Grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Some family friends who have known her her whole life. Some former teachers. Her Sunday school teachers.

Do they all love her like we do? Probably not. But they do love her, and they treat her with affection and kindness. They would help her in an emergency (or even a non-emergency).

All grandparents (there are 3), me and DH, definitely our daycare director (not the teachers, I don't think, although I do think if there was a school-wide catastrophe they'd risk personal harm to protect them), and I think also our cousin. And the kids' great Aunt.

Like truly love in a selfless way? I would say just one grandmother. DH's family cares about my children and would 'do the right thing' if we needed them to but they definitely don't love my children for who they are--there are a lot of strings attached.

Aw, I think about this all the time and it makes me sad. We have no nearby relatives, so the only people that really love our children are.... us. When I was growing up, I had two grandmas nearby that I saw all the time and I knew they loved me. It makes me sad my children don't have that.

Anonymous wrote:Surprised by so many people saying aunts and uncles. I “love” my nieces and nephews but nowhere near the level I love my kids, parents or siblings, even though I spend quite a bit of time with them. I don’t think it’s “true” love for me but maybe I’m a shitty aunt!

I am an aunt and love the shit out of my niece. She's 5 and I joke with my brother that he should get her a phone so I can text her. She doesn't even read yet! But we're close and we chat about our respective days and draw together over FaceTime.

DS 10 has DH and I, his grandparents, his aunt and uncle (my side) and his cousins. I guess his best friend also counts as he's very close with her and calls her his "sister" (he's an only child). Her family absolutely adore him too.

Daycare provider. She's been caring for them every (work) day since they were 8 weeks old, with some babysitting even before that.

"Truly love"

My parents, my brother, one of my grandmothers. I think that's it. Lots of people who do love her, in their way, but who don't know her that well and/or think of her in quite the same way as the people I mentioned.

I'll be curious to ask DH this question and see what he thinks.

Anonymous wrote:Surprised by so many people saying aunts and uncles. I “love” my nieces and nephews but nowhere near the level I love my kids, parents or siblings, even though I spend quite a bit of time with them. I don’t think it’s “true” love for me but maybe I’m a shitty aunt!

I was going to say my brother, but I think it helps he doesn't have kids himself. I don't think he'll love my kid any *less* if he has kids, though he'll love them more...

Surprised by so many people saying aunts and uncles. I “love” my nieces and nephews but nowhere near the level I love my kids, parents or siblings, even though I spend quite a bit of time with them. I don’t think it’s “true” love for me but maybe I’m a shitty aunt!

If you want to find out, ask the people in your life to be named guardians for your kids in your will.

Their nanny since 4 months old
Our adopted grandpa (my friend from grad school's parents moved out here to be near him, and then his mom died. His widowed dad got depressed, and so we folded him into our family.

My mother
My best friend
Their grandparents

Anonymous wrote:My kids have DH and myself. Their grandparents on both sides have too many personal things going on that they have not gotten close to them and are not in a place to be our backup. Aunts and uncles also have their own lives and own kids. I envy people who have extended families that have their back. In our family it’s every man for himself.

Same. MIL and SIL claim to love them but they are self-centered. My parents are gone and my siblings are too pre-occupied with their families. My ds talks about wanting to move to a warmer climate (he is on the spectrum and will likely live with us for a long time even though he is able to work, go to school, etc.). His sister said to wait until she is done with college and he said, you are coming too? They are very tight. She said, of course I am - we all have to stick together b/c we don't have anyone else.

No one. Especially my mentally ill child. Everyone hates him and feels sorry for us. I think people like my kids (even my mentally ill one). But if we died, there wouldn't be a line of people waiting to take them in. Thankfully, my oldest is now an adult and they take care of each other because they do really love each other.