Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 16:12     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Anonymous wrote:DH just got a job offer in NYC. I’m a SAHM of 3 kids. I am from NY and want to move back. The money is better but DH will definitely have longer hours and a much longer commute. He currently has a 15-20 min commute now, even with traffic 30-40 min max. If we moved to NY, DH doesn’t want to live in the city so his commute would be an hour. He doesn’t think we can go from a large single family house with family room, basement and large yard to a 3 bedroom apartment in the city.

Would you move back to NY?

My family and friends live in NY. I feel like I want to move back for my own selfish reasons but not sure if it would be best for DH and the kids.


I’d rather live in a 3br apt in NYC than a house in either the VA or NY suburbs.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 16:09     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
I'm in the NJ suburbs now in a commuter town 45 mins - 1 hour from the city. Would your husband really be commuting 5 days a week right now? No one here is anymore that work in the city because of Covid and most companies are not going back to full 5 day in office whenever this is over. But with that said our home vaules have skyrocketed with people leaving the city for more space with the new WFH life. And yes our taxes are high but the schools are great.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 16:07     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Some school districts in the burbs of nyc are top notch. proper9 taxes are high and these small, locally controlled districts are spending 20k plus per pupil every year. Look at the district you want within the commute time you can handle.

Where is the office? Westchester burbs generally take metro north into grand central station on the east side and li and nj go into penn station on the west side. This is assuming commute will be via train.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:52     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Any chance he can negotiate for some telework?
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:34     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Taxes are higher in NY. Also costs of taking commuter trains or bridge/tunnel fees/gas/parking - all are much higher in that region than VA. It adds up so make sure that is calculated into your decision.

I grew up in NY suburb. Westchester or Bergen are nice; I was in Rockland and it was not so great..
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:29     Subject: Re:Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
I prefer the New York area. I agree with the suggestion to try negotiating a day or two of WFH.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:24     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Anonymous wrote:New Yorkers are insufferable, so I'd stay in Virginia.


+10000
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:13     Subject: Re:Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
We lived in New Canaan CT for a long time and our next door neighbor commuted every day into lower Manhattan. He’d leave home before dawn and get home after sunset. He must have spent 3-4 hours commuting every day. Soul sucking if you ask me.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:10     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Anonymous wrote:Where in NYC will his job be? If it's near Grand Central some of the close in Westchester towns would be good. My sister lives in Larchmont near the train station so she walks there and is at GC in 30 minutes then a 5 minute walk to the office. Granted, it's probably close to an hour, door to door, but Westchester is much better living than the souless VA burbs.


I agree with this. If you work within a few blocks of GC there are some tunnels you can take during bad weather.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:09     Subject: Re:Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Neither.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:08     Subject: Re:Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
If he’s going to be working long hours with 1+ hour commute each way, within two years of returning to full-time in-office he’ll be renting an apartment near the office and only coming home on weekends.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:06     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What part of ny did you grow up in? I think it depends. I live in Va now, and I’m not really seeing much reason to stay, TBH. Schools are much better in the NY/NJ suburbs. I would probably want to live in NJ or CT not in Westchester. In Long Island, I’d do garden city.


I am from Long Island. My parents still live in Long Island. I am open to where we would live. I love Manhattan. This decision is not about money but DH would make more than enough to cover the cost of living difference.

This decision will be based mostly on where we want to raise our family. I feel I have clouded judgment because I miss my family and my parents are getting old and in poor health. The move would be better for me but not so sure if it is better for the rest of our family.


Your kids are better off having their dad with them 6+ additional hours a week. Nothing else you've mentioned has a clear benefit or downside for them.


Commute is definitely biggest negative factor - but other benefit not mentioned for kids and all is being close to grandparents and other family. This is usually a benefit for kids and parents having support is a benefit for kids. Any way he can negotiate more telework so he can mitigate some of the commute issues?


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 15:04     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
I'm from VA, raising kids in the NY area. There are absolutely pros to both but I would be extremely hesitant to give up a 15 minute commute! That's a huge decline in quality of life and availability for the kids. Not sure the pay increase could make that up for him.

I do love the community feel that the small towns up here provide, and the schools are generally very good and the nature/parks/rec areas are lovely. I feel like the day to day driving (to sports, stores etc, i.e. not the commute itself) is better here than in the DC suburbs. BUT it's expensive, high taxes and yes as a PP mentioned, it's COLD.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 14:21     Subject: Re:Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
NY hands down. The people in the DMV are so weird. They think they're midwestern and wholesome but they're totally insecure and screwed up, delicate as crap, can't take a joke. We're leaving as soon as the pandemic is over.
Anonymous
Post 01/20/2021 14:18     Subject: Would you rather raise kids in NY or VA?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What part of ny did you grow up in? I think it depends. I live in Va now, and I’m not really seeing much reason to stay, TBH. Schools are much better in the NY/NJ suburbs. I would probably want to live in NJ or CT not in Westchester. In Long Island, I’d do garden city.


I am from Long Island. My parents still live in Long Island. I am open to where we would live. I love Manhattan. This decision is not about money but DH would make more than enough to cover the cost of living difference.

This decision will be based mostly on where we want to raise our family. I feel I have clouded judgment because I miss my family and my parents are getting old and in poor health. The move would be better for me but not so sure if it is better for the rest of our family.


Your kids are better off having their dad with them 6+ additional hours a week. Nothing else you've mentioned has a clear benefit or downside for them.


Depends - is he an involved Dad? Or is it the typical SAHM+workaholic DH setup, in which case him being around less doesn’t make much of a difference, and it’s more than compensated for by family around. Also, OP, how involved would your family be?