Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m also a divorced woman in her 40’s who has no desire to remarry. I do want (and currently have) a long term companion but I don’t see how remarriage is going to enhance my life at all. I have financial security, good health insurance, a good job and I raised my kids. I can have the security of a long term companion without the legal document. There are way more pros to staying single than cons.

Why is marriage so important to the OP? If he is looking to start a family he needs to date much younger.

OP here. I want a family. I suppose younger is the better option to that end, but I just have a hard time believing a 32 or 33 yo would want to date someone significantly older (at least one that is not a stud or super wealthy). That is why I think maybe adoption or even just being a stepdad might work well for me. So.many.regrets.

Thanks for the input, regardless.

OP, how much of a "loner" are you? Do you have any close friends?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s life! But don’t think the grass is always greener. It’s not as evidenced by so many unhappy guys on here. You want a relationship go where the single women are, or do it on a dating ap. A lot of my friends would look at your situation and say you have it pretty sweet, you spend your money on what you want, no one counts your beers, you can sit all day on Sunday and watch golf without getting the stink eye.
Life’s what you make it, friend. Count your blessings and just keep asking different women out. You’ll be rejected a lot because that’s what happens but you’ll find one or a dozen that want to be with you.

Well OP, my guess is that you’re a better catch than this guy who just wants to spend his time getting drunk and watching golf. Zzzz...

I know right. What a loser. Why do these types of guys get married and have kids?

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced 46 year old man and about 80% of the chicks I meet online would absolutely get married if I asked. Do not do it.

So I find this to be incredibly unrealistic. How do you know that these women are ready to be married and that you are the man they want to marry?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your opening line says it all, OP. “Loner”. Absolutely no one wants to be with a loner at any age. Either change yourself or just accept being alone. Even your writing drips with a pathetic woe is me vibe. Ask yourself, who’d want to be around that.

Poor word choice, I admit.

Doing therapy was my first step in changing myself; you may have missed that part.

A majority of the posts on this forum are "woe is me"...do I not have a right to be down, especially around the holidays? Can't help but think your response is because I am a man and not supposed to show feelings or vulnerability. Lame.

OP here again. Middle-age introvert. Better? LOL.

Whatever floats your boat and gets you through the night!

Yikes. People like this make me think I would be better off alone. Everyone else, thank you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your opening line says it all, OP. “Loner”. Absolutely no one wants to be with a loner at any age. Either change yourself or just accept being alone. Even your writing drips with a pathetic woe is me vibe. Ask yourself, who’d want to be around that.

Poor word choice, I admit.

Doing therapy was my first step in changing myself; you may have missed that part.

A majority of the posts on this forum are "woe is me"...do I not have a right to be down, especially around the holidays? Can't help but think your response is because I am a man and not supposed to show feelings or vulnerability. Lame.

OP here again. Middle-age introvert. Better? LOL.

Whatever floats your boat and gets you through the night!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your opening line says it all, OP. “Loner”. Absolutely no one wants to be with a loner at any age. Either change yourself or just accept being alone. Even your writing drips with a pathetic woe is me vibe. Ask yourself, who’d want to be around that.

Poor word choice, I admit.

Doing therapy was my first step in changing myself; you may have missed that part.

A majority of the posts on this forum are "woe is me"...do I not have a right to be down, especially around the holidays? Can't help but think your response is because I am a man and not supposed to show feelings or vulnerability. Lame.

OP here again. Middle-age introvert. Better? LOL.

Anonymous wrote:Your opening line says it all, OP. “Loner”. Absolutely no one wants to be with a loner at any age. Either change yourself or just accept being alone. Even your writing drips with a pathetic woe is me vibe. Ask yourself, who’d want to be around that.

Poor word choice, I admit.

Doing therapy was my first step in changing myself; you may have missed that part.

A majority of the posts on this forum are "woe is me"...do I not have a right to be down, especially around the holidays? Can't help but think your response is because I am a man and not supposed to show feelings or vulnerability. Lame.

Your opening line says it all, OP. “Loner”. Absolutely no one wants to be with a loner at any age. Either change yourself or just accept being alone. Even your writing drips with a pathetic woe is me vibe. Ask yourself, who’d want to be around that.

Anonymous wrote:I married at 30 a 40 yo. We have 2 kids now... it can happen!

Thanks for posting!

Anonymous wrote:OP, has this been your personal experience, or are you generalizing what you read on DCUM and imagining you will struggle greatly (perhaps a manifestation of living with anxiety and managing the cognitive distortions that can go along with it).

I wouldn’t be discouraged. I think there are many women in their 40s who are looking for serious, committed relationships. Just keep trying. It can be hard to be single at any age.

Have you ever been in a serious relationship?

OP here. I am mostly generalizing, based on everything I read on the 'net...not just here. But I can completely understand why a divorced woman would not want to re-marry, so the logic makes perfect sense to me. It just makes me sad.

Just casual dating...nothing serious due to aforementioned anxiety that is now managed to an extent.

I married at 30 a 40 yo. We have 2 kids now... it can happen!

Anonymous wrote:I’m 33 and would absolutely date an early 40s man. Don’t be discouraged, OP.

OP here. I appreciate you taking the time to post this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced 46 year old man and about 80% of the chicks I meet online would absolutely get married if I asked. Do not do it.

Why?

NP. You assume this because a lot of women give off that vibe, but if it came to the crunch and YOU asked them, I expect you'd get a lot of no answers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a divorced 46 year old man and about 80% of the chicks I meet online would absolutely get married if I asked. Do not do it.

Why?

Actually OP if he isn’t glaringly weird might do better in Latin America or SE Asia than here in the USA. I’m not talking about bringing in some 10/10 22 year old knockout but rather a 7/10 woman in her late 20s to mid 30s possibly with a kid. Now some women will argue that “they just want a green card” but if OP marries some late 30s woman out of his league looks wise there is a high chance her biological clock is ticking and she will be complaining about his offenses real and imaginary in a few years. But a guy who is making $80-150k a year who isn’t a total slob but might just be sporting a dad bod can probably do okay with foreign dating services.

With that being said, the glaringly weird men who bring home solid 9s and 10s with a big age difference are highly likely to be out for some sort of scam. Then there are the non suave abusers who outright abuse their foreign brides.

Of course OP would need to be careful of the obvious scams. But if OP wants a family he can’t listen to the grousing from women who wouldn’t give him the time of day otherwise.