Good luck & speedy recovery for your DC. I had major surgery at 6, and though some parts were scary, mostly I remember it as a fun experience. Only now I know how scared my parents would have been, at that time, it was just a new adventure. xo

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For us that would be a no-brainer. We all pile into the hotel for whatever number of nights, and when one of us isn't at the hospital, the other works and cares for our other child doing virtual learning, in the hotel room.

I'm surprised you're focusing on how you might spend your hotel time, OP! If pediatric surgery is scheduled during a pandemic, and in-patient recovery is expected to last a few days, it must be very serious. Hotel time doesn't seem like the main question you should be concerned about.

Op here. Sorry, I guess I didn't word it correctly. I'm a nervous wreck and can't imagine NOT being with DS in his room. So when it's DH's shift, I'm worried about how I'm going to pass the time not being with DS. I understand with the pandemic they have these policies in place but it just feels unfair and since this is major surgery, I have no idea what to expect. I will take another PP's suggestion and ask the hospital staff what other families have done.

NP. Don't worry about it OP. This is what I assumed too. How can one stay in a hotel room while your child is in a hospital after major surgery and you can't be there. You are absolutely right to worry about your stress at that time. Some suggestions, download some game on your phone -

Sudoku or some puzzle game like that.

Schedule zoom or just audio calls with people that you genuinely like but haven't had a chance to have a long catch up. A zoom call with a close friend and a glass of wine can be relaxing on an evening when your DH is on night duty at the hospital

Do you have any hobbies? Knitting, crochet, or just some sketching/painting while watching something mindless on the TV

My thing to do would be to find if there is a hike available close by.


Dont forget to pack, extra battery pack for phones and a lot of healthy snacks. It would also be good to figure out the food situation at the hotel and hospital and see if you can pack some stuff for that.

OP, blessings to you, i have not gone through this with a child but have had to do so for older relatives and have a lot of doctors in my family, so just some thoughts about navigating the hospital stay.

one thing I would note is that you want to time your changes so they are NOT right at shift change (often 7 am or 7 pm). Whoever was on should stay through the shift change and then talk with the doctor/nurse when they round, to convey any information from the prior shift and ask any questions.

Figure out beforehand with DH a common note taking app or notebook or something that you will use and figure out common vocabulary you might need or common questions. Write everything down or use a recording device and then play back to jot down. It is hard to listen and write notes if you are just one person--my DH and I used to tag team, one person asking, one person writing. So think about how you can get info down accurately and still listen and ask questions. You should both write things down. Stress and sleep deprivation will make it hard to remember things. Plus it gives you a very structured way to manage information, even if it is hard/scary information, and it will all be in one place. If DC has problems you can jot down what you notice and what time, it will help if you have to report back to doctor or nurse later.

if you have time beforehand, maybe work with your child to identify a special small toy, maybe something that plays a song that you sing with him/to him? Then you can tell him in the hospital when he misses you and wishes you were there he can press that? I think there might be toys that will record special sounds, so you can record a song.or DH can do it on his phone.

download some meditation apps. Sometimes it's just too hard to sleep because of all the stress. try a few meditations when you get back to your hotel, even if you can't sleep, your body needs rest and your kid needs you to be strong for him. So lie down and close your eyes even though you know you will not be able to sleep.

Praying for you and your family as you go through this

No advice just hope all goes well op!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for all the responses. Having a child undergo surgery during "normal" times is stressful enough, let alone during a pandemic. Aside from the actual surgery, I worry about DS waking up in a strange room with only one of his parents. And I worry about the parent that can't be by his side the whole time. To one of the PPs, I do anticipate sobbing and worrying and praying. How much harder is that when you can't physically be with your child, to hold his hand and watch him breathe? So, thank you, I was not asking for tv show recommendations or any fun activities. I was asking how others would handle having to be away from your child since only one parent can be with him at a time.
To all the PP's with the kind words and helpful advice, thank you! You know how much helpful suggestions mean when someone comes on to DCUM and asks.

You sound like such a caring person. Your child is blessed to have you. I hope you can care for yourself too along the way. Is there a friend, relative, or clergy you can plan on calling during time away from the hospital? I'm wishing you and your family the best through all this.

Op here. Thank you for your kind thoughts and words. We have some family members we will be in touch with to keep them up to date. And to the other PPs, thank you. I was looking to learn from your experiences and you've already given me a lot of help to try to mentally prepare for the next two weeks.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you for all the responses. Having a child undergo surgery during "normal" times is stressful enough, let alone during a pandemic. Aside from the actual surgery, I worry about DS waking up in a strange room with only one of his parents. And I worry about the parent that can't be by his side the whole time. To one of the PPs, I do anticipate sobbing and worrying and praying. How much harder is that when you can't physically be with your child, to hold his hand and watch him breathe? So, thank you, I was not asking for tv show recommendations or any fun activities. I was asking how others would handle having to be away from your child since only one parent can be with him at a time.
To all the PP's with the kind words and helpful advice, thank you! You know how much helpful suggestions mean when someone comes on to DCUM and asks.

You sound like such a caring person. Your child is blessed to have you. I hope you can care for yourself too along the way. Is there a friend, relative, or clergy you can plan on calling during time away from the hospital? I'm wishing you and your family the best through all this.

Have had 3 kids in the hospital for stays, two in the ICU, all age 3 and under, but it was for illness, not surgery. (Had surgery last week on our 3 yo, but outpatient).

Honestly op, I am the DW and I wanted to be with my DC all the time, and I was, other than 30 min breaks in the morning to freshen up and the evening around dinner when DH would come sit instead. DH was fine with it as long as I kept him in the loop and he got to visit twice a day. In the cases of being in the ICU, I was insanely stressed and worried for the first 3 days, and then DC started recovering, but it was a slow recovery so stayed a total of 7 days. I was super bored and tired of the room by the end but still wanted to be the one to be there and not DH.

My DCs mostly slept when they were sick, and only why last 2 days of recovery they were feeling well enough to need to be entertained. I was bored and stressed and could keep my mind on reading books or movies until the last few days.

Wishing you and your DC the best, OP!

We had to do this during non Covid times but due to other circumstances, dh and I did split shifts. One of us did 10 to 5p and the other did 5p to 10a. That way we both got meal times and awake times. Ds mostly slept anyways. We facetimed the other parent too.

I will say though, Im an RN and am not much of a worrier. I did the day shift since it was better for me to be there for the doctors rounds etc since I would understand it better and knew more questions to ask. At night I was pretty calm.

Op here. Thank you for all the responses. Having a child undergo surgery during "normal" times is stressful enough, let alone during a pandemic. Aside from the actual surgery, I worry about DS waking up in a strange room with only one of his parents. And I worry about the parent that can't be by his side the whole time. To one of the PPs, I do anticipate sobbing and worrying and praying. How much harder is that when you can't physically be with your child, to hold his hand and watch him breathe? So, thank you, I was not asking for tv show recommendations or any fun activities. I was asking how others would handle having to be away from your child since only one parent can be with him at a time.
To all the PP's with the kind words and helpful advice, thank you! You know how much helpful suggestions mean when someone comes on to DCUM and asks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worrying about the shift change and what you will do during your hotel time?

I have had kids in the hospital when I had one and also when I had 3 kids.

I would let the person who has a more demanding job or work to do be in the hotel room.

When I was at the hospital, it was not common for both parents to be at the hospital at all times during recovery. DH worked and would visit our child at the hospital and sleep at the hospital. I would go during the day when other child(ren) were in school or I had a sitter. We could not have even one parent at the hospital at all times let alone 2.

When my first had surgery, I stayed at the hospital the entire time. DH would come and go and work. I saw many parents at the hospital trying to arrange care for their other kids. Be glad you don’t have to juggle other children at home or the other parent would definitely need to be home with other kids.

Not the OP, but my guess is she's worrying about this because she's actually worrying about her child undergoing what sounds like complex surgery, and she needs something to for her mind to work on.

Pp here. My child had multiple heart surgeries so I understand the worrying. I guess I was worrying my child may not make it and may die. I was not thinking about how to occupy my time. I spent most of my time sobbing in and out of the hospital before the surgery, during and after. I don’t remember how I slept or how I ate. I didn’t watch movies. I just cried.

Are you really on here criticizing how someone else is dealing with their worry?? Ok you get the gold star for being tougher, more practical, and worrying better. Well done.

I did not mean to sound insensitive.

During my last kid’s hospital stay, I would bring my child new books and gifts to entertain child during his stay. Being stuck in a hospital bed for days isn’t fun for kids. In the beginning, he mostly slept. Then he would watch some tv/iPad. I brought many new books and little toys that made him smile.

I have a 4yo now. There are a million things that she would love to hold and play with.

Personally it’d depend on the kid. One of my kids is way more attached to me an for him I’d try to be there the large majority with just a couple hour break to regroup at hotel. Other kid feeds off my husbands energy much better. He’d want me for comfort if he was miserable but dh if he was feeling pretty ok. For him we would prob split more evenly. I think you’ll sense what your kids needs in the moment so give them that to extent possible with some breaks of course