Private school or homeschool, OP.

I was your daughter. I’m 38 now. I played with my American girl doll until I was 12-13. I was a child through and through and I’m glad for that.

Middle school killed me. I was teased non stop, and learned too much too quickly: sex and bullying, etc. I learned nothing academically because I was too busy protecting myself from bullies.

My parents knew none of this. If they had, I know they would’ve homeschooled or pulled me from school.

I honestly think I would be better off, even now at 38, if I didn’t go through that.

Didn't rush them out of imaginary play, whether it be American Girl dolls, legos, playmobil etc.

No social media before age 13 hard stop. Some don't believe in it even at 13 but I want them to learn how to use it when they are with me.

No pressure on dating.

15 minutes minimum uninterrupted one-on-one time each day with me, longer is fine but 15 covers a LOT.

No screens in the car for normal around-town driving (road trips are major screen time). This isn't to judge screen time but because it's a lost opportunity for you to listen. Pre-covid that sometimes meant listening to my kids interacting with their friends, now it is more of a chance to hear whatever is on their mind.

Family activities--board games, movie night, video games... whatever you can do all together as a group. Because if you aren't creating those pockets of time their social media and friends will take it.

Sometimes realizing that the more angry/sulky/obnoxious they are, the more it means they need you. It's not a good time to tune out or be distant with them. Don't forget to hug them and tell them you love them. It's okay if they roll their eyes, they still need to hear it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe it's COVID but we have twins about to be 12 (in 6th grade) and they are still girls. They still play with their dolls, they play with their little sister and her barbies. Because we have a younger kid in the house, family movie night is pretty much restricted to disney cartoon movies, nothing beyond a 6 year old level. We don't let the girls watch much stuff on their own and they don't get to play video games.

Might they seem a little odd to other kids once they start school (even better, we moved during pandemic so they will know NOBODY when school starts in person)? Yes. For sure. The twin dynamic means they also tend to be in their own little world a little bit. But they're happy. And the world will make them grow up soon enough...

Thank you everyone ! Very kind of you to share your experience. As to the PP above - exactly because of the younger sibling , the movies/cartoons etc everything is for about 6 year old. So that is may be the other thing that keeps her a bit on a younger side. Glad to hear other girls are playing dolls and watching disney.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put her in a nice little private school. My childlike sweet girl is thriving in a progressive little school where the kids and teachers focus on kindness and inclusion. We are no longer in DC.

Isn't a private school the complete opposite of inclusion? You literally have to pay to play. Exclusivity is the point.

Ha ha, true. But if you’re able to pay, then they do whatever they can to “include” you

Anonymous wrote:Put her in a nice little private school. My childlike sweet girl is thriving in a progressive little school where the kids and teachers focus on kindness and inclusion. We are no longer in DC.

This worked for my kids. They were in public K-5 then the oldest went to a small private religious k-8 school (the religious part makes it very affordable). The kids don't seem to grow up so fast. This has been good for my oldest who looks young and didn't want to go to our big public middle school and his younger brother who does want to grow up fast.

My DD is thriving in middle school! She’s a 7th grader now, but was completely new to her middle school in 6th. She was brave but pretty clueless.

She worked hard to make friends, and I think that is the key. You have to work to make friends. They do not just come to you. There were days she had no one to walk the halls with or no one to stand with. Those are distant memories now, but it caused her distress. Now she had lots of friends and is a school leader.

OP, maybe it's COVID but we have twins about to be 12 (in 6th grade) and they are still girls. They still play with their dolls, they play with their little sister and her barbies. Because we have a younger kid in the house, family movie night is pretty much restricted to disney cartoon movies, nothing beyond a 6 year old level. We don't let the girls watch much stuff on their own and they don't get to play video games.

Might they seem a little odd to other kids once they start school (even better, we moved during pandemic so they will know NOBODY when school starts in person)? Yes. For sure. The twin dynamic means they also tend to be in their own little world a little bit. But they're happy. And the world will make them grow up soon enough...

Your DD sounds a lot like mine -- also 10, also tiny, also does ballet. Also still very much a kid who plays with dolls, plays pretend with her little 7 yo brother and has expressed no interest in growing up (whenever we talk about puberty, she says it sounds terrible and she'd prefer to stay a kid). I think she's going to be fine. She'ss extremely social and has a lot of friends. Her friends don't act much older than her -- they're all kind of on the same level.

They still have a lot of growing to do before they hit 6th grade and even when they get there, it's still ok, the 6th graders are not going to be like the 8th graders. Big differences between 6th graders and 8th graders.

Don't subscribe to the philosophy that kids have to mature at the same rate and my beliefs and rules are what matter. My kid is 13 and just got an iPod. No cell phone, but can connect with people on Discord. I monitor of online activities. The only other online presence is a YouTube channel, where I review all submissions and comments. Kids can be really, really cruel no matter how you are different and your kid needs to develop a thicker skin to deal with things. I remind my kids of this all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

Right? The fat, fat, fat PP is nuts, nuts, nuts

Umm no I'm saying omg because I'm shocked it took her that long to figure it out. God I swear the disordered eating on this board is rampant. Kids need tons of fat. That's what they need for brain development. Her kid was in the 1st percentile because she was probably serving some weird low fat diet.

Nope, he had very small appetite and was in sports, even four hours per day. He did not want to eat, it was insanely hard to feed him. Once he heard it from a nutritionist, he took it seriously. But, yes, pros did tell me to feed him donuts, two burgers, add oil to everything. I have never fed him anything low fat before. I fed him a regular American/European diet, but he wanted soups and stews. He would eat two bowls of that and refuse the meat and potatoes, or rice and veggies. Both my kids have barely any appetite. I eat like a horse.

Well you said you "forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat". So why did you have to change?

To me, clean, healthy eating meant homemade. I made stews, soups, ribs, steaks, veggies, rice. I meant nutritionists said to buy donuts, buy burgers, buy fast food. It is likely a cultural misunderstanding. I am an immigrant, to me, that is clean eating if I make it, and it is not fast food, or store-bought cookies and donuts. Not, some gluten-free diet.
So, yes, partially, you are right. I used to make homemade cookies and cakes, then I had to cook at home and supplement with other foods. The nutritionist recommended adding fat to all my cooking and on top of it feeding DS second lunch and dinner like he is a hobbit. The second one was to be some version of fast food or store-bought food, as it had more calories and more fat than my home made version of the meal.
But, I am not joking about the fat. I was advised to add fat to everything. Spoons of oil, butter, etc, to every meal I made. This was Georgetown Pediatrics, not some youtube advice! I don't care what one pp wrote about fat. It worked, the proof is in the result. 5'11". Did I write that, right? From 1% in weight and height at 13. The proof is in the pudding, as the Brits say, no?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

Right? The fat, fat, fat PP is nuts, nuts, nuts

Umm no I'm saying omg because I'm shocked it took her that long to figure it out. God I swear the disordered eating on this board is rampant. Kids need tons of fat. That's what they need for brain development. Her kid was in the 1st percentile because she was probably serving some weird low fat diet.

Nope, he had very small appetite and was in sports, even four hours per day. He did not want to eat, it was insanely hard to feed him. Once he heard it from a nutritionist, he took it seriously. But, yes, pros did tell me to feed him donuts, two burgers, add oil to everything. I have never fed him anything low fat before. I fed him a regular American/European diet, but he wanted soups and stews. He would eat two bowls of that and refuse the meat and potatoes, or rice and veggies. Both my kids have barely any appetite. I eat like a horse.

Well you said you "forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat". So why did you have to change?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

Right? The fat, fat, fat PP is nuts, nuts, nuts

Umm no I'm saying omg because I'm shocked it took her that long to figure it out. God I swear the disordered eating on this board is rampant. Kids need tons of fat. That's what they need for brain development. Her kid was in the 1st percentile because she was probably serving some weird low fat diet.

Nope, he had very small appetite and was in sports, even four hours per day. He did not want to eat, it was insanely hard to feed him. Once he heard it from a nutritionist, he took it seriously. But, yes, pros did tell me to feed him donuts, two burgers, add oil to everything. I have never fed him anything low fat before. I fed him a regular American/European diet, but he wanted soups and stews. He would eat two bowls of that and refuse the meat and potatoes, or rice and veggies. Both my kids have barely any appetite. I eat like a horse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, I took DS to pediatric endo and started feeding him like nuts, because he was under 1% weight and height! He grew to 5'11" and would not have if I did not do that. I forgot anything about any clean, healthy eating and changed the way I think teens and kids should eat. Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat...

Omg

Right? The fat, fat, fat PP is nuts, nuts, nuts

Umm no I'm saying omg because I'm shocked it took her that long to figure it out. God I swear the disordered eating on this board is rampant. Kids need tons of fat. That's what they need for brain development. Her kid was in the 1st percentile because she was probably serving some weird low fat diet.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone ! OP here, this was a treat to read and nice to hear many comments and helpful advice.

To answer some of the questions - yes, she is pretty isolated and does not have many friends. She also tends to stick to one person and make that person her friend /idol / bff and does not branch out .

To make matters more complicated, we move every couple of years or work and she has to say bye to her friends. She stays connected to few friends via Zoom (they talk, draw in Zoom , or play games but all virtual). We moved again and school is virtual.

We are here main co-players (lots of cooking and board games etc).

This is your issue right here.

OP, your kid is only 10? My DD is 12 and hardly recognizable from her 10 y.o. 5th grade self. Kids go through some pretty dramatic transformations during these years. It’s scary but normal and necessary. Just enjoy her tree-climbing, slightly immature nature now and be prepared to go with the flow. (No pun intended.)