do pick ups. He does online classes, I do pod outdoor playdates. He runs the laundry, I fold. He cooks on weekdays and I do weekends. He does bath time, I do homework and practice. He loads the dishwasher, I unload. He does grocery shopping and pantry stocking. I tidy and organize. We didn’t talk this arrangement out. Over the years I’ve just let go of more tasks and expected him to be able to rise to the occasion. I still do all the “mom” stuff — shopping for clothes, shoes, books, toys... school arrangements and childcare, holidays, birthdays, social calendar, child development, extracurriculars, camps, family trips. But there is no way I’m going to do that plus 70% of the day to day. No way.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 19:07     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.


Wait. You only have one kid?
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 18:48     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
If you have childcare, go to the office if you can amd it’s safe. I know people who do that- go in a couple days a week, get more done, treat themselves to a nice takeout lunch or coffee on those days, etc
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 18:39     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
This is op sorry for ghosting. Kid stays home half day with me and then half day in a pod type arrangement. So I feel like morning through lunch is all me, then I drive him to “school”, then I get home and have a few uninterrupted work hours, and then pick kid up again and figure out dinner. Spouse breezes in from office like whatever. And sometimes spouse wfh but just walks himself off in front of computer like he who cannot be disturbed.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 13:09     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Uh, you aren't a SAHM. You're a WOHM married to a WOHD who is not doing his fair share.

If you aren't happy with the balance in your relationship, then you need to work with your DH to step it up. Ask for what you need and work out a plan to split the childcare more fairly. Keep paying the cleaners if you can afford it because there's no reason not to.

Tell him what you need (you do drop-off, he does pick-up? You alternate days? He makes lunches? etc). Let's give him the benefit of the double and start with the premise that he simply doesn't know what is needed and would do more if asked (nicely). Then let him do whatever you have asked him to do however he wants to do it, without asking that he do it your way (i.e. he wants to feed them pizza for lunch and you would usually make a four-course meal? Fine, he feeds them pizza -- it's his role now).
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 12:57     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Yes, your partner needs to do more. Of course. But good lord. You have no idea how privileged you are, OP.

You’re not risking covid exposure day in & day out working in food service or checking groceries. You’re not cleaning hotel rooms for a living, working in a factory, or leaving your kids at a neighbors apartment so you can go watch over someone else’s spoiled children. You have cleaners and childcare. Sounds like you have a decent career.

Get your partner to stop being lazy and stop complaining.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 11:16     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't know that you are doing all of the work of a SAHP, but I can commiserate with being exhausted. My husband has to go into the office and so I am teleworking and managing my kids' virtual school and it is just exhausting.


I'm not OP and I think OP is super privileged if she has cleaners come in twice a week and has kids in daycare, but hell yeah, those of us who are working from home and parenting without any outside help are in fact doing all the work of a SAHP right now plus our full-time jobs (some of us are not doing one or both of those jobs very well, but that's life in a pandemic, I guess). That said, I have a husband who is a partner and does his share of work around the house when he's at home (he works outside of the home right now, but recognizes that I'm also working during the day and can't do everything). It sounds like OP's husband doesn't recognize that fact and she needs to work that out with him, especially if he's also working from home.

And to the "bitch ho" PP, I have never had a nanny or house cleaners. I had kids in daycare before and now I have school-aged children doing virtual learning from home. So the only change in my life during the pandemic has been an extra hour and a half that I'm not commuting and no daycare/aftercare for my children. So YEAH, I'm doing everything you do plus my job. Stop with the mommy wars right now.


Totally. But OP is not pulling double duty. She even has extra help.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 11:06     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:I don't know that you are doing all of the work of a SAHP, but I can commiserate with being exhausted. My husband has to go into the office and so I am teleworking and managing my kids' virtual school and it is just exhausting.


I'm not OP and I think OP is super privileged if she has cleaners come in twice a week and has kids in daycare, but hell yeah, those of us who are working from home and parenting without any outside help are in fact doing all the work of a SAHP right now plus our full-time jobs (some of us are not doing one or both of those jobs very well, but that's life in a pandemic, I guess). That said, I have a husband who is a partner and does his share of work around the house when he's at home (he works outside of the home right now, but recognizes that I'm also working during the day and can't do everything). It sounds like OP's husband doesn't recognize that fact and she needs to work that out with him, especially if he's also working from home.

And to the "bitch ho" PP, I have never had a nanny or house cleaners. I had kids in daycare before and now I have school-aged children doing virtual learning from home. So the only change in my life during the pandemic has been an extra hour and a half that I'm not commuting and no daycare/aftercare for my children. So YEAH, I'm doing everything you do plus my job. Stop with the mommy wars right now.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:57     Subject: Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She probably had a nanny before. My nanny did all the laundry and took kids to activities but quit at the start of the pandemic.


My takeaway has been that the real hero of the WOHMuniverse was the nanny. All the talk about the working mom doing a "real job" and doing every thing a SAHM does was just a load of BS. Now without the nanny/School/Childcare...the whole house of cards is crashing down. And all of the husbands seem to be good for nothing. Why is that?


Oh look, here's the bitch who wants to use this thread to start a SAHM vs WOHM war. Stop. You know VERY WELL that most women who work outside of the home cannot afford a nanny. So just stop.


Hmmm...Nope. I don't have to take instructions from a bitch ho.

A nanny is a working woman who does the job of raising the kids of WOHMs. Unfortunately, they are seen as just lowly servants and not as working women. Happy to know that their worth is being recognized.

As far as the OP is concerned...she is not providing childcare and she is not cleaning her home. So what is she blathering about? And why is her DH not doing anything. She seems to have a husband problem.


Again - MOST WORKING PARENTS DO NOT HAVE NANNIES. What is wrong with you?
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:55     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..?


PARENTING


Yeah, this-- WTH?

I'm the long-winded poster at 9:25 and this is what I meant to get at.

The actual problem that OP/PP are complaining about comes from not splitting those duties equitably, but those duties are all parenting duties that WOHP and ALL PARENTS are expected to do (at least between the ~two of them). They're not "SAHM duties??"

Yes, having a job and parenting-- if we're not wealthy and outsource them, we all have the work of two jobs (or should)!
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:44     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..?


PARENTING


Yeah, I WOH (now WFH) and don't have a nanny, and even before COVID my spouse and I helped the kids get ready, got them to and from school, made dinner, supervised bath and bedtime, did laundry, cleaned the house, etc. You can't call it SAHM duties if it's something that WOHM parents normally do, too. It's just parenting.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:38     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..?


PARENTING


Ok? I think the point is that WOHMs still do all of the other parenting duties plus work which has its own set of stresses. Staying at home with little kids sounds exhausting but once they’re in school...


Read original post and title.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:24     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
Anonymous wrote:
PS- what do you call waking up before kids, getting breakfast plus kids ready, doing drop off and then going to work, picking them up, making dinner and bed/bath if not pulling SAHM duties plus working full time..?


PARENTING


Ok? I think the point is that WOHMs still do all of the other parenting duties plus work which has its own set of stresses. Staying at home with little kids sounds exhausting but once they’re in school...
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2021 10:20     Subject: Re:Telework hell that all the work of A stay at home parent while still working
I don't know that you are doing all of the work of a SAHP, but I can commiserate with being exhausted. My husband has to go into the office and so I am teleworking and managing my kids' virtual school and it is just exhausting.