Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Former very picky eater here myself, and one of my kids also was very picky until late teens. My parents forced me to eat a little of everything, and I in turn did not force my kid to eat anything - neither approach worked better than the other . We both expanded our palates naturally somewhat in high school and even more so in college and looking back I think “peer pressure” (not wanting to stand out or get left out) was the biggest reason, although some was probably palate maturity, too.

+1 This is me. Around middle school, I became embarrassed that I was the only person who scraped the onions off her hamburgers, didn't eat tomatoes or any lettuce, or anything green other than pickles. I doused a salad with Italian dressing one day and found that it wasn't disgusting. 30 years later, I will eat anything that is delicious, which is almost anything well-made.

I have a friend whose son was incredibly picky all the way through middle school, with only about a dozen very bland foods he would eat, and no interest in trying anything else. He just wouldn't eat if his preferred foods weren't on the menu. She finally gave up trying to convince him, and did her own thing while he did his. I gather his dad was similar, even as an adult, which probably didn't help. When he was at his dad's house they ate the same two or three things every time, so a limited diet seemed fine to him.

But apparently it was an interest in girls that started him branching out a bit, when he realized that his dates were going to think it was weird that even ketchup had too much flavor for him! By college, he was eating normally, even kind of adventurously.

Anonymous wrote:Former very picky eater here myself, and one of my kids also was very picky until late teens. My parents forced me to eat a little of everything, and I in turn did not force my kid to eat anything - neither approach worked better than the other . We both expanded our palates naturally somewhat in high school and even more so in college and looking back I think “peer pressure” (not wanting to stand out or get left out) was the biggest reason, although some was probably palate maturity, too.

+1 This is me. Around middle school, I became embarrassed that I was the only person who scraped the onions off her hamburgers, didn't eat tomatoes or any lettuce, or anything green other than pickles. I doused a salad with Italian dressing one day and found that it wasn't disgusting. 30 years later, I will eat anything that is delicious, which is almost anything well-made.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Firstly you need to stop calling this kid "picky" or "fussy". She probably has a more developed sensitivity to taste and / or texture than the rest of you.

My DS won't eat certain things and is allergic to other things. If I can't build a family meal around him I make sure that he has alternatives.

FFS it is not that hard.

FFS this is how you raise a picky eater.

You need to smarten up numb-nuts
https://sites.psu.edu/siowfa15/2015/12/04/why-do-we-hate-certain-foods/

My picky eater will not eat vegetables (other than corn or potatoes) and nothing that is mixed such as a stew, casserole or stir fry. He will eat any red meat, chicken and pork if fried or breaded and no sea food. Pasta, potatoes and rice are great but just plain or with butter no sauce. We have had a breakthrough in the past year that he eat his cheeseburger with the special aioli that came with it. He had ordered it plain but when it came out with the sauce on it he was too embarrassed to send it back. Then the next time we went to the same restaurant he ordered the burger again with the sauce!! I know this seems small but it was the first time he admitted that the different flavor was good. So to give you hope my picky eater is slowly adding different foods to his very bland diet. My picky eater started his picky eating around age 10 and just turned 46.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has older kids 19, 15 and 12. Her rules never change . You eat what I give you for dinner or you sit there till it’s gone. Anything over 30 minutes after others are done is a strike from her belt. Every 30 minutes they sit extra the belt hitting doubles. It’s been years since she has had to use the belt at meal time.

Picky eating is going to be the least of these kids' problems as adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so concerned about what other people think about your child’s eating? The obsession with food in this country is crazy. Food is fuel to some people. Not everyone enjoys watching football, not everyone enjoys a wide range of foods. People are different. Let your kid be who she is.

Part of parenting is raising a child who can be in the world without a ton of anxiety related to things like eating. Kids who are picky can't travel easily, spend time at other people's houses without worry, and so on. You are just setting them up for future problems if you indulge this stuff beyond acknowledging some preferences.

What?? No. Picky kids adapt.

I have an extremely picky 16 year old. She is the carb queen. Everything she eats is white. She probably hasn't had a vegetable in months. She's been this way since she was a toddler. She's getting slightly better as she gets older but she's still extremely picky.

She manages just fine at other people's houses and traveling. She's been to France, Italy, Mexico, DR, and many other places and managed not to starve. Yes, some meals out all she eats is bread and I don't care.

I was extremely picky growing up as well and now I eat almost anything. She will hopefully grow out of it eventually but I'll let her do that on her own time. You can't force it and it's not a battle I'm going to fight with her. There are so many other issues affecting teens that I'm not making this one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so concerned about what other people think about your child’s eating? The obsession with food in this country is crazy. Food is fuel to some people. Not everyone enjoys watching football, not everyone enjoys a wide range of foods. People are different. Let your kid be who she is.

Part of parenting is raising a child who can be in the world without a ton of anxiety related to things like eating. Kids who are picky can't travel easily, spend time at other people's houses without worry, and so on. You are just setting them up for future problems if you indulge this stuff beyond acknowledging some preferences.

I’m a 50 year old very picky eater and get in just fine. Have travelled the world. Almost every place has plain rice or a piece if chicken or fish. I’m happy to eat anywhere I just don’t go for the food, I go to be with my friends. I am well raised and can politely eat something I do not like if I must but I wouldn’t choose it. Different people like and value different things. I have friends who go to Paris just to shop. I ah e friends who go to Paris to eat. I go to Paris for the history and the bread. Who’s right and who’s wrong? I’d rather have a granola bar or something simple and sight see than spend an hour eating a meal in Quito. The more you try to make your children like you, the more they feel like they are flawed, the more they will resent you. If you let up on the judgment and the pressure maybe she will come to some things on her own.

A funny story that might give you hope: My cousin, now in his 50s, was so picky growing up that he basically only ate hamburgers. He had the opportunity to travel to Spain with his class - I think this was in middle school, and he really wanted to go. His mom told him that he would have to eat other things besides hamburgers there and *he decided not to go* - that’s how picky he was!

He now travels the world for his job and eats everything, even exotic foods I would never want to look at, let alone eat. When his mother told me this story it gave me hope for my own picky kid (I’m the PP above).

A lot of kids grow out of pickiness gradually and naturally.

My 16 year old was very picky at 10, and now he eats just about everything but seafood (takes after me that way). Like you, I never really pushed the issue because he did really enjoy his favorite select foods and I wanted mealtime to be a peaceful, stress-free experience; I never wanted there to be a negative association.

So if he wanted nuggets and PB&J I toyed to buy the healthiest options with the least sugar. Then, I tried to create a bridge between things he liked and new foods — for example, he loved hamburgers so I had him try very plain meatloaf to start, or we segued from chicken nuggets to breaded cutlets to chicken Parmesan (since he also liked tomato sauce and cheese)...it was very gradual.

This coincided with him learning about nutrition in school and wanting to be healthy, which also got him to be a bit more open-minded — and as he got older and more mature, his palate just kind of evolved. But when he was 10 and only wanting “kid food” I never would’ve believed that he would be eating whatever I put on the table, for the most part.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so concerned about what other people think about your child’s eating? The obsession with food in this country is crazy. Food is fuel to some people. Not everyone enjoys watching football, not everyone enjoys a wide range of foods. People are different. Let your kid be who she is.

Part of parenting is raising a child who can be in the world without a ton of anxiety related to things like eating. Kids who are picky can't travel easily, spend time at other people's houses without worry, and so on. You are just setting them up for future problems if you indulge this stuff beyond acknowledging some preferences.

Why are you so concerned about what other people think about your child’s eating? The obsession with food in this country is crazy. Food is fuel to some people. Not everyone enjoys watching football, not everyone enjoys a wide range of foods. People are different. Let your kid be who she is.

Anonymous wrote:Firstly you need to stop calling this kid "picky" or "fussy". She probably has a more developed sensitivity to taste and / or texture than the rest of you.

My DS won't eat certain things and is allergic to other things. If I can't build a family meal around him I make sure that he has alternatives.

FFS it is not that hard.

FFS this is how you raise a picky eater.

mom of fraternal teens here. Both girls One has been a healthy adventurous eater--and was a champ nurser--all her life. The other barely seemed to care about nursing, always eats only one serving of anything, and will immediately stop the second she is full. That includes turning down ice cream or cake if she is not hungry. She has a decent range of foods she likes but often still will only eat plain pasta and salad for dinner. Twins had exactly the same environment so it shows you can't really control these things. And the light eater is half an inch taller (although about 10 pounds lighter) than her twin sister.

My 12 year old daughter sounds exactly like yours, OP. She doesn't eat lox or shrimp, but she will eat fried calamari. Go figure. We've tried an OT who helps her to branch out with limited success. The biggest worry I have is how much self control she has when there's nothing she likes on the table. She once lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks at sleepaway camp, which really scared me. The next year we sent her with chocolate protein drinks and belvitas to supplement the meals, and she did much better.

She has a clicking jaw, and the food therapist said that they way she chews might make chewy foods more difficult to eat. And she almost suffocated from croup as a five year old. She is also by nature a suspicious person. The food therapist thought that any or all of these factors could contribute to her pickiness. We've tried a lot of things but she is still stuck in a rut.

Still, she is clearly thriving in terms of growth and energy level, and she is a very healthy weight. Reading these posts makes me think I need to back off a little and hope things get better at some point in the future.

(All me other kids, whom I have raised exactly the same, are adventurous eaters. So I don't think it's my food.)

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has older kids 19, 15 and 12. Her rules never change . You eat what I give you for dinner or you sit there till it’s gone. Anything over 30 minutes after others are done is a strike from her belt. Every 30 minutes they sit extra the belt hitting doubles. It’s been years since she has had to use the belt at meal time.

Yeah OP, just beat her! Why didn’t you think of that?!?