Anonymous
Post 01/10/2021 16:16     Subject: Maternity leave - Not taking it all
Anonymous wrote:Hi All,

Just wanted to get some advice. I am expecting in April, my employer offers 16 weeks maternity leave. Unfortunately, my husband was laid off last year and has been unable to find a new job since November.

Given our situation, although I am entitled to 16 weeks, we can't financially afford it (it's not fully paid) if my husband doesn't find a new job by April.


For those of you that went back to work pretty early after maternity leave, how did you feel, how soon did you return? Realistically speaking with our finances, it be good if I only took a month max..maybe 6 weeks but that's really pushing it. I realize this comes with a lot of challenges but it is what it is with our financial situation. I don't intend on having a C-section but obviously things can happen.

Any helpful advice would be great.


I went back after 12 weeks because that's all I was entitled to, and it was horrible. My kid had horrible reflux and could never sleep for more than 20 min at a time, so I had such a terrible sleep deficit that I was actually a hazard to myself and to others at my job. The only blessing is that I was able to take metro to work, because if I had to drive, I would 100% crashed into someone.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2021 16:10     Subject: Maternity leave - Not taking it all
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I did not take all of my leave and I did not regret it.

As for advice, I would suggest that you wean the baby before you go back. After 4-6 weeks, lots of the benefits of BF have already been achieved. Pumping and working sucks, and if you are BF it is much harder for your DH to take night duty.

My second suggestion is that your DH take all of the overnight shifts so you can sleep. Trying to work while sleep deprived is awful.

My third suggestion is to be really kind to yourself and do not let people guilt trip you. You are going to get a lot of people telling you that (a) you will regret this, (b) you are harming your baby, (c) you don't love your baby, or (d) you are a bad mother for leaving your baby. Ignore these people and have confidence that you are doing what you need to do for you family and for your baby because you love your family and your baby. That is what a good mother does.


Thank you for this kind and thoughtful response



Agree about the overnight shifts. Try to make this happen. If you can get a full night's rest your whole leave, it'll go a long way toward healing.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2021 13:41     Subject: Maternity leave - Not taking it all
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I took 6 weeks off with both of my kids. All that was available. I survived fine and so will you OP. The thought of having an 8 week old and never cleaning the house is laughable.


Abused kids also turn out fine- some of them. Some women with only 6 weeks dont do well but I guess we all have to live by your good luck and fortune.

Even ACOG recognizes that 6 weeks is abysmal- not fine. BECAUSE we say we survived thats all we ever get.


You’re not wrong that America sucks at this. But that doesn’t really help OP - she can’t change leave policies before she gives birth or she would have done that instead of posting here.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 17:26     Subject: Maternity leave - Not taking it all
Anonymous wrote:I took 6 weeks off with both of my kids. All that was available. I survived fine and so will you OP. The thought of having an 8 week old and never cleaning the house is laughable.


Abused kids also turn out fine- some of them. Some women with only 6 weeks dont do well but I guess we all have to live by your good luck and fortune.

Even ACOG recognizes that 6 weeks is abysmal- not fine. BECAUSE we say we survived thats all we ever get.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 17:16     Subject: Re:Maternity leave - Not taking it all
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I was in your shoes two years ago. My husband has been laid off when his company closed and I was expecting my first. I was also a new fed with little leave saved up. Any leave I took would have been unpaid. I think one thing that many of the posters forget when they say “get any job” is that employers are hesitant to hire people who have had corporate careers and just need to fill a gap. My husband applied for retail and Amazon and even as a census worker and never got a call back from one.


Male up a fake resume, lie, list your buddies as former bosses, etc.

Family comes first.


Lie? Until you get caught and are fired.


We are talking about a short term blue collar restaurant or driving or factory type job. Nobody will be checking your info that closely
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 16:39     Subject: Re:Maternity leave - Not taking it all
I went back at 8 weeks with both kids. It was fine. I was a zombie for a while but was a zombie at home anyway. It wasn’t ideal but it was not a huge deal. Also if your husband is home you won’t have to worry about a tiny baby in daycare. You should be ok.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2021 15:52     Subject: Re:Maternity leave - Not taking it all
I didn’t take my full leave and I’m so glad I didn’t. I landed a huge deal in those three weeks and cemented my employment. I am working from home and have a lot of help (nanny and my mom was here).