Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

DP. How much one on one time does your child get? Answer that first before PP does.

It is ridiculous that some of you think that you spend so much more time with your 2 vs. parents with 3. I would argue that many with 2 actually spend less time with their kids if the kids are closer in age.

My kids get non-stop attention as I am a SAHM and my husband works from home and shares an office with the kids and is very hands on. Since we aren't socializing with others, they are our full attention. We have never had a babysitter or nanny (though I am not against them but never had the need) nor a lot of family help (we do have friends/neighbors who will help in an emergency).

What about when you are socializing with others? And how much less of your "full attention" do you think your kids would get if there were 3 instead of 2?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

DP. How much one on one time does your child get? Answer that first before PP does.

It is ridiculous that some of you think that you spend so much more time with your 2 vs. parents with 3. I would argue that many with 2 actually spend less time with their kids if the kids are closer in age.

My kids get non-stop attention as I am a SAHM and my husband works from home and shares an office with the kids and is very hands on. Since we aren't socializing with others, they are our full attention. We have never had a babysitter or nanny (though I am not against them but never had the need) nor a lot of family help (we do have friends/neighbors who will help in an emergency).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think they hire help and don't really even see their kids that much, so they don't think about it being a big deal...

That’s not at all what I see. We have three as do lots of our friends. One of ours has special needs. We had daycare and sometimes we had a cleaner, but not usually. Most of the people we know had a similar level of help. We spend lots of time with our kids and we had them because we love kids. I never thought it was that hard.

What do you consider lots of time? How much 1-1 time does each child get a day, week with each parent?

DP. How much one on one time does your child get? Answer that first before PP does.

It is ridiculous that some of you think that you spend so much more time with your 2 vs. parents with 3. I would argue that many with 2 actually spend less time with their kids if the kids are closer in age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because we like kids? What a weird question.

But do you have time for them? Energy? I like my kid, his friends, my nephews, but I don’t have the energy for more than one. Trying to understand if I am just weak.

DP. It does not sound like you have enough energy for one. So why did you have any? Mind your business.

Love kids and tried for a 4th but was not meant to be. I get up at 4:30-5:00 every morning to have some alone time, get small things done and start work say. I drop kids off and pick them up. Exercise at lunchtime. Own 2 crockpots. I work an hour or so after pick up and at night as needed to stay abreast.I volunteer at their school and with their other activities. We have a house cleaner come every 2 weeks.
DH has more demanding hours but pitches in do not everything is on me. Our parents would actually come in town town when DC were going so that we could have some binge work weeks (and separate vacations). They each spend a separate week with grandparents or godparent must summers. We host some nieces and nephews also during the summer. They have also gone to summer camp for a week (now 2 or 3) since they were 8 or 9.

IMO children benefit from interaction beyond just parents, especially from siblings. And they don’t need constant parental attention. There is more for DC to do other than play with mom(or dad) or watch TV. IMO some of the more narcissistic parents have fewer kids. But I thrive on chaos and thankfully DH and I manage with little sleep. We have only 5?years now til they are all out of the house. The thoughts of this already makes me sad.

I think the saying “in mother, time goes fast but the days are endless’ is very true. When kids were younger it was harder but now the problem is carpooling.

I have 3 kids, a c-suite job, and my dh is a big law partner. I also spend 5 hours every week day with my kids and every minute of the weekend. All I do is work and spend time with my family - bc I love my job and spending time with my family. I outsource every chore I can do all my time can be focused on the two things I love.

And yes I have lots of nanny help but that doesn’t mean Im not spending time with my kids at the same time. It means that I can focus on each kid some of the time(eg nanny is home for baby’s nap sat morning while DH and I are out with big kids) or have someone cooking dinner while I play with the kids vs having the stress of trying to cook with 3 little kids on me.

I would not have had 3 kids if I couldn’t afford the help bc I wouldn’t want my 52 hours a week with my kids (yes I count them) to be full of stress and trying to multitask all the time.

Maybe my kids will be spoiled bc they never see me cleaning toilets or maybe they will see that dh and I work our butts off in our paid work - I don’t know but I’m not wasting too much sleep over it given they see us contributing and working overall. I’ll make sure they know how to clean a toilet before going to college and they have chores at home now.

It’s fine if you don’t want to live this way, it’s also weird but fine if you don’t think 50+ hours a week is enough parent time for kids and dh or I should stay home instead. But to say we don’t see our kids is absurd and that’s true of all the families like mine I know - like our work lives, we are type A and we have clear goals and metrics for our personal lives and don’t let things slip

Newsflash: Just because you have a lot of kids doesn't necessarily mean you don't like work.

We have three, but neither have what I would call demanding jobs, at least not by DCUM standards (FT, but max 45 hours/week or so, very flexible). I think some people don’t mind outsourcing a lot of the childcare via nannies, au pairs, 11 hours/day of daycare, etc. There’s also a common belief that once you hit three, adding more doesn’t make things any harder (I disagree). For some, it’s status, or doing it because others do it.

I also think there are people who either don’t have a good sense of how stretched thin they are, or romanticize the idea of a “big family,” or assume their third or fourth kid will be easy. We considered having a fourth, but I don’t think we could do that and continue to have both of us work, and we both love our careers. We have friends who both work and are considering a fourth, and when I brought up that point, the wife said, yeah, we’ll just have to have an au pair for a number of years. That holds zero appeal for me, but if it works for her, great. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:hm. I would rather have smart, driven people populating the earth, rather than low-energy, low IQ hamsters. But that's just me. We should be paying and helping the smart people. We need their DNA.

We all would like this but you are assuming that your genes will be enough to achieve this. Will a busy person be able to provide enough nurture to multiple kids to get them to a place where those are smart and driven. Can your nanny teach your child to be smart and driven?

Because babymaking feels good to some people.

I don't know if my job is demanding by DCUM standards, since my typical week is usually less than 60 hours, but we are very happy with our 3 kids and have another on the way. Admittedly, the current 3 are easy kids.

Why do we have the number we do? I don't know, just wanted to I guess. Having just one was never something we even considered, and after two, we just took it one day at a time and decided as we went along. All 3 are very different from each other, so it's not like having one instead of three would have been one third of the same experience.

Status, enjoy kids, or pressure from the spouse/abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hm. I would rather have smart, driven people populating the earth, rather than low-energy, low IQ hamsters. But that's just me. We should be paying and helping the smart people. We need their DNA.

Definitely better than having 4-5 and being poor, but at least I can ascribe the latter to lack of iq or wanting benefits...

No. Sometimes circumstances change, like a car accident or cancer. Surely could never happen to you... And I'm not sure what, exactly, benefits you have yourself in a twist about. Discounted lunches? Healthcare like vaccines so they don't die or spread infectious diseases? Food? Formula? You're ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:My friend is low energy. She has 2 and is barely surviving whereas I was 3 bit for financial reasons won't do 3. She thinks I'm nuts. I just like having my kids around.

For sure. Some times kids are harder or easier for people. Are there people with 3 who should have probably stopped at 2? I’m sure. That doesn’t mean all parents of 3 are stretched and in pain. Some people have easy kids and and or parenting comes naturally.

One from your first marriage and two From your second