Everything will be fine, but this process changes people permanently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son was deferred from 7 schools right before the holidays--two of them were safeties--and has no acceptances yet. He is very depressed and has given up on school and everything else, over three weeks later. It's awful. I feel for you, but it could be worse!

I want to know what these “safeties” were and how your son was rejected from them.

Your son needs some safer safeties. The good news is that they need him too. The applications are usually easier to complete and many are free. Lots of rolling admissions. Look at the list of colleges that still need students from last May as a guide. Some surprises on there. Some of those deferrals will come through too.

What is the list of colleges that still need students?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son was deferred from 7 schools right before the holidays--two of them were safeties--and has no acceptances yet. He is very depressed and has given up on school and everything else, over three weeks later. It's awful. I feel for you, but it could be worse!

I want to know what these “safeties” were and how your son was rejected from them.

Your son needs some safer safeties. The good news is that they need him too. The applications are usually easier to complete and many are free. Lots of rolling admissions. Look at the list of colleges that still need students from last May as a guide. Some surprises on there. Some of those deferrals will come through too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Is there reason to believe he was rejected due to his race (i.e., Asian)?

Oof, I can relate to this. I was waitlisted by Princeton, and the most enraging aspect is that I might have been admitted if I were born a different race or had lied about my race.

What a sad comment. I feel like the people who were admitted to Princeton your year likely took better advantage of their time there than you would have.

Not on average, judging by outcomes.

Definitely not on average for the lowest decile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Is there reason to believe he was rejected due to his race (i.e., Asian)?

Oof, I can relate to this. I was waitlisted by Princeton, and the most enraging aspect is that I might have been admitted if I were born a different race or had lied about my race.

What a sad comment. I feel like the people who were admitted to Princeton your year likely took better advantage of their time there than you would have.

Not on average, judging by outcomes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Is there reason to believe he was rejected due to his race (i.e., Asian)?

Oof, I can relate to this. I was waitlisted by Princeton, and the most enraging aspect is that I might have been admitted if I were born a different race or had lied about my race.

How do you like about your race unless you physically look like the fake race?

Grandparent/more distant ancestor on mother's side.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my son was deferred from 7 schools right before the holidays--two of them were safeties--and has no acceptances yet. He is very depressed and has given up on school and everything else, over three weeks later. It's awful. I feel for you, but it could be worse!

I want to know what these “safeties” were and how your son was rejected from them.

From Indiana Jones....

"Ya lost today kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it"

You have to put yourself out there if you want to win. Some people will only apply to safeties while others are willing to apply to reach schools. Applaud their willingness to try.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if your son has been open with his friends, and it sounds like he’s already doing fine, but my kid felt better after learning that several high-performing friends didn’t get in to their first-choice school either. They commiserated together, even dropped homemade cookies at each other’s doorsteps, and then hunkered down to write the rest of their applications. I’m hoping my kid gets into UMD soon (the next school on her list that will send out results) so she knows she has a place to go somewhere, but I think that after the pandemic and everything else this past year, this is a crop of strong kids who can handle college uncertainty better than many adults!

This was my DS's experience too (minus the cookies, add playing online games together). Misery definitely loves company in this situation. The initial sting was pretty bad, but soon the messages were flying fast between him and a couple of friends and he found out several others weren't admitted and he didn't feel so alone. I'd say he moped for a few days saying, "I'm not going to get in anywhere.' Then he got back to essay writing.

I thought my senior year was sh-tty because the guy I liked dated my friend and that miserable PE teacher Ms. Barley gave me a B, which messed up my GPA. One day these kids are going to have some story to tell their kids if they have any.

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Sorry to hear about your son’s rejection. Every person is different so hopefully he bounces back from it soon. “Everything happens for a reason” might not be comforting now, but college decision season has just started so something even better may be waiting for your DS.

Anecdotally, I was rejected from my top choice over a decade ago. It turned out to be great because I went to another university for free for two years and then transferred into the top choice that rejected me when I was a HS senior. When I applied to graduate school, I was accepted to every university that rejected me for college. I always wondered if they pulled up my college application and compared it to my college performance. I fully got over it probably when I received all those acceptances and realized it was their loss for not realizing my potential all those years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Is there reason to believe he was rejected due to his race (i.e., Asian)?

Oof, I can relate to this. I was waitlisted by Princeton, and the most enraging aspect is that I might have been admitted if I were born a different race or had lied about my race.

What a sad comment. I feel like the people who were admitted to Princeton your year likely took better advantage of their time there than you would have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

Is there reason to believe he was rejected due to his race (i.e., Asian)?

Oof, I can relate to this. I was waitlisted by Princeton, and the most enraging aspect is that I might have been admitted if I were born a different race or had lied about my race.

How do you like about your race unless you physically look like the fake race?

I don’t know if your son has been open with his friends, and it sounds like he’s already doing fine, but my kid felt better after learning that several high-performing friends didn’t get in to their first-choice school either. They commiserated together, even dropped homemade cookies at each other’s doorsteps, and then hunkered down to write the rest of their applications. I’m hoping my kid gets into UMD soon (the next school on her list that will send out results) so she knows she has a place to go somewhere, but I think that after the pandemic and everything else this past year, this is a crop of strong kids who can handle college uncertainty better than many adults!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We managed expectations way ahead of time. We also had the benefit of watching other families at her small private go through the process. Every year there are one or two families that enter the application season with the attitude that their kid’s grades and scores match the grades and scores for xyz very selective institutions so those are their target schools. Those kids typically had tough admissions seasons. If a school has a single digit percentage of acceptances, it is not a target. Our daughter loved an in state school that is tough to get into. She decided to apply ED to her first choice and she applied EA to two other instate schools and she applied to a rolling admission safety.

If she wasn’t accepted to her ED, she had one reach and one out of state target to apply to.

This post is scornful of other families. That's never a good look.

I don't see the PP as scornful. The strategy outlined is exactly what many people do. Pinning your hopes on HYSP sets your kid up for disappointment. By all means they should apply, but with the attitude that if they get in, it's a pleasant surprise. Schools with less than 20% admission is not a target for anyone unless you are a recruited athlete.