We have been living abroad in expat circles (US Foreign Service) and everyone says everyone else cheats but I don't know of real situations. But I"m not really "in" the groups, either. I wonder if people just live closer lives so know more about each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.

In my family, more than I’d admit. I think my cousin is now in an open marriage after her DH cheated and had two kids outside of wedlock and then she cheated when she found out. Maybe 1/4 of my cousins.

In my friend group, not many. Much more, physical abuse and financial control. Most affairs I know of ended with divorce. The abused wives are the ones staying. Maybe three female friends were the OW at some point. One is a serial OW, but otherwise a really lovely person.

A serial OW is otherwise a really lovely person? This blows my mind.

Anonymous wrote:My social circle? None. Work colleagues? A ton. They talk and you saw them at lunch with AP or going for drinks with each other at the end of the day. They’re not too discreet either because usually it was with someone at the same agency. Since Covid not sure how they carry on with their shenanigans though.

Yes, same situation. But that makes me think cheating is far more rampant. I mean, of course when we are out with couples they aren't going to be straying in front of each other, but then I see the same type of people on work conferences and trips and they are definitely cheating.

Point is, I have no earthly clue, and for men especially, if they are attractive and have opportunities, they have probably all strayed at some point. Monogamy seems like a charade but better than the alternative.

Anonymous wrote:I had never heard of any cheating until I married my DH.

His uncles had cheated on their wives. His best friend actively cheats on his wife. One of his bosses cheats on his wife.

My husband cheated as well.

In my family, more than I’d admit. I think my cousin is now in an open marriage after her DH cheated and had two kids outside of wedlock and then she cheated when she found out. Maybe 1/4 of my cousins.

In my friend group, not many. Much more, physical abuse and financial control. Most affairs I know of ended with divorce. The abused wives are the ones staying. Maybe three female friends were the OW at some point. One is a serial OW, but otherwise a really lovely person.

My social circle? None. Work colleagues? A ton. They talk and you saw them at lunch with AP or going for drinks with each other at the end of the day. They’re not too discreet either because usually it was with someone at the same agency. Since Covid not sure how they carry on with their shenanigans though.

To my knowledge, cheating is uncommon in our circle of friends (College and close work).

Mostly intact marriages - not always glorious, but together and caring.
Out of about 18 husband/wife couples (across past 20 years of friendships) about eight divorces two of which were specifically due to cheating.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is the OW (we don't know the guy). I have told her I don't think it's ok.

Good. I would also tell her you don't want to hear anymore about it. Make your stance. Don't be a shoulder to cry on or bounce stuff off of regarding this disgusting behavior. If she continues talking about it, I would stop seeing her.

I have a friend who is the OW (we don't know the guy). I have told her I don't think it's ok.

I know some poly people who are in multiple relationships (all without any apparent issues), but zero people who I know are cheating.

None in my social circle. At work, plenty of women are sleeping with managers, trying to get promotions.

Anonymous wrote:I wrote the above, and one thing I think people confuse is cheating with affairs. Something around half of people have cheated but not that many or even close are having an active affair. Those are much more rare.

tomato tamahto

cheating is an affair, even if its one night stands

I only mind my own marriage.

I have no idea! Most of our friends have been married for 25+ years and if someone is cheating they are doing a good job hiding out. My husband believes that cheaters can pick out other cheaters. I do have some friends who are in sexless marriages but they don’t seem like the affair types. I

I wrote the above, and one thing I think people confuse is cheating with affairs. Something around half of people have cheated but not that many or even close are having an active affair. Those are much more rare.

When I was traveling for work it was rampant. To the point even I was shocked and I am not naive. without the work travel, I don't see it as much anymore, but just because I don't see it doesn't mean it's going on or not. I tend to think cheating is very situational, combine people out of town from their spouse with drinking and attractive options and it's bound to happen eventually