I’m going to disagree with PPs. OP is not “loaded” and taking in a 7k/mo mortgage, even with the mother’s contribution (it’s not really rent, it’s wealth transfer assigned as rent, and I’m actually not even sure calling it rent us the most tax advantageous plan, but anyway).

You are dual income. I don’t know how stable your jobs are or what percent of your incomes is a variable bonus, but I would be wary of taking on a mortgage you need both incomes to afford. There are lots of things that can come up with three kids, aging parents, and even your own health as you enter middle age. If one of you lost your job, had to go without your bonus, had to take a leave of absence, you will be looking at dipping into savings or having to make some tough choices around your kids schooling. You don’t want to be in that position.

I would look to limit your housing costs to something you could reasonably afford on one salary with about half your mom’s contribution. That will give you far more financial flexibility. At 40, you nay be stepping up in income sometime this decade, in which case you could feasibly upgrade. But at your current HHI I would not go up to a 7k mortgage yet.

Anonymous wrote:Dual Income: $450-$475K
2 kids in private school: $70K
Net worth $3M (excluding $$ for down payment) and kid's 529s will be fully funded by their grandparents - maximum gift contributions.
25% down on a 1.8M house
We're 40.

The mortgage will be $7K/month, but my mother will be living with us and contributing in approximately $2-$2.5K in rent.

You are a parasite. Gross.

Rich white people problems. Lol

My HHI is $800 and I had a child in an expensive middle school, so I know what that is like and I have a high PITIT ($5000). I also have my dad living with me, and while he doesn't pay rent, it makes him feel better to give us a bunch of cash periodically (more like a few hundred here and there), so I just say thanks and take it. In any event, I think that is a lot to take on at your age. Just consider how it will limit your ability to make decisions down the road. I've felt stuck at my high paying job, even when things at work were borderline intolerable because of my mortgage, child's private school (which she loved), and I have a special needs child) and it is not a great place to be.

Yeah, you're loaded. Not sure why you'd seek advice from people like us. Good that you’ll be living with your mom. My brother lives with our elderly dad, saving him from nursing home, and my dad pays for my brother who is unable to work due to disabling mental health issues. It’s been a good arrangement all around, and we are barely wealthily. Just lucky to support each other.

OP: I'm taken aback by the visceral comments about the "rent." Thank you those who brought up productive comments to consider such as future cost of assisting living, factoring potential concerns with going down to one salary, etc.

As some of you have figured out, my mother is financially doing more than a-okay. I'm not fleecing anyone. What she needs is family and companionship. And I'd prefer to give that to her without her having to sacrifice her comfort, her safety, or add a significant amount of commuting time, or anyone's sanity. And she would prefer to give us "rent" or call it a tax-free gift, kid's tuition, or whatever you'd like to call it...

Bad karma would be putting her someplace that she didn't want to be. Bad karma would be my husband resenting me because his commute is much longer and he can't see his kids as much as he'd like.

Can you buy a nice house in the city with a suite for your mom at $1.8? Seems you would need to spend way more than that.

Anonymous wrote:Back to what OP actually asked about. It seems tight to me because of your insane private school expense. But you have a 3m cushion if things don’t work out. Personally, we make more spent less on a house and send our kids public.

It comes down to priorities. Some people prioritize private education over other things.

You are loaded.

Back to what OP actually asked about. It seems tight to me because of your insane private school expense. But you have a 3m cushion if things don’t work out. Personally, we make more spent less on a house and send our kids public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would definitely make sure that if you need your mom's rent money, that she still has enough to pay for in-home care. That can run 12K/month.

So many people are unprepared for the reality of how expensive elder care is, and with people living longer, how much more it is needed.

+1. Save the "rent" from your mom in a separate account. She may need it again.

Better still let her save it till she is sound of mind.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would definitely make sure that if you need your mom's rent money, that she still has enough to pay for in-home care. That can run 12K/month.

So many people are unprepared for the reality of how expensive elder care is, and with people living longer, how much more it is needed.

+1. Save the "rent" from your mom in a separate account. She may need it again.

OP, I would definitely make sure that if you need your mom's rent money, that she still has enough to pay for in-home care. That can run 12K/month.

So many people are unprepared for the reality of how expensive elder care is, and with people living longer, how much more it is needed.

Anonymous wrote:People all butt hurt about their mom contributing 2k but how is that any different than your parents gifting you the 15k annual exclusion, paying for grandkids college or private school, or ultimately inheriting their money when they die.

I don’t get why people frown on parents choosing to provide their adult children with money while they can enjoy. I would much rather be given money no while I’m raising a family than inherit millions when I’m already retired (assuming parents live into their 80s).

+1. Also a way of making things feel more “fair” between siblings if one is stepping up more to care for mom. My parents moved in with my sister because she still lives in their hometown. They contributed to help buy a bigger home that everyone could live in, and they don’t pay “rent” but contribute essentially an equivalent amount to help cover household groceries and expenses. Everyone is happy and we are all grateful to my sister for helping my parents in this way as they age.

People all butt hurt about their mom contributing 2k but how is that any different than your parents gifting you the 15k annual exclusion, paying for grandkids college or private school, or ultimately inheriting their money when they die.

I don’t get why people frown on parents choosing to provide their adult children with money while they can enjoy. I would much rather be given money no while I’m raising a family than inherit millions when I’m already retired (assuming parents live into their 80s).